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zzombieyum's blog

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zzombieyum's picture

boring update

on October 18, 2019 - 8:13am

i have two tests on monday . im so not prepared . i did get a really good grade in a writing assignment in public speaking though!!

im so hungry . and tiered .

got a text from an old friend from the hospital i was in in april! so thats cool . we write letters to each other because we are cute as fuck .

got to study but so tiered . also think my kettle is broken . its been making weird sounds when i boil water . i need hot water so bad though, for coffee .

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture

hospital take #number i dont even know anymroe

on October 17, 2019 - 4:16pm

back from the hospital... agian
I ODed on alcohol. was unconscious in the ER for 5 hours... all im gonna say is im going sober for a little while. no weed. no booze. no nothing. should actually be kind of difficult...
anyways just wanted to update you on where i was.
xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture

shit.

on October 9, 2019 - 1:40am

it's 4:36am
talked to my therapist on the phone.
he basically said if i dont text him by noon tomorrow that im ok hes going to have someone find me to make sure
thanks but w o w
i drank as much as i could before T asked me to stop.
i kind of wanted it all to end. but im pretty non commital with that stuff so i couldnt make up my mind.
i just want the risk of ending everything. but i dont want to know 100% for sure that i will end everything.
you know?
actually i hope you dont.
my stomach hurts
i blame the vodka.
xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture

i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

on October 3, 2019 - 9:33am

but we all know that that isn't going to happen, don't we....

(the pros and cons of breathing - fall out boy)

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture

Not doing too great because I'm an idiot.

on October 2, 2019 - 9:12am

I'm stressed and depressed

Did something stupid. T and I got in a fight. I really just wanted to be comforted. But that didn't work out. Now I'm worried we won't even be friends ever again...

I don't really care about a sexual or romantic relationship. I just want to go back to being friends. He's my best friend here and that's not something I want to lose.

I literally ugly/hysterically/scream cried from like 9:00-11:00. I called my therapist and we talked for for 45 mins and that was really helpful.

I wish I hadn't given T the link to here. I don't usually do that.

Pages

MY BLOG

zzombieyum's picture
Friday October 18, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

i have two tests on monday . im so not prepared . i did get a really good grade in a writing assignment in public speaking though!!

im so hungry . and tiered .

got a text from an old friend from the hospital i was in in april! so thats cool . we write letters to each other because we are cute as fuck .

got to study but so tiered . also think my kettle is broken . its been making weird sounds when i boil water . i need hot water so bad though, for coffee .

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Thursday October 17, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

back from the hospital... agian
I ODed on alcohol. was unconscious in the ER for 5 hours... all im gonna say is im going sober for a little while. no weed. no booze. no nothing. should actually be kind of difficult...
anyways just wanted to update you on where i was.
xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Wednesday October 09, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

it's 4:36am
talked to my therapist on the phone.
he basically said if i dont text him by noon tomorrow that im ok hes going to have someone find me to make sure
thanks but w o w
i drank as much as i could before T asked me to stop.
i kind of wanted it all to end. but im pretty non commital with that stuff so i couldnt make up my mind.
i just want the risk of ending everything. but i dont want to know 100% for sure that i will end everything.
you know?
actually i hope you dont.
my stomach hurts
i blame the vodka.
xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Thursday October 03, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

but we all know that that isn't going to happen, don't we....

(the pros and cons of breathing - fall out boy)

xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
Wednesday October 02, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

I'm stressed and depressed

Did something stupid. T and I got in a fight. I really just wanted to be comforted. But that didn't work out. Now I'm worried we won't even be friends ever again...

I don't really care about a sexual or romantic relationship. I just want to go back to being friends. He's my best friend here and that's not something I want to lose.

I literally ugly/hysterically/scream cried from like 9:00-11:00. I called my therapist and we talked for for 45 mins and that was really helpful.

I wish I hadn't given T the link to here. I don't usually do that. I just really trusted him. I really prefer to keep the site private because I feel safe here. The MCRmy is my family. And I feel really exposed when people from the outside come into this part of my life, you know? Like this is practically a diary. No one knows this site exists except for the MCRmy. And not even all killjoys know about it.

I want to talk to T about being friends again but I know he hates me know and how do you start a conversation like that with someone who hates you?? I really do need to talk about this though ...

I was there for him a few weeks ago. I really tried to help and show him I care. I just wanted him to do the same for me.

Anyways I need to go to my jazz history class.

Love you guys

Xoxoz

zzombieyum's picture
M
Tuesday October 01, 2019 
| Posted by: zzombieyum

Now I'm starting to develop feelings for M. She's in my English class. What the fuck is wrong with me why am I such a loser whore.

I still like T but I feel like we are fading. That makes me sad. I mean we still cuddled last night. But we don't do much else ....

M put her arm around me today on the way back from class. Friendly or flirty? Made me feel good regardless.

I feel like I'm crushing on everyone. What's wrong with me? I feel like this is normal behavior for college but I can't help feeling ashamed about it.

Xoxoz