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BlueBurnsBlack's picture

Lonely

on July 3, 2019 - 8:36am

I’m so alone...

I feel like it’ll always be this way. No one cares about me, no one likes me.

I mean there is one person, but like I said before; she lives in the United Kingdom.

Everyone here, that I’ve encountered either won’t date me because I’m Bipolar, or they won’t date me, because I don’t have a Full time job/ Career.

And I don’t have a College level education....

You know what I have to say about that, is a big

Fuck you. I’m more than just my illness, I’m more than a fucking piece of paper, that says I have a college degree...

Yeah that’s nice and all, and you can probably get a

BlueBurnsBlack's picture

Happy 4th everyone

on July 2, 2019 - 2:02pm

Well I know it’s 2 days early and some of y’all might not live in the USA; but happy 4th of July.

Remember kids, let the Adults, who have been drinking all day blow shit up....

Just kidding though, you should never mix alcohol with Fireworks ...

Well that’s pretty much all I wanted to say.

BlueBurnsBlack's picture

Square Root of Three (Poetry)

on June 30, 2019 - 3:58pm

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square

BlueBurnsBlack's picture

Life after heartbreak

on June 28, 2019 - 5:59am

Well what more could I say, I fcked up and made her mad. She broke up with me, before we ever even met in person.

She was fine with the whole part about me having Bipolar depression; she was fine with me only having a part time job, but when I told her I didn’t have enough for dinner and a movie, she got defensive and called it off....

She was a cute girl, and we liked each other a lot, but I guess it was for the best....

Anyways I am ok the poetry was no way shape or form about me being “S” but rather Me explaining how I have no luck here finding someone who will care about me; when I have

BlueBurnsBlack's picture

The Mourge ( poetry)

on June 27, 2019 - 4:33pm

Sitting alone in confinement, my heart aches, shattered, ripped apart, I feel the inevitable blundering of death slowly creeping in... oh dark angel, won’t you take me away from here? Take me to a place I belong? I feel like there’s no one who will care if I leave this place today....

Oh dark angel the pain is unbearable, it feels like something’s gripping my throat, squeezing, these terrors, gripping my throat, squeezing....

So sleep.

Just sleep.

If only the person I wanted to read this had an account on here.

Pages

MY BLOG

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Thursday April 19, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

So I think I got stood up. I feel so hopeless now and it sucks, I haven’t felt this down in a long time.

My friend in the u.k. Hasn’t replied to my emails in over a week; I’m scared she “kicked the bucket”. And my other friend here the one that stood me up, I feel like she doesn’t really like me more than a friend.

I know most of y’all will just tell me to get over it and grow up. I just hate how I’m always being used.

Life sucks, people suck. I’m done trying

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Sunday March 04, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

OK here is post #2

Soooo Other than my rant I just posted things are going well. I got a new puppy after I got out of the Hospital on the 9th of February.

I think he came home around Valentine's day?

So I was totally surprised by a new puppy.

His name is Bentley and he is a Golden Retriever.[ he will be my 2nd and replacing my older Golden Autumn after she dies. :'( ]

My old girl is 12 years old and in really bad health.

So I'm happy with my little pup.

Also I put in an application to Kroger back in January? or something like that, I now am waiting for them to call me back and say my background check has passed.

( they didn't drug screen me) LOL. But I'm pretty sure I will get the job.

I will be a Grocery Stock Clerk/ Replenishment Specialist.

( so my job duty would be to fill the shelves with Grocery Items, and Fill the On sale Items that are low on the shelves.)

They told me when I had my in person interview that it would be 4-6 Hours Shifts 3/4 Days a week.

So that works really well with me because I told them I looking for a max of 20 Hours a week, Part Time Job,

They guy who Interviewed me was really nice, and the lady who did my paper work was really nice too.

They said that they are flexible with there hours, and stuff and I put down I can't work overnight shifts; and they were very accepting of that factor.

I think I will like this Grocery Store better than the last one.

