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on September 14, 2017 - 3:48pm

well today I bought a $20 Scratch off ticket at my Publix ( grocery store) that I work at.

It was a 100X the money scratcher, and I got the 100X symbol under a $5 prize.....

So I won $500. that's more money than what I make in a week worth of Pay at my job.

Any ways I had $8 this morning ( cash), and I bought a Powerball and a $2 scratcher and lost the $2 scratcher, but now I am super curious about the Powerball......

Because I had a Dream last night that I won the Lottery on a Scratch off ticket, except in my dream I won $10 Million not $500.

So with that being said ; if I do win the

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on September 4, 2017 - 4:10pm

Well Kim Jong Un and Trump are about to Pile Drive us into World War 3.

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Mortuary Sub Complications Part 4

on September 1, 2017 - 3:35pm

I just got off work an hour ago. It was alright, I just wish I didn't have to go to work.....

anyways how is everyone doing? those of you who still use this site?

Also it's September 1st, so you know what that means?????

Wake Me Up When September Ends. Like Seriously I fucking wish I had the whole month off.

I just need a break, I'm tired of work, I'm stressed out, still throwing up due to Anxiety problems, Haven't seen my therapist in over 3 months because fucking medicaid won't cover it.

I'm slowly but surely starting to lose it. I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need.


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on August 7, 2017 - 3:02pm

Well My Mom got a new job so I will be moving to a new City closer to my Sister and Brother.

I will also be closer to my friend but she hasn't talked to me in a few weeks.

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we couldn't think of a title

on July 25, 2017 - 4:17am

Well I had another medical procedure done....

They said my stomach doesn't digest food properly? Idk but I had to do all these stomach tests, because I have been having problems with throwing up after I eat.

( not BULIMIA) but it is kinda weird.

Anyways I worked a 33 hour week last week an,d I worked 18 hours this week, so I should get a pretty good pay check this thursday from last week.

Otherwise everything else is fine.

I just feel like nobody ever really comments on blogs anymore.............



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Tuesday March 21, 2017 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well I was Hospitalized back in February? and I met this girl who was like 21 or 22; in the ER in the main Hospital Admission place.

She was really pretty and nice, but I don't know what happened to her, or even where she lives.

but I just wanted to catch y'all up on stuff. work has been work; they decided to cut my hours so I'm thinking they want to fire me but are too much of a coward to actually tell me I'm fired, they would rather cut my hours until I quit the job.

Also I had both engagement parties for my brother and his fiance. One in January and one at the beginning of March.

Next is the wedding for my brother in April, and I am his best man. But other than that; I've just been myself some days, and other days I just feel lonely and hopeless.

I just have this sense of doubt that I'm never going to find a gf again, but I've been talking to some people on different sites, but haven't gotten to the point where I've met anyone yet.

I also go to a support group called NAMI ( National Alliance Mental Illness) but there's rarely anyone there that I'm interested in. I mean there is one girl; but she has a BF. So other than that all the other girls are not my type.

But yeah I've just been feeling kinda Down the past couple of days, because I'm tired of being single, and my job is fucking around with my hours and shit.

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Wednesday February 22, 2017 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well today marks 7 years since I found out about this site. Loool. Funny thing is when I found out about it I was in High School as a Senior. I would log in on my school's computer's ( funny it wasn't blocked by the firewall).

Well I hope everyone has a good day and all.

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Thursday January 26, 2017 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

I sit Alone in a quiet room, on the edge of a breakdown, Tell me what I'm missing, what could I do; I'm so Afraid of what I've Become.

And when I think of you, Do you realize I still miss you? What have I done, I can't change; though I wanted to.

I'm all alone in a quiet room and I think about you everyday. Do you even realize I still love you?

Are you happy with who you're with, do you even care about me anymore?

Tell me what I'm missing I can't seem to get over you.

What have I done to make you hate me so much? I don't want to loose you, even though I think I already have.

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Saturday December 24, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well Merry Christmas everyone, Another Year I'll be single....

Hopefully I'll find someone soon.

If I could take it all back and have you back Skullrose I would but I don't even think you are on this site anymore.

I wanted to tell you that the post about the Relationship wasn't about you, It was about an Ex of mine from when I was 18.

There's so many things from past relationships I wish I could take back but the people I was with probably don't want anything to do with me.

I'm a pathetic loser.

*Sigh* Why do I always fuck up everything?

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Thursday December 08, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

I haven't posted in a while, but here we go...... I recently ( within the last 2 and a half weeks maybe?)

Had an almost Psychotic Break and went to my Psychiatrist and Therapist.

[ I have a history of seasonal depression around the holidays]. So here's the story. It's kinda long so bare with me.

My ex Megan from 10th Grade when we were both in Boarding School ( for Behavioral and Mental Disorders) [ funny thing is the website says that it's a school for Asperbergers/Autism Students] However no one at that school was there for that.

But back to the story My ex from 10th Grade who was 18 when I was 16, ended up contacting me, on FB and wanted to be in a Relationship with me; when she is Engaged to someone else, so she messages me and says you know I still love you right? and all this other shit. Then she says you know I'm cheating right? I'm like yeah I don't really care. Then she goes on to explain how she wants to marry me; but she can't cuz of her Fiance, I was just thinking leave me alone bitch.

And she ended up going to Jail for bringing a knife to school for me because I had a psychotic Homicidal episode where I was going to kill everyone in my school.

So I'm just thinking why the fuck are you messaging me?!

I ended up blocking her though, and other than that I've been in a lot of stress over Work, I had a speeding ticket that's been paid for, a Fender Bender that has been paid for, and now I ran over a mail box that has been paid for.

So the last two months have been chaotic for me.

Also within the last year my oldest dog Autumn my retriever has been throwing up once a week, or so. She's 10 and she also has a lot of Fatty Tumors on her body. I'm worried with her Age, that she won't live much longer.

Knowing that I've had her since I was 15 I will miss her when she dies; very much. But if my mom would allow it, ( she's said we aren't getting any more dogs for a long time) but if and when Autumn dies I would want to get another Golden Retriever.

We have two Shelties also One is a Merel named Walker who is 5 but he has Hip Displasia ( spelling) and is slowly declining in health. The other one is 2 and is a Sable and his name is Toby.

But I guess that's everything that's been bothering me.

Also I've been Single for 3 Years if You Count Long Distance. I had a few relationships here and there over the 3 years but they only lasted like a Month or less. So I don't count those.

Otherwise my last relationship where I actually saw the person and could touch the person was when I was 20. So 5 years.

I told y'all it was going to be a long blog.

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Monday November 28, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

I know right? I actually miss being hospitalized and the people I meet while I'm there...

I almost once had a GF from being Hospitalized only to have a new patient who was an ex gang member steal her over.

But I miss the patients I'd be with, the food, the atmosphere in general. I mean I guess what I'm trying to say is I need a break from reality; but I'm actually not in a Mental Health situation that would require me to be put into the Hospital.

So why then do I miss being in one? I don't get it? I just feel so lonely all the time because I'm single but my depression on a scale of 1-10 is about a 4. I'm not having any "S" thoughts and I don't have any psychotic behavior going on either......

So then how could I escape the reality of work and daily life for just a short period of time to where I could just have a short Mental Vacation away from the drama and daily struggles of Adult Life and Work?