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Personal Stuff

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lostn'foundagain's picture
on January 12, 2016 - 7:07pm

I decided that I'm going to title my blogs on my personal life "Personal Stuff", and my blogs about poetry will have the title of the poem.
So here's some personal stuff:
This week has not been kind to me. Nor me to it. I just want to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out. I just found out I'm failing Alg 2. My teacher emailed my mum today and mum is P.I.S.S.E.D.... So I didn't get to go to the school basketball game tonight. Not like I had any real interest in the sport, I was mainly wanting to go to see my love play his Bari Sax in orchestra... But oh well, right... Not like it matters anymore, the game is over now... I never get to see him anyways, what's one more time where I don't get to see him. At least I had Bio with him today, and I got to see him smiling/laughing.
Granted the rest of my day was shit. I had some bad flashbacks this morning and haven't been able to focus all day since... I've been on a downswing for some time now. I don't feel like I'm getting better. I thought I was before, but it feels like it's back full force. If that's the case... that's not good. My love knows this, and he's trying to help, but nothing seems to be able to pull me out of myself. Now that I recognize what's happening, I SHOULD be able to stop it, or help myself; but nooooooo. I feel completely useless against the thoughts in my head. They make me feel worthless, like a failure that can't do anything...
Okay, I'm probably getting out of hand here, typing the depressing shit crossing through my head. Sometimes, it just helps me to write out how I feel like this; not in poetry format; not in lyrical; write it how I would say it. As if I am saying it, just not out loud... sorry...
ANYWAYS I hope you all are doing okay. <3