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When the fake smile vanishes

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emogoticgirl's picture
on April 11, 2015 - 9:23am

I just need to write this down somewhere but no one is forced to read because it will probably be boring (just warning).

1...I've always supported my friends when they have had a hard time. Have they ever done the same with me? NEVER. I'm tired of having to wipe their tears every single time and when it's me who is living in hell I find myself alone. Then one day they ask me if I am ok. If I try to explain them they instantly forget and start telling me their "most important problems" (which means that their shirt is too big for them etc) so I decide to shut up and keep it all to myself but obviously I end up exploding . Well, when that happens, they tell me why Ive been keeping it to myself and when I tell them then I become the evil one because they cant accept Im right. Its like REALLY? I know Im selfish and all but they are like much more self focused than me. I do care for the people I love.

2... For some strange reason, people love to blame me when I wasnt even there... WEIRD!!!

3... Idfk how Im going to finish high school without dying... All the teachers are late (what a surpriiiise) and theyre overcharging us with homework (thanks, thats what I really needed) and they want us study more than 10 hours a day (hey, when am i going to sleep?). If we complain they say its hard but that we will thank them (sure, thanks for leaving me awake all night. cant you see my amazing dark circles? so fancy) and that they lived the same as us (so umm... is that revenge?... how is it that youre still there? how did you survive?). And of course they want us awake at every single class after seven f*** hours locked in the school (easy because I had to stay awake all night long finishing the 12 pages composition you told me to do in two days!!!) and tell us there's no pressure (HA!!!).

4... I cant talk to anyone about my feelings because "you're overracting so much" when Im not. Im just not feeling amazingly good and if you ask me Im gonna tell you the way I feel because its you who wanted to know RIGHT?
And apparently I cant trust people.

5... I cant control my feelings and Im acting weird af. Idk why but Im being more sensitive than ever in my life (but only when Im alone).

6... Basically, the idea is that I FEEL LIKE SH*T RIGHT NOW!!!!