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The demon in your walls's picture

....

on January 25, 2021 - 3:05pm

To put it short, i dont come here nowadays
i dont talk to nearly anyone on here anymore, seeing as most of the friends i originally made here have left this site in search of something else
It makes me sad though, as id be leaving the few that cant leave the site (or wont)
I dont really enjoy returning to this site anymore. It has a different feeling to it than it used to.
Im not sure how to describe it any other way than surreal and silent
Though its not silent...
its like the heartbeat of this place has gone quiet but the mind hasnt
theres no blood running through the veins but there

The demon in your walls's picture

huge tw

on January 20, 2021 - 4:15pm

my mom got super pissed earlier for like no reason
she took my phone because i cleaned the bathroom with the wrong cleaner and then i lied about it because i didnt want to tell her the truth im having a fucking panic attack/mental breakdown and i kinda wanted to kill myself earlier im sorry i didnt want those thoughts back but i think they might be back im scared
im fucking scared i dont want to want death its not even that bad wtf
wtf is wrong with me its not even that bad i need help wtf help me fuck

why the fuck am i freaking out this much im so fucking scared why is my brain like this

The demon in your walls's picture

As of today

on January 15, 2021 - 12:37pm

still on hiatus
hiatus might deepen
things happened somewhere not here and i feel like my main friends are against me
no offense to other friends i just talked more with them

not that i will anymore
well
i dunno
feel like i cant trust em anymore
like i have with a lot of people
feel like they might as well be against me
if theyre not already
a few of you know what i mean
i know the new year didnt mean anything
how could it
things didnt change
not that they were going to
but i just

i dont have energy
i dont feel a need to do things
i only do them because if i didnt my mom would get pissed and

The demon in your walls's picture

not that anyone else will understand this even if youve read my posts since before the forced account switch thing

on January 14, 2021 - 7:26am

FANG POSTED ON HIS BLOG AKA THE PLACE I USED TO RP AND SHIT ON AND THEN HE DIDNT FOR TWO YEARS AND LIKE

HES BACK???
HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ON OFTEN NOW?????
(not me casually going hehehe because i was the last person he responded to before he fuckin yote himself off the site like tf)

SO YEAH TOTALLY FLIPPING TF OUT

that site (and this one ofc) are basically the reasons i have half the friends i have rn

*casually sits in corner and screams into a pillow*

The demon in your walls's picture

-hiatus-

on January 11, 2021 - 7:01am

sorry i havent been on
i havent really done much
i probably wont be on much still

the rabbit demon continues to plague my subcoscious
terrorizing me
eating away at my resolve
what little i had
it makes me tired
its draining me
like it did in that dream
draining the blo-...

...

...

...

something about this place has changed
like going to a school after youve already graduated
but i havent graduated here yet
its like
the seasons have changed
but this is still in summer
or
like the calendar for last year is still pinned to the wall here
like
it seems behind for some reason

i miss how it was
but

Pages

MY BLOG

The demon in your walls's picture
Monday January 25, 2021 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

To put it short, i dont come here nowadays
i dont talk to nearly anyone on here anymore, seeing as most of the friends i originally made here have left this site in search of something else
It makes me sad though, as id be leaving the few that cant leave the site (or wont)
I dont really enjoy returning to this site anymore. It has a different feeling to it than it used to.
Im not sure how to describe it any other way than surreal and silent
Though its not silent...
its like the heartbeat of this place has gone quiet but the mind hasnt
theres no blood running through the veins but there continue to be thoughts

ah thats it, a spirit

This place feels like a lonely spirit to me now.

Like the body has been left somewhere abandoned but the soul still stalks across the landscape, searching for something.
Perhaps something big will happen again soon and the site will buzz back to life.
Resurrected as the chemical monster
It doesnt seem likely though....

