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Had A Bad

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chpeverill-conti's picture
on June 8, 2016 - 5:37pm

Hey guys,
so today started off good. put on a favorite outfit (big boots with chains on them, black ripped tights, little denium skirt I decorated with "rad man" in spray paint, The Used patch and a chicken bone hanging from a string, a MCR tee shirt, purple sweatshirt and spiked dog collar) and my makeup was pretty dark and on point. It was my first day back at school and I was excited to see my friends.
I got to school and everyone said hello to me, which was nice. First block went ok, we just watched a movie. But then I had to eat my morning snack. I was so anxious to get it out of the fridge and so anxious to eat it. I started crying so I ran to my clinician's office. She got my snack for me and from there I was able to eat it with some support. Then I had my next class, the whole class I was so worried about lunch. As soon as it was almost lunch I started to cry again. My teacher, Rebecca, called a clinician for me but no one was available so I went to a private meeting room with Melissa (milieu councilor). She offered to get my lunch for me but I was too overwhelmed and still crying. I couldn't eat any of it.... So I'd have to eat it later at program.
I got to my program right after school. Did weights and vitals. Had snack. There was a lot left over from lunch but I was able to eat cucumbers and some pita bread with hummus. Then we had DBT and CBT group. After that was dinner. I sat down with my parents and the rest of the kid's and their families. They gave me yogurt, carrots and a falafel wrap.I knew the wrap would be hard so I ate the carrots and yogurt first. Then it was onto the wrap... I was freaking the fuck out. Shaking. Went mute. Started crying again. Avi (staff) took me into a separate room so there wouldn't be all the people. He was able to coach me to take 4 bite of falafel but then I was about to have a panic attack so we went on a walk around the building and outside. That helped a bit. He gave me an ice cube to hold (cold is a teqniqe in the DBT skill TIPP) and that calmed me down too. I wasn't shaking too bad at this point. Mom and dad came in and sat with Avi and me. Then they took away the solid food and gave me boost, which is a supplement drink. It's NASTY and so thick. It made me feel full, fat, and nauseous. I honestly thought I was going to be sick cause of it.
So it wasn't my best day but it wasn't my worst. I got to see my friends, my grandparents and aunt are coming tomorrow for my dad's birthday, prom is on Friday, it's TCFSR's birthday and I'm an optimist so I still feel ok.
Love you guys