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ugh drama

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chpeverill-conti's picture
on May 15, 2013 - 10:11pm

Ok, so my life is chaotic right now and I really just need to vent on some incidents that took place today.
I've been dating this boy for about a year now. He will not be named because he is also a killjoy, and I believe he would appreciate to be kept anonymous. Anyways, he's had a very difficult life so far. He's 14, transgendered (biologically female), his mother gave birth to him when she was 14, and he's a foster child. Recently, he's been bouncing between hospitals and group homing programs. Apparently, while he was in a program, he did *stuff* with some boy he met there. And now he's pregnant. He just told me today. I can't say I've been entirely faithful to him either, but that's the thing. It's been an unhealthy relationship pretty much since day one. I have this problem where I carry other's weight and feel responsible for others, forgetting myself in the process. There was a time, not long ago, when I really realized that this wasn't good, I felt dependent. But it was bad, cause I like being me and my own person and being independent. And I felt that with him, I couldn't be independent. Now I want to get out, but my stupid "Others Before Myself" side kicks in. I hate it. How could I leave this poor kid that I've devoted all my attention, love and care to for a year that is now in deep shit, and just walk away? I HATE IT! I hate being insecure, not of how I look, but in thinking that I don't matter and everyone else does. That's been my mindset my whole life. As long as I can remember, I've just been the helper who picks people up again and again and again, and then I fall down myself because I'm EXHAUSTED from fixing everyone else, and I didn't even notice I was weary.
Sorry for the rant, but thanks for reading, and if you could give me some advice, that would be great.
- Z