-The demon in your walls

The demon in your walls's picture
Wednesday January 20, 2021 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

my mom got super pissed earlier for like no reason
she took my phone because i cleaned the bathroom with the wrong cleaner and then i lied about it because i didnt want to tell her the truth im having a fucking panic attack/mental breakdown and i kinda wanted to kill myself earlier im sorry i didnt want those thoughts back but i think they might be back im scared
im fucking scared i dont want to want death its not even that bad wtf
wtf is wrong with me its not even that bad i need help wtf help me fuck

why the fuck am i freaking out this much im so fucking scared why is my brain like this fuck my fucking brain i hate it i hate me fuck

The demon in your walls's picture
Friday January 15, 2021 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

still on hiatus
hiatus might deepen
things happened somewhere not here and i feel like my main friends are against me
no offense to other friends i just talked more with them

not that i will anymore
well
i dunno
feel like i cant trust em anymore
like i have with a lot of people
feel like they might as well be against me
if theyre not already
a few of you know what i mean
i know the new year didnt mean anything
how could it
things didnt change
not that they were going to
but i just

i dont have energy
i dont feel a need to do things
i only do them because if i didnt my mom would get pissed and shit would be worse

see shit could be worse
but
that doesnt mean its not bad right now

never tell someone "well it could be worse"
that shit pisses me off
theres things i want to do
but i wont
not to myself...
to others
i feel like im a quickly destabilizing atom
like
one little bump and ill take out half of japan
or at least half a building
i dunno
they shrug everything off
they say
im just being a teenager
everyone thought that once or twice
yeah well what about every few hours
dont think thats normal
"whatever you dont have to act like this to be special"
"dont be someone else just so others will like you more or whatever"
-my parents when they invaded my fuckin life and read through the texts between trusted friends and such
yeah
cuz im incapable of having my own thoughts
how dare i try to be happy
ha
imagine
if i was a grenade
they pull my pin
shrapnel
e v e r y w h e r e

oh but max...
fuck

hes the one thing keeping me from blowing up
from the pin slowly falling out to the ground and the world watching as the air around me turns grey and the boom spreads everywhere

haha
metaphor

maybe

The demon in your walls's picture
Thursday January 14, 2021 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

FANG POSTED ON HIS BLOG AKA THE PLACE I USED TO RP AND SHIT ON AND THEN HE DIDNT FOR TWO YEARS AND LIKE

HES BACK???
HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ON OFTEN NOW?????
(not me casually going hehehe because i was the last person he responded to before he fuckin yote himself off the site like tf)

SO YEAH TOTALLY FLIPPING TF OUT

that site (and this one ofc) are basically the reasons i have half the friends i have rn

*casually sits in corner and screams into a pillow*
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The demon in your walls's picture
Monday January 11, 2021 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

sorry i havent been on
i havent really done much
i probably wont be on much still

the rabbit demon continues to plague my subcoscious
terrorizing me
eating away at my resolve
what little i had
it makes me tired
its draining me
like it did in that dream
draining the blo-...

...

...

...

something about this place has changed
like going to a school after youve already graduated
but i havent graduated here yet
its like
the seasons have changed
but this is still in summer
or
like the calendar for last year is still pinned to the wall here
like
it seems behind for some reason

i miss how it was
but thats how it was
not how it is
for now at least

do things ever just sink in at 3 am when youre supposed to be asleep but your brain wont let you because its telling you that next year is the last year of high school and you have no real plan for after you graduate
like you have little ideas and semi-jokes but nothing that you could actually call a plan
nothing that could actually get you the fuck out of here

i want to go back to elementary
no
thats a lie
i want to go back to the time before it felt like the world was set up for me to fail
before i knew things about the world
back to when kissing behind bleachers was a fantasy and before my body became my rival
before the bell screamed my tired legs' defeat
and juggling 7 hours of classes to memorize wasnt a worry i had

before i started seeing things as
black and white
simple and complex
i hug the darkness
keep things simple
run from complexity as im set to fail
failure means yelling
failure means tears
failure means "quit half assing shit all the time!"
failure means things get worse
cling to simple
simple gets you through
simple is easier
harder to fail

but after high school
theres so much white
so bright
nearly blinding
high school itself
like football field flood lights
set up to fail
break you down
society wants to mold you
make you theirs
clean up your looks with all the lies and the books
to make a citizen out of you
teach you what to believe in
what to think
how to be
"you get what you get and you dont throw a fit"
not in front of people at least

but thats how things are
and a few teenagers arent going to change that
especially not with how things are lately
its just a cycle
life
struggle
defeat
death
we live to inevitably die
most of us die for nothing
but those that do die martyrs
that word
martyr
seems so
negative
not even the meaning of it
just the word itself

but
the world keeps spinning
no matter what the tiny specks of people on it do
turning
and turning
and turning
till the sun consumes itself
and everything around it
the inevitable black hole of overpowering doom
no escape
no hope for another tomorrow

Bonne journée, my friends
-The demon in your walls

The demon in your walls's picture
Wednesday December 16, 2020 
| Posted by: The demon in yo...

