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zzombieyum's blog

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zzombieyum's picture

bah

on October 25, 2020 - 9:23pm

hey scum bags <3

im sorry i havent been online in forever!!! life has been a rollarcoaster. im on the call with my friend rn and he wants to see my page. how are you all????? i feel bad that i havent been online much and sweet phantom left me a message and i wasn't online to respond......

anyways i just baked pretty halloween cookies and its nearly 12:00am.

im researching paganism a lot and pretty into it. i think that having some aspect of religion would be helpful and it makes me feel pretty peaceful. idk just being outdoors and studying all of it.

on video chat with firesite.

zzombieyum's picture

noodles

on October 6, 2020 - 5:32am

no class until 11. i should probably work on homework until then. i'm really falling behind and slacking on the homework and readings.....

really trying to stay out of 24 hour care now. i don't want to leave school. i'm really anxious about grades... but thats no reason to give up and give in. also i have to pay for housing and tuition if i leave soooooooo...

i like that its getting cooler. its just the beginning of fall but live in new England so the trees are really pretty!

I'll probably go to the dining hall soon because, as i said, i'm really trying to stay out of 24 hour care.

zzombieyum's picture

Good results from bad situations

on October 3, 2020 - 3:40am

Listening to Diller Signs at home.

I had to get IV fluids last night. So that wasn't great.... my kidney was sad because it was thirsty. but I actually feel SO much better now! I drove back to school, stopped at dunks (can you tell im from Boston lol) and got a coffee. Then 8 did both my labs and it 5ook two hours but it was super last minute so I'm glad I got to it.

But it got me thinking, maybe I felt so shitty and couldn't focus because I was dehydrated because now I feel awesome!

Of course getting back on board 2ith eating 2ont be easy, but doing that homework encouraged me to stay in

zzombieyum's picture

new treatment facility TW eating disorder

on September 30, 2020 - 4:35pm

is anyone here from north carolina? i know brokenup (who was here years ago but i still have her contact info) is. I live near Boston Massachussets. My dietitian recommended a treatment center for me, Veritas. she likes it because all of the residential places i have been to are 3-5 weeks but she says to be more effective it should be much longer. Veritas is about 3 months of residential.

I agree that i should try a new approach. but only when im committed to recovery. right now my bones are beginning to pop out even in my chest and that hasnt ever happened before. i find it exhilarating.

i

zzombieyum's picture

chin up!

on September 29, 2020 - 10:12am

i need to be more positive. i have tutoring in 20 mins. everyone in my class said the same thing as me, that the quizzes have nothing to do with what we are learning in class. a lot of people also found the exact same questions on quizlet! maybe there is hope of correcting the course so that we can all pass because everyone is struggling.

im drinking a starbucks cappachino.

called a couple rehab centers. i want to fix myself. i want to get better sometimes, and im trying to hang on to that part of myself even when i'm not there at all.

i gotta pick my chin up and look at the positives.

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zzombieyum's picture
bah
Sunday October 25, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

hey scum bags <3

im sorry i havent been online in forever!!! life has been a rollarcoaster. im on the call with my friend rn and he wants to see my page. how are you all????? i feel bad that i havent been online much and sweet phantom left me a message and i wasn't online to respond......

anyways i just baked pretty halloween cookies and its nearly 12:00am.

im researching paganism a lot and pretty into it. i think that having some aspect of religion would be helpful and it makes me feel pretty peaceful. idk just being outdoors and studying all of it.

on video chat with firesite. i just recruited him here. so say hiiiiii!

i miss being here <3 i miss all of you.

out of school now. just gonna go to residential next week. hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday. also hanging out with firesite and my roommate from last year tomorrow (if im not in resi by then but honestly fingers crossed i will be because ive been waiting for a bed for two weeks. they are all backed up because there was a COVD case in one of the facilities i usually end up in.

im sad that im out of school though. im still technically enrolled but just waiting for a doctors letter to be excused from school because of medical leave.

