its a beautiful day today. nearly 70. i'm wearing a dress I just got recently from savers and I feel cute today.
If I had to describe my mood in song it would be "i'm so tiered" by Fugazi.
haven't been doing much of anything. want to continue reading "Neverwere" by Neil Gaiman but it's a pretty complicated story line so it's hard to read.
xoxoz
today i toured bridgewater state university, it looks like it may be a good fit. they have really good support and community for LGBTQ students so that makes me feel good. they even have a floor of a dorm designated to queer youth, which i thought was cool.
thats about all thats going on . readinga neil gaiman book at the moment.
listening to MCR right now. it's been so long since i listened to them. feels good to hear them right now. wanted to hear black dragon fighting society. good stuff.
xoxoz
ive been listening to a lot of Queen
i like their music a lot
finished umbrella academy. i loved it. my favorite character was klouse (i know i misspelt lol). i could really see gerard and three cheers come through, especially in the last episode.
xoxoz
hey guys
im doing much better now. i tried the hill center's partial, but it didn't work out.
now im about to go get my body hair ripped out. i've actually been feeling very good about my body recently. i got a very tight dress that i like a lot and i actually like the way my tummy sticks out a little bit in it. and ive found a new adjective to describe myself - pretty. and im very proud of that.
i have a slight problem. I don't really have any fuck buddies or a partner right now. it makes me feel kind of bad about myself. like, am i unlovable? i like my body right now, but does anyone else? im tempted to post pictures online but i feel like thats a bad idea... i wish i had a partner.someone who could consistently remind me i am lovable, beautiful, and keep me company. like a companion. i hardly have friends to hang out with because of their work and school.
i start work again tomorrow. im working three shifts a week right now. im trying to save for an apartment. ill need to get a second job, but first i;ll need to establish stability.
im so tiered . not sure why. maybe its emotional exhaustion. maybe it's from bordom.maybe it's from lack of stimulation. i feel like i can't create anything right now. i just dont have the inspiration or ideas. even . doodling is challenging.
im considering signing up for the summer semester. but then it would be hard to work two jobs. but i dont want to get sucked into a life of retail. i still desperately want to be a social worker.
that's about all i have to say. i need to leave soon anyways
sending hugs to all of you x
xoxoz
im home now
and its just like i left it. still anxious. still having urges. still alone. still no structure.
im worried ill end up back at the hospital because i dont have structure until wendsday.
looking into getting service dog for ptsd/anxiety. they are unbearable and i can't function because of them.
took my PRN. drinking tea. have a heat up neck pillow. listening to Oso Oso. only a little anxious now. but very empty feeling.
hope you guys are ok.
xoxoz
happy birthday gee
whoop de de
youre 42
look at you!
you eat the cake
with the stars you make
we're all here for you
you get us through
our hero to the end
im sure you're a great friend!
---------------------------------------
sorry guys that got a little wack. i had coofee. but i must say it increases my poetry abilities
good news fellas! im splitting this joint today! im going home and im going to pet my dogs and shower and go to a thrift store and cut my hair like anthony's hair and dye my hair and dye my armpit hair. i can't wait to go home! ive been in the hospital for 10 days. not my longest stay but still too long! i cant wait to drive home in my car and listen to music while i drive. im not sure what i'll listent to though. the distillers? the interupters? MCR? my punky funky playlist? so many options!!!
im leaving around noon or one. 4 or 5 hours left.
anyways i gotta go get meds and vitals and fill out some surveys and paaack
love ya buckos!
xoxoz