EUUUUGHHH FUCK

i saw my FUCKING ex earlier
the less shitty one who didnt cheat
well
tbh he might have
anyways
HES A FUCKING ASSHOLE

he disrespected one of my friends by calling HIM she/her shit and then didnt like correct himself and shit he was just like "heh woops"
so then i chased his ass down (he was running from me) and had a whole ass talk that he better respect my goddamn friends or *insert one of various threats here*
he said alright and then he said "im sorry for the stuff i put you through, ive changed from who i was. Im different now"
that shit kinda shocked me
but then i just like
idk i walked away cuz i didnt know what the fuck to say to that and then later he decided to be the same asshole self that he used to be
he first off, didnt respect shit about me being a dude (mainly i think because it wouldve made him somewhat gay to have dated me and shit)
second, he made the same stupid offensive jokes and shit he used to make, literally no change there
third, he kept fucking talking to me in a less than respectful way like bitch if youre sorry youre gonna be nice to me not the shit talk you were giving me earlier
ugh

He kept running from me though
and two of his friends were there so he was actually scared or he wouldnt have been running

i felt confident and shit
i didnt take that shit
i didnt do the submissive bullshit i wouldve when we were dating
i had comebacks to his asshole comments and usually they just rendered him fuckin lost on how to return it back to me

he fucking
ugh that asshole
he walked by me and pointedly said loudly "man im glad im getting skinny" (hed said some shit about my weight once or twice while we were dating) and i said "Really? wow i couldnt tell."
so that was decent
there were a few others where i just fucking let loose on his ass
he started getting a lil harsher with his shit and i just kept upping the level of "done with your shit" on my face and in my voice

he was talking to one of the younger kids like "hey dont let her touch you or she'll give you acne" and i said "bitch i didnt have acne until after we dated so thanks for that"

another time he was saying something about "thank you for taking her off my hands" to one of my friends and i said "bitch you wish i had been pulled away, i didnt respond to your fucking texts for two weeks and you finally got the hint."
i was also thinking "im not the one who texted every 4 months after we broke up asking to get back together like the desperate bitch you are"

ugh im so done with his shit
if he texts me (i unblocked him last time i saw him because i actually felt BAD for being a bitch to him) then im going to absolutely unload on his ass every insult ive thought about him and just fucking make him see how much fury he has caused me to hold
then ill block him again

god
why the fuck did i date him?
oh because i was in a bad place and i didnt want to be single

ugh

motherfucker brought a mask he wore two years ago on halloween for the gift exchange (wore it around for a bit before the exchange actually happend and there was some fucking stains and shit on it like ugh)
he was like "i wiped it off, its clean" and i was like "i dont know that mask seems pretty greasy inside still"

like ugh

one time i have confidence and i have to waste on his ass

OH FUCK IF HE HAD SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HIS FUCKING RAPPING I WOULDVE DROPPED HIS ASS TO THE FLOOR INSTANTLY
THAT WAS THE MOST ANNOYING SHIT EVER
EVERYWHERE WE WENT HED TELL THEM HIS YOUTUBE AND THAT HES "an up and coming rapper" AND JUST UGH
I told him how much it irritated me and he was like "well i gotta get it started and then i wont have to because people will know"
ugh this motherfucker
his freestyle was "yeah" every other word and he almost always said "fuck life they dont get it" in EVERY FUCKING SONG
LIKE BITCH CAN YOU GET ANY MORE BASIC SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER
GOD

if i see him again god i hope i have the confidence to just slap the absolute shit out of him
actually fuck confidence he says any more disrespectful shit to me im getting my friends and im slapping the absolute shit out of him
imma yell in his face too
"i have fuckin CHANGED unlike you bitch"

im not that little submissive shit who laughed off the pain and disrespect
im fucking powerful
i hope he realizes that