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meet my friend salsa

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Heya folks. The first thing y'all nned to know is that my name is not really salsa. My name is whatever the fuck I want it to be at the moment. Yesterday I was Sparkle Blood Wolfe. Tuesday I was DragonBlood Princess. Today I am hot fucking Salsa, because I am HOT HOT HOT. Tomorrow I'm feeling Blood Gumbo Jamboree. But I am a flexible woman, who knows, I might end up Plasma Gumbo Jamboree, motherfuckers. Second thing you need to know, I am a real mother fucking vampire. Don't mess with me bitches. I will suck you blood out of your beating heart in my hand motherfucker. I am so fucking hardcore, it makes my momma cry. You don't mess with a woman who makes her fucking Momma cry, bitches. I ain't no motherfucking pink preppy princess. The only P I like is in protection. Like what your gonna need if you mess with me. Third thing you need to know, if you're gonna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. I am into some freaky shot, I take it down. I like it up down, all around, everywhere motherfucker. I want to do it with you, I want to do it with your Momma, I want to do it with you and your Momma. If you want us to "connect", you better be "connecting" pretty damn well with my friends. If you fuck up, trust me, they'll tell me. I judge. You better be thicker than a donkeys forelock. Fourth thing, you better bring an umbrella. You don't want to get wet when I make it rain.

- Hot "MOTHERFUCKING" Salsa