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msunevershouldeverknow's picture

erase this, pleeeease!

on October 25, 2016 - 4:11pm

I feel like SUCH an idiot re-reading some of the things I've written! And I KNOW I'm an idiot, when people ignore certain things or ...

oh man! why can't we have an erase button in real life?!?? :(

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one more thought

on October 24, 2016 - 11:23am

I stumbled upon Electric Century again last night. I'm really digging this album, and especially after digging up the past and listening to a lot of older stuff. (i feel this album is an '80s throwback, which, if you didn't already know...yeah i kinda lived through that too aha --haha omg Aha!! anyway)

but I've ALSO been listening to Pink Floyd a LOT lately, particularly The Wall, and on YouTube now (because I don't own the EP, although I might have to now) and listening again to "Hail the Saints". Omg! This is brilliant!!! :D
I like it a lot! ;)

so, check it out, if you haven't.

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10 years/kill all your friends hehe/ and even TOP Cancer cover commentary :P

on October 24, 2016 - 10:47am

"it's been 10 bitter years since I've been seeing your face" LITERALLY just played by ! haha
Anyone else think it's eerie that this was re-released for the 10year anniversary. :P

Yea, kindof forgot (to listen) on the actual day, but i'm listening to MCRX right now. ;)

I suppose I should say SOMETHING about the past 10years. Neon Heart ;) reminded me that i DID actually live through this album, but sadly I was too stubborn to get it and listen through it.

msunevershouldeverknow's picture

untitled...because I wish I had that song on the new MCRX album. :P

on October 7, 2016 - 7:37pm

Mrs. Corrigan, thanks for the new reply on my post from a few days back. Yeah, having yet another one of those days where I fear I messed up by either my words or my actions. (And I was doing SO GOOD too!..haha kindalike charbars recent post. Hey my friend!

Ok, I don't really lie singling people out in my posts, but I dont really mind when others do it to me, so I hope y'all dont mind me. Um, so where was I?

oh yes, doing stupid stuff. Not really, but idk. I am afraid again. But rather than dwell and make things worse, welli came here (haha so sorry! :P ) No because I know it's safe here.

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not that kind of girl/mcrx listening

on October 1, 2016 - 12:02pm

hey so anybody else hear this?

oh oh! so "not that kindof girl" there is a reference of this in "gun" (Conventional Weapons) yeah, i am listening again now and heard it and looked up the song. :D

"now baby...isn't it crazy" (the latter part being in gun)

*currently listening to living with ghosts* :D

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msunevershouldeverknow's picture
Wednesday September 28, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

I'm feeling very oober frustrated and upset right now! :(
I just want to scream and curse and do all these things that I don't really want to do!
...

so i won't

but I'm ...and by upset, I kindof mean sad and alone-like...and like everything I touch i break. like I'm helpless and hopeless...

bleh.

I'm really not this person, so I hate that I'm having such a day! :(

feeling like i keep saying the wrong things to the wrong people ...but I mean, despite not actually coming to the disaster I imagine in my head and panic about,...well, the silence scares me too. gah! I hate silence!!

phew! ok, that's out. gonna try to take some deep breaths and just...idk.

I guess it's the gloomy weather. It's like either be sunny, or give us a good storm, not this half-assed rain shower.

(haha the song lyric that just went by was "life's a f*#@er" haha Well, I know this not to be true, but some days it does feel like that. haha p.s. the record i'm listening to was recorded at a live concert of the place I went to see Frank almost 1 year ago :D Not FIATC, but the sound IS very similar!)

where was I? Idk. Just taking some breaths. *inhales deeply

Hope you are all having a super day! Keep running! :D

your friend,
Missy

msunevershouldeverknow's picture
Wednesday September 21, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

Ok well gee! We are getting a lot ofposters lately, that's great! But it means I had better tie this up quicklythen. So, if you read my last post, well I mentioned how upset I was about this friend , or "friend" said something hurtful. Now, I am generally pretty thick skinned and easy going, but this was just surprising from her, a friend...on the other hand, it DID get me to think, to FINALLY reevaluate some things, things that I probably should change, whether or not my friends/"friends" mind these things about me or not, well, I have to consider the impression I am giving to the community of people we belong to. I know I have been annoying to others so..

but anyway, well I got justice in this case. She broke a rule by calling me a name. Ok, now between friends, I could have shaken it off and moved on...which is what I was considerig, and because she felt bad and apologized (as i expected she might), but since she did this in public, that is when it became an issue and thatis when she got the "slap on the wrist" because the higher up DID see it, and did she her express remorse. I really admire this person in charge for handling it so fairly on all accounts.

Thing is, I still need a break. So I am being anti social now indefinitely. I mean,, she publically apologized, but she hasn't really come to me privately yet, and plus, just, all those other people stress me out too! They are good people, just too many rules, too many different rules for differet people who yetwantto try to impose their rules on behalf of other members and it's like, "just speak for yourself and tell me whatYOU want! Wanna chat? Great! Wanna be left alone? Tell me! I can't bloody read minds!" (Oh, hehe my non existent British is showing! Thosewho know me, know I am actually American...but I seem to keep meeting all these lovely Brit folks and I am impressionable ;) )

Haha omg that was long! Did I even say everything?! Oh well, I'll make another if I forgot something, but think I'll go back to being more quiet for a bit now. Anti social means less stories to tell. :P

msunevershouldeverknow's picture
Tuesday September 20, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

Just a quick one for now. I just realized that in 3months and 2 days from now (well, give or take a day from months being 30 and 31) well...

