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zzombieyum's picture
old friends

i am so happy to see so many old friends, familiar faces from a long time ago come back!!! missed you guys <3
chem will always bring us together
xoxoz

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return

i still cant belive it.
this feels surreal.
killjoysneverdie told me. i didnt belive him at first.
but holy shit
but holy SHIT
and holy shit, did i sob.
and yes i watched all the MCR music videos on the commonroom TV and everyone was very concerned.
but they didn't need to be
because chem is back!
im not planning on going to california 2019
im expecting a MCR5 album to finally drop.
so i assume theyll come to Massachusetts or some surrounding city at some point
im scared ticked will sell out
because i know everyone says this
but im their biggest fan
just like everyone else
we are all their

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ughhhhh work isn't happening....

trying to do school work since i am OVERLOADED.

but instead i can't stop scrolling though instagram and looking at pictures of gee.

i have a bunch of appointments to move around because they're all conflicting each other. my appointment with administration about drinking is the same time as my kidney doctor appointment. my dentist appointment is immediately after therapy, even though the drive to my dentist is an hour away.

so i need to move some stuff around. adulting sucks.

anyways im wicked stressed about getting school work done because if im not in the mindset to do it then i just can't

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coming out

im nervous.

i want to come out to my friends at school as non binary... sometimes i use she/her and other times i use they/them. todays a they/them day.

what if they dont accept me? what if they doubt that i am non binary, since my expression ranges from feminine to androgynous , but is mostly fem? what if they refuse to use my pronouns?

am i ready to come out ? i dont know.... i flaunt my fem side some days and my non binary androgynous side other days. what if they don't see that i can do that AND be NB?

i want them to know because i want to be accepted and feel loved for who i am.

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october 2019 playlist

ik that october isnt over but its close enough so heres my october playlist!

roadrunner - alternative version - the modern lovers
still into you - paramore (this song reminded me of T one night. couldnt get it out of my head)
target parking lot song - human petting zoo (i hang out in the target parking lot all the time. relatable)
good things - sleater-kinney
baby youre a haunted house - gerard way (lve been listening to this song like crazy but shit i had no fucking clue it was gerard till rn)
flowers everywhere - balkanks
evil side - the dirty nil
worth the tears - sheer mag
in the corner

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stressstressstress

good morning,

im appealing the involuntary withdrawal process the school is going though. meeting tomorrow super nervous. its stressing me out so much its hard to get work done!

last night I was hanging out in the common rom and the whole gang was there minus maybe 3 people. there were 7 of us we were watching TV and joking around. it felt so good and i was so scared that this would be the last time i got to see these friends like this in this setting.

i just dont want to lose what i have now. im caught up on work. friends are solid. im taking my meds every day.

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Involentary withdrawal

School might Involentary withdraw me for this semester.

They think when I drank that I also took pills. Which I didn't. So I need to go back to the hospital to get the paperwork showing that my labs did not display any meds in my body.

I'm so stressed anxious sad and depressed

My friends are helping though. I haven't told too many of them though.

Xoxz

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boring update

i have two tests on monday . im so not prepared . i did get a really good grade in a writing assignment in public speaking though!!

im so hungry . and tiered .

got a text from an old friend from the hospital i was in in april! so thats cool . we write letters to each other because we are cute as fuck .

got to study but so tiered . also think my kettle is broken . its been making weird sounds when i boil water . i need hot water so bad though, for coffee .

xoxoz

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hospital take #number i dont even know anymroe

back from the hospital... agian
I ODed on alcohol. was unconscious in the ER for 5 hours... all im gonna say is im going sober for a little while. no weed. no booze. no nothing. should actually be kind of difficult...
anyways just wanted to update you on where i was.
xoxoz

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shit.

it's 4:36am
talked to my therapist on the phone.
he basically said if i dont text him by noon tomorrow that im ok hes going to have someone find me to make sure
thanks but w o w
i drank as much as i could before T asked me to stop.
i kind of wanted it all to end. but im pretty non commital with that stuff so i couldnt make up my mind.
i just want the risk of ending everything. but i dont want to know 100% for sure that i will end everything.
you know?
actually i hope you dont.
my stomach hurts
i blame the vodka.
xoxoz

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