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barriers.and.danger's blog

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barriers.and.danger's picture
Just announce a tour already

Seriously though me and the UK killjoys just want the boys to get their asses over here.

barriers.and.danger's picture
So this sucks

I’ve broken out in severe hives through out my entire body because of immense stress, meaning I haven’t really slept in 3 days. I haven’t even been able to cope with going to hospital education. My BDD is pretty bad right now. I just want to remind y’all that you are loved and appreciated by this fandom too (:

barriers.and.danger's picture
I can’t anymore

I can’t do another day. I don’t have anyway to harm myself; that’s the worst bit. I feel like I’m floating.
My self harm was itchy and apparently my mum said it’s turned into Hives and spread. My entire body is immensely itchy so I couldn’t sleep last night. I feel sick.
I feel like I’m floating. My head is full of cotton wool. I wish I could OD again but I have nothing to OD on. All the knives and sharp objects in my house are locked in a safe so I can’t self harm. But I can’t do it I just can’t I’m so fucked

barriers.and.danger's picture
Update

camhs said they’re going to give me CBT!
They said they’re going to do four sessions as a trail run because they really don’t know if I’m physically and mentally healthy enough to do it so I’m going to try really hard to make sure they don’t stop giving me those sessions.

//TW//
They don’t know I’m using weights and drinking loads before I get weighed. They think I’m heavier than I am, meaning my mum won’t make me eat more, so I’m okay. My camhs worked said he wanted me to write a list of my fear foods in order of hardest to least hardest, and then start working on the *easiest* ones.

barriers.and.danger's picture
Can’t do it anymore

I can’t do it anymore
It’s too much
No one will do anything unless I’m dead but I just can’t take it anymore
I don’t even have a way to do it
Fuck them
Fuck everyone who’s making me like this
I just can’t anymore
help

barriers.and.danger's picture
camhs letting me die

so update camhs said they’re talking about helping me. they don’t want me back in hospital until I’m dead because ‘hospital is a last resort for people at a risk to themselves and others’ I’ve taken three overdoses in the past six months and attacked my mum numerous times since I’ve been discharged but apparently I’m completely functional! thanks camhs!
I hate my ed so much man, the worst bit about it is definitely not being able to just sit down and have a rest.

barriers.and.danger's picture
Glastonbury?

so my mum suggested they might be playing Glastonbury festival because it’s obviously in the UK and in January... if they do and don’t play anywhere else in the uk I’ll be so pissed because my maths teacher got tickets and I didn’t

barriers.and.danger's picture
Glastonbury?

so my mum suggested they might be playing Glastonbury festival because it’s obviously in the UK and in January... if they do and don’t play anywhere else in the uk I’ll be so pissed because my maths teacher got tickets and I didn’t

barriers.and.danger's picture
Tysm

Hey, I want to say a big thank you for all the comments. It really helps and makes me smile for once, I love this community <3
Second thing, does anyone know how to cope with January diet culture in ED recovery? Everyday I see signs for weight loss and it just reinforces my ED voice, so if anyone has coping tips that’d be great (:

barriers.and.danger's picture
Rant/ Vent

//TW//
Please don’t purposefully trigger yourself.

I’m so fucking done. I’m so fucking done with my CAMHS team for dumping me out of hospital admission or of hospital admission when I’m not ready to leave, I hate my mum for forcing me to eat by threatening me with trauma, I hate my school for all the teachers and other kids who say triggering things even though it’s a school for kids WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. My life is worthless, if I died right now sure; my family would be sad, but in a hundred years time I would fade into non existence, not even a memory anymore.

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