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im so tiered

its a beautiful day today. nearly 70. i'm wearing a dress I just got recently from savers and I feel cute today.

If I had to describe my mood in song it would be "i'm so tiered" by Fugazi.

haven't been doing much of anything. want to continue reading "Neverwere" by Neil Gaiman but it's a pretty complicated story line so it's hard to read.

xoxoz

college tours and reading

today i toured bridgewater state university, it looks like it may be a good fit. they have really good support and community for LGBTQ students so that makes me feel good. they even have a floor of a dorm designated to queer youth, which i thought was cool.
thats about all thats going on . readinga neil gaiman book at the moment.
listening to MCR right now. it's been so long since i listened to them. feels good to hear them right now. wanted to hear black dragon fighting society. good stuff.
xoxoz

queen and umbrella academy . good shit .

ive been listening to a lot of Queen

i like their music a lot

finished umbrella academy. i loved it. my favorite character was klouse (i know i misspelt lol). i could really see gerard and three cheers come through, especially in the last episode.

xoxoz

positive body image! and lonely...

hey guys

im doing much better now. i tried the hill center's partial, but it didn't work out.

now im about to go get my body hair ripped out. i've actually been feeling very good about my body recently. i got a very tight dress that i like a lot and i actually like the way my tummy sticks out a little bit in it. and ive found a new adjective to describe myself - pretty. and im very proud of that.

i have a slight problem. I don't really have any fuck buddies or a partner right now. it makes me feel kind of bad about myself. like, am i unlovable? i like my body right now, but does anyone else?

welcome home...

im home now
and its just like i left it. still anxious. still having urges. still alone. still no structure.
im worried ill end up back at the hospital because i dont have structure until wendsday.
looking into getting service dog for ptsd/anxiety. they are unbearable and i can't function because of them.
took my PRN. drinking tea. have a heat up neck pillow. listening to Oso Oso. only a little anxious now. but very empty feeling.
hope you guys are ok.
xoxoz

late happy birthday to gee/discharge!!

happy birthday gee
whoop de de
youre 42
look at you!
you eat the cake
with the stars you make
we're all here for you
you get us through
our hero to the end
im sure you're a great friend!

---------------------------------------

sorry guys that got a little wack. i had coofee. but i must say it increases my poetry abilities

good news fellas! im splitting this joint today! im going home and im going to pet my dogs and shower and go to a thrift store and cut my hair like anthony's hair and dye my hair and dye my armpit hair. i can't wait to go home! ive been in the hospital for 10 days.

im still here, but where am i?

im still here, even if no one else is.
still at the hospital, too. plan for me to leave sometime next week. Wendsday, maybe?
it feels like the diagnosis are never ending.
i feel like im not here. like, i know im at McLean hospital on PH2. but i dont feel like im here. i tink im dissociating. like i can see whats going on me but its a dream or im watching it in a movie and its been like this for maybe a week am i just thinking too hard or is this really a dream?
i see my reflection in the computer screen and it frightens me am i going craz? like really crazy?

here we go again... pt. 3/cherri cola's report

good morning killjoys!

Cherri Cola here,we got some bad news coming throught the radiowaves regarding cosmic constellation. Here they are in Mclean's PH2 hospital for the third time this year. It sucks but they are rocking that hospital band like no one else you've ever seen. a little mix up in the mind sent them this way, but cosmic will be fresher than the fresh air they are missing in no time.
- cherri

hey guys! Z here now haha. That was fun to write. definatltey bringhted the blue bospital walls that surround me here in the group room.
man it sucks to be here.

here we go again... pt. 3/cherri cola's report

good morning killjoys!

Cherri Cola here,we got some bad news coming throught the radiowaves regarding cosmic constellation. Here they are in Mclean's PH2 hospital for the third time this year. It sucks but they are rocking that hospital band like no one else you've ever seen. a little mix up in the mind sent them this way, but cosmic will be fresher than the fresh air they are missing in no time.
- cherri

hey guys! Z here now haha. That was fun to write. definatltey bringhted the blue bospital walls that surround me here in the group room.
man it sucks to be here.

here we go again... pt. 3/cherri cola's report

good morning killjoys!

Cherri Cola here,we got some bad news coming throught the radiowaves regarding cosmic constellation. Here they are in Mclean's PH2 hospital for the third time this year. It sucks but they are rocking that hospital band like no one else you've ever seen. a little mix up in the mind sent them this way, but cosmic will be fresher than the fresh air they are missing in no time.
- cherri

hey guys! Z here now haha. That was fun to write. definatltey bringhted the blue bospital walls that surround me here in the group room.
man it sucks to be here.

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