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tape helps

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T̸̡͙҇͂̓̔h̵̨̛̠̀̀̔e̵̬͗͜͡ N̵̡̛͚̖̑ơ̴͇̟͚͗̃̀͢ǐ̸̛̬̥̌͢r̷̢̭̳͆̈́̕'s picture
on August 22, 2019 - 1:36pm

I was having a great day earlier. The guy i like (we'll call him d) gave me a big hug earlier and i had a great day. then..... lunch happened. Basically it wasnt bad, but it just kinda was where the descent began. In my 4th period we had to take pictures that i was not aware of and so i look like crap and i think they were the yearbook pictures. Ive been really self-hatred-y all week but yesterday and today the worst. in my 5th it wasnt so bad but i just didnt want to deal with people at that point. I have an art class that period and there was big rolls of masking tape on the table so i got two pieces and taped my mouth shut. Im glad i did because the class i had next/am in now is history. dont get me wrong i love history we're learning about the renaissance, but the person i think i hate the most is in that class and he doesnt leave me alone. If i hadn't taped my mouth i would have gone off on him and started crying at the least. I used google docs to type what i want to say and this might be a thing for a while if my day continues the way it is. Im fine, no self harming stuff, but i just dont want to say something that would mess up my life with how decent its been going. I mean this morning i almost went off on m friend who was dating d because she said something but im not gonna repeat it because i dont wanna freak out. anyways, he gave me a big hug earlier that i really liked. Another reason i did the tape thing is because basically, people laugh and think its kinda funny and kinda scary so its like a plus to me because they laugh, making me laugh, but they mostly leave me alone. The guy i like saw me in passing period in the middle of a conversation and he stops talking, looks at me, laughs, and says jokingly, "why are you like this". He then continued the conversation about cheese he had been having before i showed up. His friend, who i didnt know said hi, then put his arms on mine and d's shoulder. he laughed and we just walked like that until his friend had to go to his class and d and i have classes in the same building so d and i walked the rest of the way. He basically like, side hugged me and went to his class. It makes me so much happier when he hugs me. No just when i see him.