IT WILL BE MY ONE YEAR anniversary on this Community! :D

I just love anniversaries and milestones. I DO tend to notice them more often than not, but hey! It's good to sortof be aware of where you've been and to where you've come! It certainly has been a crazy year!...ok, but well, let's not recap yet. I hope to be back Dec. 22 to do this.

Meanwhile...MCRX!!!! Can't wait! :D

msunevershouldeverknow's picture
Tuesday September 20, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

Actually, its closer to 5 now here. Ughhh, what a night!

Well, I will spare the details...and, now of course, I forget what I DID want to say aboutit. Oh! Just to Ibroughtyoumybullets, I guess I sorta feel the same way as you..although replace boyfriend with hubby...and well, I hope it doesn't get to the hubby part...but...but yeah, people are just...well, they are justthe worst sometimes! And the shitty thing is, some are just the absolute best and yet, put the two together and well, the worst people tend to ruin it all! I...idk. who knows, maybe I am the worst! I have been thinking about that too, but...but,..ah idk. It's 4 almost 5AM and I'd better try to sleep. Just fear I may have to cut some people outta my life, including those good ones, because of those worst ones and it sucks and I'll be a lonely sot (haha no, not a drunkard. What is the word I am looking for?!) Hmm, well I will just be lonely again...except for my tried and true MCR communities's friends. It's been said before, by me and by others, but this place truly is one of a kind and special and good!

peace and love!

M

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Wednesday August 31, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

After like 3 months of having minimal appetite, well, my appetite has returned over the last two days ...

AND THERE'S NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE! wahhhhh!!!! :( Yes, the only thing is meat, meat, meat. And, ok, while I am fine with a little meat, I NEED my fruits and veggies too!...(actually, now that I'm writing this, i realize there are a few cans of beans. oops! ...but I mean, I need my GREENs, and like carrots, potatoes...)

and I want grapes! ;)

that is all.

haha just kidding. ok, well, not really. There really isn't much to say, and I guess I still haven't figured out how or what I was trying to say the other day. hmm...idk!

Although, maybe, maybe, I miss the life I had a few months ago...but I am feeling a little bit more sense of calm right now...if still a bit nostalgic...if still a bit lonely...but...but i suppose it's better than being manic??!

(hehe although manic is pretty fun and funNY!...but it isn't really fun coming down from it.)

Maybe this is what I was eluding to...my introspective look at my emotional states over the last few months, with some new uh, stimulus added? Yeah. I ...it's good and it's ...scary? I think I'm kindof an extrovert-ish...but I like don't have the full confidence in it (i mean, i DO stuff, but then I doubt it) um...and also, I don't have the ENERGY to always be extrovert-ish...in fact, I think I fell sick last night, as a result of TOO MUCH extroverting...too much talking (texting) and worrying about stuff. :(

ahh, hmm...I might regret this post now...but...ok, well it isn't really personal. I guess these are pretty common thoughts, right? So...I trust my Rmy soldiers! :) hmm, what else can i say though...

oh! but so like, I feel like I've "gotta be on" and like on all the time...because that's who I've made myself to be, and I can't stop?? but...but i think I might have slowed down...

speaking of slowing down...i gotta run. :(

last thing-
only like 23 days now until the re-release!!! yes, I'm pretty excited! :D

msunevershouldeverknow's picture
Saturday August 27, 2016 
| Posted by: msunevershoulde...

Hey all!

Well, it was really nice to read up on the latest entries. Not that it's nice that you have any troubles, but...well, I've just been on an emotional roller coaster myself as of late, (actually, I've been on a literal roller coaster recently too) and well, it's just comforting to be around others who understand. :)

I AM here because I'm just reaching out. idk i really can't bring myself to form any real thoughts about specifics though.

well, maybe just that age certainly doesn't mean everything. I mean, we still grow, even as adults. Go through hardships, pain...but also joys and meet good people who share in these things...
these things can change us, or can make us stronger in the things that we value and hold dear.

I've just been really doing some self awareness thinking lately, and trying to understand these ups and downs and not only the emotional differences, but the mental and physical one as well. It's quite interesting...
yet, you can also get a bit caught up in it too! ahh! I mean, like hours can pass without you even knowing it...and now that my house guests have left...well, "keeping up appearances" has been a bit of a struggle for me. Like...I know I shouldn't get lazy and get out of habit...

idk. ahhh this is stupid...ok, not stupid just...i feel like I'm wasting more time now so, I'll have to leave it at that.

I always like to leave with some positive note. Not that I'm feeling particularly negative right now, but I just can't seem to find the words either. Just...oh, ok...how about from this song I shared with someone yesterday...

"I see friends shaking hands.
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying,
"I love you". ....and I think to myself, what a wonderful world"

:)