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zzombieyum's blog

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zzombieyum's picture
noodles

no class until 11. i should probably work on homework until then. i'm really falling behind and slacking on the homework and readings.....

really trying to stay out of 24 hour care now. i don't want to leave school. i'm really anxious about grades... but thats no reason to give up and give in. also i have to pay for housing and tuition if i leave soooooooo...

i like that its getting cooler. its just the beginning of fall but live in new England so the trees are really pretty!

I'll probably go to the dining hall soon because, as i said, i'm really trying to stay out of 24 hour care.

zzombieyum's picture
Good results from bad situations

Listening to Diller Signs at home.

I had to get IV fluids last night. So that wasn't great.... my kidney was sad because it was thirsty. but I actually feel SO much better now! I drove back to school, stopped at dunks (can you tell im from Boston lol) and got a coffee. Then 8 did both my labs and it 5ook two hours but it was super last minute so I'm glad I got to it.

But it got me thinking, maybe I felt so shitty and couldn't focus because I was dehydrated because now I feel awesome!

Of course getting back on board 2ith eating 2ont be easy, but doing that homework encouraged me to stay in

zzombieyum's picture
new treatment facility TW eating disorder

is anyone here from north carolina? i know brokenup (who was here years ago but i still have her contact info) is. I live near Boston Massachussets. My dietitian recommended a treatment center for me, Veritas. she likes it because all of the residential places i have been to are 3-5 weeks but she says to be more effective it should be much longer. Veritas is about 3 months of residential.

I agree that i should try a new approach. but only when im committed to recovery. right now my bones are beginning to pop out even in my chest and that hasnt ever happened before. i find it exhilarating.

i

zzombieyum's picture
chin up!

i need to be more positive. i have tutoring in 20 mins. everyone in my class said the same thing as me, that the quizzes have nothing to do with what we are learning in class. a lot of people also found the exact same questions on quizlet! maybe there is hope of correcting the course so that we can all pass because everyone is struggling.

im drinking a starbucks cappachino.

called a couple rehab centers. i want to fix myself. i want to get better sometimes, and im trying to hang on to that part of myself even when i'm not there at all.

i gotta pick my chin up and look at the positives.

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busy week

Its 6:00 am. I got up at 3:30. Been struggling to sleep.... so I texted my friend and read a lot of mediocre fanatic. Now I just finished a Pete x Patrick fuck or die and Im listening to secondhand serenade, arguably one of the most emo bands. I don't usually ship anyone outside of mcr but I have a very long list of 2,000 stories I want to read so just kind of going through that list.

Other than just just homework and trying to get though emotional and personal shift. Busy scedual this week.

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Mostly pretty good day

I would give today mostly positive reviews.

the bad: both my dietitian and my therapist want me to check out iop (intensive outpatient treatment) at the Renfrew center. Ughhhhhhh. I mean I know I'm really struggling with it all. But I'm doing ok enough, right?

The good: my birthday gift FINALLY came in the mail! I got a Samsung tablet and I'm writing it right now. I really like it a lot! I've also been good about making new friends. I met Ray a week or so ago. Then it turns out that Ray has many friends in my building! So hanging out with ray and two of their friends yesterday.

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updateeee

i am waiting for class to start in 15 minuets, it's diversity and oppression class.

i have not been doing well in school especially. biology.

i'm so tiered

i ate breakfast though! but i still lost three pounds over the last three days.... working hard with my doctors and treatment team. i don't need treatment. i'm just trying to do a little better every day and use my coping skills!

xoxoz

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procrastinating, treatment?, and college thoughts.

i dont want to do my reading for school. i bought those fake nail sticker things and i think they are so cute! but it makes it hard to use my hands lol. but they are dust purple and some of them are glittery and some have rhinestones!

my therapist wants me to go back to treatment but im like oh hell no. i dont need it because im not sick. but im seeing my nutritionist tomorrow and on wendsday and my therapist twice this week, too. im scared that they will convince me to go back to treatment.... i have worked so hard to get my weight to where it is now and i dont want to give that up.

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falling apart

cw eating disorder

i went to that support group and i just logged off a little bit ago. i was so overwhelmed and anxious i was crying and theres so much in my life school is stress and dad is having surgery tomorrow and don't even get me started about how my eating disorder is raging and the worst thing is i don't even care.

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ughhhhhh

my dietitian wants me to go to support group cuz things are falling to shit x_x but i found an art group so thats kinda cool. its tonight at 6:00.

school is getting hard too i cant focus and i have so many things to do and i end up doing them the day before they are due and this just sux.

xoxoz

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