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ranting, i guess

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Niko cannot even's picture
on November 21, 2020 - 7:32pm

i tried to write a fucking poem to share with you guys and i can't even do that. damn. anyway i'm just going to put some random shit that's happened with me, i guess. my gf invited me to her mom's wedding. my head is getting worse, like mental health wise, i'm having more intrusive thoughts(???) is the only good way i can describe it without getting to in-depth. i have a feeling nobody would like/trust me after that. i'm so fucking exhausted. it's only 10:30 and i'm already having 3 am thoughts, which isn't good. i feel more vulnerable at night, the moon and stars know all my secrets, like they take them and hold them close afraid to lose them (closest to poetry i can think of, wow). also i told my therapist some heavy shit (that i'm not going to share) about my dad and that's some of the more serious things i've said to her for the year i've been seeing her. so that was... interesting and affected my whole week. i wonder if my dad treats me the way he does because he regrets what he did, or me, or if i'm a lot like my mom, or both. i'm going to stop ranting, i'm sorry.