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Have You Ever...

Cried so much that it hurt and you couldn't stop so you begged yourself to stop crying but it failed. Yep that was me a few minutes ago. i try to be strong but i just broke down. i've been hiding my feelings but i just can't anymore. i've never cried so much in my life. i just lost hope to finding happiness. i know the last few of my blogs were about love and i'm sick of feeling this way and i'm sure you may be sick of hearing me say it but i've never experienced this feeling. i just want to but i'm just not compatible with people i like. i just don't know and it's worse at school because sometimes i want to break down in school but i have to force myself to hold it together so that other people won't see me cry. i don't even know why i'm crying for a boy who i never even dated. we were in that phase before people date where they get to know each other and i was happy just talking with him and stuff. but then he tells me he doesn't want to date and i just can't do this anymore. i wonder if he ever cared at all. or if he still thinks of me. every time i see him i want him to talk to me or hug me but normally we'd just walk by each other. i just want to go back in time and not get involved with boys and stay to myself. i want to go back in time right before i told him i liked him to just stop myself from doing something so stupid. it's just so stupid. i'm just a silly girl. but i'm trying to stay strong an push on. because that's what MCR has taught me. to not care about others and do things that'll make me feel happy. so i'm writing down everything i'm feeling and when i want to cry i write down what's going in my head. i'll use that to create a new song and i'm getting guitar lessons from my music teacher so hopefully i'll be able to put some music to it. this will be my goodbye to my former self, my goodbye to unpleasant feelings, my goodbye to him.