( the Store Manager there was an Asshole)

But this Store is a Different Company.

So Hopefully it all goes well.

Also it's been a little over 8 years since I joined this website.

LOOOL I'm an old timer now hahaha, I was 18 and a Senior in High School when I found this website.

I used to log on in School on the computers in the class rooms ( I was in a private Alternative School, based out of Public School) and this website wasn't blocked so I used to log in and blog every day.

Now I just log in and lurk and read other peoples blogs.

Well Spring is here in the south of the us.

Pollen is kicking my ass with allergies.

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Sunday March 04, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Ok so I have two blogs to post this is the first one.

Anyways lets get to the blog. I have an Ex named Staci who is super Toxic, and is just plain out a Psycho.

She treats me like shit, and expects me to be nice to her and give her everything she wants.

( Example she calls me for phone xxx) or she wants to hangout with me, but never follows through with her plans.

Also she lies to me a lot and says she is just joking with me; I can't stand people like that, because after a while, you can never tell if they are being serious or just pulling your leg again.

So She asked me out a while back, and I said yes ( HUGE MISTAKE), so we were together fro less than a week, and then I decided to go visit my friend one day after a doctors appointment.

The bitch gets pissed off because I hadn't talked to her in a day, and tells me to call her when I got home.

I did. As soon as I called her she fucking flips out on me and says she's breaking up with me....

I'm like WTF?!?!?! just because I didn't talk to you on the phone for 1 fucking day when I repeatedly texted you, I was busy and would talk to you when I got home?

Seriously???!! that's bullshit.

I believe she has Bipolar or something and hasn't been diagnosed with it.

But she is fucking crazy, cuz who goes from super nice, and happy to fuck you I'm breaking up with you in the time frame of one day.

So that's my little rant for the day.

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Saturday February 10, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Hey guys I haven't been here in a while.

I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I went in on Monday.

But I'm a lot better now, and I got a lot of resources I never knew about.

Also my Doctor from the Hospital wants me to do IOP.

So I'll be doing Intensive Out Patient for about a Month but it should be alright.

There was a cute Emo Girl there, but I didn't get to talk to her much, she left the day after I was admittted ( Tuesday Morning).

So yeah there's that

Anyways I am going to a Nascar Race on the 25th, and I am Excited for that.

My friends were blowing up my phone while I was gone but I let them know my situation when I got home; because I am not allowed to have my cell inside Inpatient.

But hopefully for Out Patient I get to have it just on silent or what ever?

I know I get to have my shoes and Street Clothes as well as my belt so I'm happy about that aspect.

Also it's only Monday through Friday for a month so I'll get to do my own thing on the weekend.

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Tuesday January 16, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well we are supposed to get more snow down here in Georgia.

It's been a Brutal Cold Winter this Year, with several waves of Arctic Air and cold temperatures in the Teens F.

Like tonight the low is going to be 16 F. Which Our record low since I have been alive ( I'm 26) was a few years ago around 6 F.

So I'm hoping that Winter doesn't last all the way till March or April this year.

Cuz usually for Georgia we Get an Early Spring around Mid March Early April.

And the temps usually hit 60's to low 70's F. I like warm weather but not super hot weather like our Summer's which is about 80's to 90's with Humidity.

the Humidity is what makes the heat even worse. But enough blabbering about the weather.....

How is everyone doing?

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Friday January 12, 2018 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

So we will start off with the Good news. I think me and the girl in the U.K. are in a long distance relationship now, She never really told me?

And I put in an application to Target to be a Cart Attendent. Not sure if they will consider me?

Anyways I went to the doctor's yesterday because I have been feeling Depressed for the past couple of weeks.

So here's the Bad news.....

Since I was feeling Depressed and a little "S", they upped the dosage of my medications, because that's basically all they could do to keep me out of the hospital.

I haven't started the new dosage yet but I think I'm alright for now.

I'm just kinda hanging on, a thin line between Stable and Depressed.....

It's kinda like a waiting game to see when I'll snap again.