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punkin''s blog

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last blog post i promise

yall i just wanna say, you all have been such great friends to me, from my days as coloredhairdontcare, to dollipop, to whatever im doing now. it makes me feel so happy and special to be apart of this tiny community. there are around i think 20 of us that communicate a lot, idk its just so amazing to have this family here. and im sure the boys in my chem would love to see us all connecting here. part of me feels like they know yknow? like they know us and who we are just by our @s and that we post here and are so connected.

punkin''s picture
why cant i just write

i pour my life into my art and it doesnt work for me and i feel useless.
what is it to feel if i feel less than what i used to be?
if i was more than just my skin then i could morph into the brain of someone greater than me, to write and write away, to be great like i itch to be.
i can feel it bubbling inside me, i want to create but i dont FEEL the creativity.
why cant i just feel right so i can just write?
my hands create mediocre rhymes unlike how i used to, and even the music i seem to envelope my brain in and cover myself in like a blanket constantly cant make me receive that creativity

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brainn

i havent felt inspired in months.

i want breadsticks

i dont want to eat breadsticks

but i want them haha

my brain is strange

id like to take a vacation from myself

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hey

keeda and i got into a massive argument last nite bc i had an ED breakdown and she wasnt there so i went to friends and she didnt like that ig she said i wanted attention n stuff. im starting to kinda believe that. its whatevr, oh so im supposed to take sculpture next sem and bc of covid restrictions the class was turned into a mixed media class, im really excited for that hahahaha. im tired. night yall ily all sm you are fr my family.

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new UG post

https://onstage.ultimate-guitar.com/Ukuleleon/fugazi/waiting-room-459566381

this one was extra fun because i'm trying to learn by ear and that's what i did here!!

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listening to my favorite post bands and zoning out

i need something to focus on, to feel haha, i need something to make me feel real for just a few minutes and i need to be able to breathe. i haven't written decent poetry in so long i think ill try later. we're reading poe in class for the fourth year in a row and i think ive memorized the plot to The Cask of Amontillado a million times, it oughta be in my mind's coding. emarosa's early songs are so calming.

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i just launched my class into a philosophical debate

we had to answer the question "what can happen when someone falls in love at first site?" and i responded with "It can change you, morph you into someone you aren't, it can really break you too. But sometimes it's lovely, and isn't that worth the risk of being crushed? Just to see them smile, to see them happy to love them just for a little bit longer? It can be horrible but pain is beauty." and the class really went "lets have a philosophical debate" and talked about the concept of pain being beauty.

i post short song covers to ultimate guitar and i was wondering if any of yall would be interested in watching them? if i get positive responses i might post here some links to recent ones i've done but i'm trying to "expand my platform" and i thought because yall are so supportive here and i've known a lot of yall for like 6+ months, it'd be a good idea to share my posts here haha if you'd be interested in watching them just say so, i do a lot of good bands

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