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Tuesday October 06, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

no class until 11. i should probably work on homework until then. i'm really falling behind and slacking on the homework and readings.....

really trying to stay out of 24 hour care now. i don't want to leave school. i'm really anxious about grades... but thats no reason to give up and give in. also i have to pay for housing and tuition if i leave soooooooo...

i like that its getting cooler. its just the beginning of fall but live in new England so the trees are really pretty!

I'll probably go to the dining hall soon because, as i said, i'm really trying to stay out of 24 hour care. they open at 8:30 and it's 8:30 now so i'll leave in a few. the dining hall hours have changed though so now they are open less hours or you have to get your food to go :(

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Saturday October 03, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

Listening to Diller Signs at home.

I had to get IV fluids last night. So that wasn't great.... my kidney was sad because it was thirsty. but I actually feel SO much better now! I drove back to school, stopped at dunks (can you tell im from Boston lol) and got a coffee. Then 8 did both my labs and it 5ook two hours but it was super last minute so I'm glad I got to it.

But it got me thinking, maybe I felt so shitty and couldn't focus because I was dehydrated because now I feel awesome!

Of course getting back on board 2ith eating 2ont be easy, but doing that homework encouraged me to stay in school instead of treatment.

Xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Wednesday September 30, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

is anyone here from north carolina? i know brokenup (who was here years ago but i still have her contact info) is. I live near Boston Massachussets. My dietitian recommended a treatment center for me, Veritas. she likes it because all of the residential places i have been to are 3-5 weeks but she says to be more effective it should be much longer. Veritas is about 3 months of residential.

I agree that i should try a new approach. but only when im committed to recovery. right now my bones are beginning to pop out even in my chest and that hasnt ever happened before. i find it exhilarating.

i dont want to leave school and i dont want to take a break from life but i dont want to be battling this shit my entire life it's already been about 7 years in treatment. and you know what they say, there is no perfect or ideal time to go to treatment. no matter what is going on it will intrude on life. so i guess, once i hit a new rock bottom or have a medical emergency because of it, i'm holding back.

i have a meeting with my PCP tomorrow. i saw her three weeks ago and i've lost a lot of weight no specific numbers but more than 5 less than 15. yeah. i dont want her to determine that i need care because if she says so, what can i do?

my aunt is driving me because i need a LOT of labs and after blood tests (especially when I'm already kinda weakened) i can't drive because i nearly or actually pass out.

i just needed to get that out.

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Tuesday September 29, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

i need to be more positive. i have tutoring in 20 mins. everyone in my class said the same thing as me, that the quizzes have nothing to do with what we are learning in class. a lot of people also found the exact same questions on quizlet! maybe there is hope of correcting the course so that we can all pass because everyone is struggling.

im drinking a starbucks cappachino.

called a couple rehab centers. i want to fix myself. i want to get better sometimes, and im trying to hang on to that part of myself even when i'm not there at all.

i gotta pick my chin up and look at the positives. maybe then i could do better and be ok.

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Monday September 28, 2020 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

Its 6:00 am. I got up at 3:30. Been struggling to sleep.... so I texted my friend and read a lot of mediocre fanatic. Now I just finished a Pete x Patrick fuck or die and Im listening to secondhand serenade, arguably one of the most emo bands. I don't usually ship anyone outside of mcr but I have a very long list of 2,000 stories I want to read so just kind of going through that list.

Other than just just homework and trying to get though emotional and personal shift. Busy scedual this week. Apart from the usual 5 classes I am meeting with my dietitian at 9:00 today and again on Wednesday. I have therapy on tuesdaya and Saturday. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I have a meeting with my general doctor to check up on my weight (which isn't looking good), vitals and labs to prepare for my assessment/intake at the Renfrew center next Thursday. Aka things are rough, if you couldn't tell by the double therapy and dietitian appointments. I'm trying to hang on but its rough.

I've started to feel physical symptoms. Blood sugar crashes. Dizzy and Headaches. Sleeping all the time. Feeling overall week. Loosing a pound a day. Fasting 20+ hours at a time.... i am scaring myself. I want all the weight loss and not eating. But I dont want a heart attack or cardiac arrest. Whenever I call my therapist he always asks if my chest is tingling or any other heart issue questions and its freaking me out a bit. I'm not THAT sick

Xoxoz