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Asedfernas's blog

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Asedfernas's picture
Household negativity

It's one of those days again...I walk out of my room, someone says something ugly, I come back and listen to music and I'm happy. Then I go out again. Surprise, surprise, someone depresses me again. One day this happy front of mine is gonna crumble and when that happens - it won't be anyone else's fault but my own.

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My Favourite Noodles

My favourite Noodles are the dreams you have where you're genuinely surprised by the plot...the ice-cream you eat on cold days and conversations that twist and turn until it's 1am.
My head spins everyday. There's just too much to think about. I think I'll go have some noodles.

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The Corona Virus Is Dead.

I'm really sick of this. The world is shit. And it's only because of humans. I've believed this all my life. And now that it's here, killing us, I'm praying that the death might be stopped (ironic, right ?). Maybe this is God's way of preparing for a life beyond...although mum says if that's the case she'd rather God just take us all away right now instead of having people suffer. All I know is, I can't hear that another person has died. I hope wherever you are, if this pandemic has taken more than it should away from you, you're in my heart.

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Motionless In Black

I'm trying. For two old parents. For a brother and sister who couldn't care less. For the person I'm supposed to be vs. the person I want to be. What am I supposed to do, when I'm paddling so hard but not moving? When I'm reaching for the light but only find darkness. Am I going to recognise myself tomorrow morning? Or will I just wake up and start it all again...

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Effervescence

Slipping away. Everything is. I screw everything up. And then I wallow at the bottom of the deep hole I've dug for myself. MCRmy where are YOU? Come back. I need you. SOMEONE. ANYONE.

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Happy birthday Gerard

My hero. You've gotten me through so much you don't even know. Thank you for making this band. For fighting so many battles. If you ever see this, know that to me you're greater than all the heroes you've come up with put together. Thank you. Thank you. Somehow I hope this thought or feeling reaches you.

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Escape

Ever feel like you're too much of a financial burden to your parents or that they see taking care of you as an obligation rather than something they genuinely want to do? I feel like my parents go out of their way to make themselves unhappy and then they explain to me how they're unhappy because of me.
I grew up with two older brothers who were lazy af, but both geniuses. They failed a couple years of college just coz they didn't give their assignments in on time or other shit like that. I know I'm not as smart but I work twice as hard.

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MCRmy cutting rumour

OMG guys, I'm so sick of everything that's going on. Yes, we're shocked and heartbroken and shaken but that's no reason to go cutting yourself because of this ordeal!! Even to joke about it is just nonsense!! It's his life, and yes, we're allowed to be concerned because of how closely we hold then to our hearts, but that's no reason to cut yourself. What about all of the MCRmy who really didn't know it was a joke and took it seriously and DID cut themself?

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School and Other Drugs

So I'm in matric (grade 12). I always had this fantasy that my last day of school would be being Mikey, playing I'm Not Okay, stopping everyone while they're writing their exams or something. There were a lot of dreams I had. About MCR, about school. But slowly I'm learning to let it all go. I guess I'm gonna be ready for Danger Days soon. Coz I think that's what DD was about. Letting that person who was so full of hate and fear and loneliness go. I mean, no one can escape that person fully. As Gee says, it's our failures and depressions that make us who we are.

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I really love Zone 6

I know it's probably said thousands of times before, but I really mean it. When I'm going through this timeline reading everyone's blogs, it's like this state of unity. "Ubuntu", if you will. But the way we all act as a family, supporting us...we're just one huge ass MCRmy. And that's beautiful. When I'm here, I'm home.

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