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sometimes life gives you lemons. throw them back.

My ex and i have had a rocky relationship since we broke up, even after both of us agreeing to wanting to be friends. I went to the first football game of our high school's football season yesterday and he went with me. We were kinda hanging out, he was mostly silent the whole time. I saw some other friends and went to say hi. He didnt follow and when i turned around to go back he wasnt there. I saw him later, on his phone sitting by himself. Thats how the tailgate party went up until the game started. I went to get tickets and He said oh i dont have any money.

I wrote a poem.

I was very bored in class and i was in a strange mood. i wrote multiple poems, but this one i fell needs to be shared. I have this disorder, i am receiving help, and i wrote the whole thing i am showing you all. Someone i knew, not very well, committed suicide two years ago, and it shook the whole town. It wasnt very long after a shooting occurred in our town too. I'm doing ok, i just wanted to share this with people.

The water
My mind is going under.
It does every once in a while.
Sometimes diving headfirst,
Willingly letting it drown out
All of everything else
Good or bad


tape helps

I was having a great day earlier. The guy i like (we'll call him d) gave me a big hug earlier and i had a great day. then..... lunch happened. Basically it wasnt bad, but it just kinda was where the descent began. In my 4th period we had to take pictures that i was not aware of and so i look like crap and i think they were the yearbook pictures. Ive been really self-hatred-y all week but yesterday and today the worst. in my 5th it wasnt so bad but i just didnt want to deal with people at that point.



So... its over...

I did it. I ended the 5 month relationship.
Our relationship now is just "friends" so yeah. i had to do it partially in person partially in text but the in text part was very slight because i just had to tell him i needed to talk to him. so something strange though, i dont know if this is normal, but i didnt feel anything. like after i told him, i just didnt feel emotion. like at all. i felt like i wanted to cry but not because i was sad or happy just.... to cry.

He said yeah we need to take a break and i said, no you dont understand i dont want to be in a relationship with you.

help me

I need advice. how do you break up with someone you deeply love and dont want to lose without losing them? My friends basically offer no help other than making me feel better. Anyways, i think its over between him and i. Ive told him multiple times why im angry with him and why i literally walked away from him when he called my name this morning. He said "oh im here where are you" i told him im in the cafeteria. He comes in, waves at me and goes to get breakfast. He never came to sit with me. we had late start today and had till 830 to eat breakfast.

Hey Im not okay (I promise)

I might break up with my boyfriend. He doesnt plan til the absolute last minute. theres a skating rink in the town i live in and we usually hang out there. We planned to go there at least a week ago and he kept telling me "yeah i can go" and he gets back in town today, after three months of being away, and then asks his dad if he can go. the hours for skating today were 7-1030 pm, and he asked his dad at 10 o clock. TEN O FREAKING CLOCK. i told him forget it, if you can go its not worth your money at this point. He tells me his dad said no. So i start crying for a little bit.


My boyfriend of 5 months is coming home today!!!! He's been in Arizona since early June, and i have missed him unbelievably. To be completely honest, he's one of the only things that has kept me from.... well.... ending it. Needless to say he is the most important thing in m life currently, and having him back within a few miles is going to be amazing.

Im actually ready for school to start

I just spent about an hour looking at Gerard Way memes. And theres still 4 days til school..... yaaaayyy...... But in all honesty, its not that bad. I've had a pretty fun summer, but lets jsut say im so completely ready to go back to school where there is almost constant stimulation and im not sitting in my room doing nothing that benefits the human race other than sit in my room, watch youtube, and do whatever chores every few days. I'm currently being the useless lump of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus that I usually am.

A. i need to get a life B. i post too much because i have no life

hey sorry just wanted to say two weird/funny things that happened.

I was walking down the hallway at my house and i passed my sisters room. I made a growl noise trying to be funny and maybe make her jump. Instead she turns around and goes "ALALLAALBALABLA" really loudly, making me jump.

Also, probably relatable, i was listening to DESTROYA while doing dishes, and singing along. It got to the part that makes the song known as "moanstroya" (you all know what im talking about) and i was still singing along. My mom walks in, shakes her head, grabs an apple, and walks out, not saying anything.