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Dead Beaten, Broken Promises- Lies and Secrets Kept Untold ( Your a Blue Eyed Lightning Bolt) Nothing's Absolutely Definent.....

on January 15, 2013 - 2:29pm

well I knew it was bound to happen I have Bipolar type 2 Manic Depressive

and Seasonal Depression

I just went through a Manic phase and now I am in a state of psycotic Depression

and I'm sorta in a Crisis

no no I'm not saying I'm going to hurt myself or anything like that I'm perfectly safe

all I'm saying is that

I'm tired of being used

and what I mean by this is every girl I meet wants to date me and only date me for sex

why? why do they only want sex from me ? why can't I have a normal relationship?

and I don't know what religion to be anymore so I'm just whatever I give up

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gnawr kill

on January 13, 2013 - 7:43am

So I'm kinda having theese weird thoughts about satan and death and shit like that

I'm not even a satanist or anything, I'm agnostic I don't know what to believe in

I don't know where any of you stand on this but I have become unstable because of it.

I feel like over dossing or something I need help but my parents won't listen

And if any of you fucking trolls get on here and say shit I'd love to see this actually happen to you

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on January 6, 2013 - 6:02pm

Fuck work, Fuck Politics, Fuck the government

I hate my Job, I hate the Government, I hate Society

rabble rabble rabble

They took my Job

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Skylines and Turntables

on January 6, 2013 - 5:10pm

You know how they say everyone is destined to find some one in there lives?

well I haven't found my calling and I don't know if I ever will (WTF is wrong with me?)

anyways I know I have alot of mistakes to fault and things I'm not proud of doing in the past but that shouldn't stop some one from not liking you? should it?

and so what if I explore my faith however the hell I choose atleast I'm not the child from the Omen

I just want someone that likes me for me and doesn't judge me, someone that accepts me for the fact that I'm Bipolar and wasn't the smartest kid in highschool

ffs I just want

BlueBurnsBlack's picture

I wish I had a GF

on December 22, 2012 - 5:20pm

Ive been single for 6 months now I just wish I could have some one that could care for me



BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Monday May 24, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

.The computer
[x] I spent hours at a time on the computer.
[x] Without the computer, life would not be the same.
[x] I depend so much on my computer, if it broke down, I would cry.
[x] I have sooooo many pictures, files, games & other things saved on my computer.
[x] When I have homework or other responsibilities, I tend to go on the computer instead.
[x] I have been late to something because I couldn't get off the damn computer.
[x] My parents always say that they're 'going to take away my internet' because they know that would be the ultimate punishment.
Total: 7

Online chat/phone
[x] I have spent more than 6 hours talking on the phone.
[ x] My phone is practically attached to my ear.
[x] I have gone to sleep extremely late because I was up all time talking on the phone.
[x] My cellphone bill is too high.
[x] If my MSN/AIM/Yahoo, etc. won't allow me to sign in, I go crazy.
[x] I have over 200 online buddies.
[x] I met good friends, or even my best friend, online.
[x] I meet people in person that I met on the internet, complete strangers.
[x] I spent more time in chatrooms than I do with my own family/friends.
[x] I rather chat online than by phone, email, or in person.
Total: 17

[x] I am ALWAYS reading something.
[] I have 100 + magazines.
[x] I buy more than 3 magazines every month.
[x] I am subscribed to more than 3 magazines.
[x] I am soon gonna run out of space to put all my magazines!/books!
[x] When my mom threatens that she's gonna throw out my magazines/books, I yell & tell her that I'm keeping them forever!
[x] Reading is way more fun than TV, computer, music, etc.
[x] Books are my life. I even wanna write a book.
[x] I spend more money on books/magazines than I do on clothes every month.
Total: 25

[x] Without music, my life would be miserable.
[x] It seems that I'm always humming or singing something.
[x] I like every type of music.
[] My mp3 player/iPod has over 1000 songs.
[x]Not to mention the huge amount of songs I have on my computer.
[] I have 200+ CD's.
[x] Music cheers me up, makes me happy, relieves my stress.
[x] Whatever mood I'm in, I can always listen to some music.
[x] I am/want to be in a band.
[x] I lost count of how many concerts I've been to.

[ x] I see at least 4 movies in theatres per month.
[x] I have so many DVD's, I don't know where all of them are!
[x] I have a DVD player in my room, that I use often.
[x] I buy every movie that I really like.
[x] I keep all my movie stubs.
[x] I am always quoting things from movies.
[x] I can list 20 of my favourite movies right now.
[ ] I watch the Oscars religiously.
[x] Movies are better than TV shows & music put together.
[x] I have over 5 favorite actors & over 5 favorite actresses.

