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sunday update

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Hey guys
i havent posted in a lil while. stayed with my friends for the weekend. I've been up for three hours but she's still asleep. a lot of my friends are in rough situations now. I want to help, but it's hard cause i'm having such a hard time too. had to call a crisis line again last night. i thought i was sufficating, i was freaking out. i thought i'd never stop wanting bad things and i'd never get bettter and i was panicing so much. mom said i should probably go to the ER but i really didn't want to.... i feel like a bitch and a shitty friend because i'm not in a place to help others. i still like leaving comments on here cause they make me feel like i'm helping a little. my best friend, who i met on this site, is having a really hard time. but she still keeps helping me. i hate it. i want her to tell me that she needs time for herself, and cant talk about my problems. since i cant talk about hers much. i want to be strong like her but i know i'm 'delicate' thats what all my therapists say. im easily hurt and when i get a blow i fall hard. i'm good at getting back up but i keep falling. when my friends have hard times i get so stressed cause i want to make everything ok but cant. i feel selfish and hate who i'm turning into
sorry i didn't think this would go that deep
i love you guys. through everything thats happening i always love you guys
xoxoZ