Make-up, hair & other girly things (and femininity for males)
[x] I straighten my hair daily
[x] I don't remember how my own natural hair colour looks unless I look at old pictures.
[x] I have so much eye liner, I don't even use half of it.
[x] I have more than 5 eyeliners, 5 eyeshadow palets
[] I wear bows, hairbands, ribbons, etc. in my hair.
[x] I get my hair cut more than once every 3 months.
[] I LOVE pink, anything pink is good!
[x] Flowers are awesome, as well as chocolate, jewelry & designer clothes.
[x ] Accessories are actually more important to me than my clothes!
[ ] I have more than 5 purses.
Total: 49

[x] I watch at least 5 shows per day.
[x] I spend more than 5 hours watching TV every day.
[x] I am addicted to some shows.
[x] If I miss an episode of my favourite show, I'll freak out.
[x] I watch TV before I go to sleep.
[x ] My alarm clock is my TV.
[x] I have seen every MTV show at least once.
[x] I have more than 500 channels on my TV.
[x] use picture-in-picture.
[x] During commercials, I flip to other channels to watch something else.

[ x] I watch sports every day.
[x] I have been on a sports team more than 5 times.
[ x] I play sports any chance I get.
[x ] I am very athletic & fit.
[ ] I work out all the time.
[x] I also walk, run, bike, or swim on a regular basic (as a way of exercising).
[x] I have a favourite basketball, soccer, baseball, etc. player as well as favourite teams.
[x] I like to be outside waayy more than staying inside.
[x] I don't mind getting sweaty or breaking a nail.
[] No, I'm not girly.
Total: 67

[x] I am in love with chocolate.
[x] I will eat anything once.
[x] I always eat when I'm bored, stressed, watching TV, etc.
[x] I don't care about my weight, all I wanna do is eat!
[x] I have tried Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Indian, as well as other kind of dishes.
[x] I don't have many foods that I dislike.
[x] I like going to parties or other gatherings for the food!
[x] My friends say I'm a pig when it comes to food.
[x] I cannot go to the mall without eating something at the food court.
[x] Snacking is my favourite pastime.

Going out/friends
[] I go to tons of parties every year.
[x] I have more friends than I can count.
[x] If someone invites me to go somewhere, I don't care what mood I'm in, I'm going!
[x] Movie theatres, amusement parks & malls are among my favourite places.
[x] I hate staying in, I'd rather be out 24/7.
[x] The computer is cool, but partying is so much better!
[x]My friends & I do crazyyy things!
[x] I cannot pay attention in class because I'm always chatting with friends or thinking about what I'm gonna do that night.
[x ] Work? Who has time for a job when you can hang out with your friends instead!
Total: 85

[x] I go shopping at least twice a week .
[x] I don't care how many shoes or accessories I have, I always need more!
[x] There's always more room in my closet for more clothes.
[x] I follow fashion/trends.
[x] I have 10 or more pairs of jeans.
[] I have 30+ shoes.
[x] The mall = best place ever!
[x] I spend money like nothing else.
[x] I can't just 'hang' at the mall, I have to buy something!
[x] I want a job at my favourite store so I can get discounts & go shopping after work!
Total: 94

Bad things
[] I steal/shoplift frequently.
[] I smoke cigarettes every day.
[] I smoke something other than cigarettes regularly.
[x] I have gone to school/work high or drunk.
[x] I get drunk when I'm with friends & then do stupid things.
[x] I have done sexual things under the influence.
[x] I curse ALL the time.
[x] I fight with people constantly.
[x] I have been arrested.
[x] I am banned from 2 or more places.

grand totAL = 101 with out a multiplyer bonus

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Monday May 24, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

she entered my life not even knowing who i was but now she knows me liek a book and i love her she is everything i could ask for in a girl and then some mimzi you and me are meant to be and if anyone else has anything to say abotu it then they can say it to my face cuz i don;t care im in lurves wit you

BlueBurnsBlack's picture
Thursday May 20, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

you are the girl of my dreams i think about you every day before i go to bed and when i wake up every time i get a message form you it makes me happy and makes me want to see you more and more.

i just can't stand a day not being able to talk to you

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Wednesday May 19, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

If i die tonight lord bring me back to life i just can't stand the fact of her not lieng next to me gosh i have taken my life for granted for what i have bleed my self dry look at the stars look how the shine for you and everything you do yeah and they where all yellow, and do you know you know i love you so do you know, you know i love you so and it was all yellow, sometimes i say i forget myself and sometimes i really don't know who i am but this time i can say i really found myself and it was all yellow

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Tuesday May 18, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

this is my life that i have never shown before somebody shake me cuz i i must be dreaming

i've tried to hold it together for 12 years but it's coming all down hill on me all at once and it fucking sucks.

these are my words that i've never said before, this is my smile that i've never shown before

and now that were here so far away.

for 12 years i've been holding my true emotions inside and hiding under one big lie for 12 years i have been trying to die trying to end my life for what?

there is nothing after you die or maybe there is that idfk im just sick and tired of this crap i want it to end.

i've been to the asylum over 14 times my entire life and it hasn't really helped i'm jsut going to end up back there in about 6 months or so.

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Saturday May 08, 2010 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

so we are going to play a game and we ask each other questions about each other to know each other better kinda like playing 50 questions but it never ends