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I'm an adult child who may have OCD????

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chpeverill-conti's picture
on January 21, 2018 - 3:09pm

Hi, I haven't been on in a week or something or maybe it's been a couple days, I don't know.

Depression feels a little more manageable, and I really want to get better right now.I have 4 classes going on right now, and I intend on getting at least B's on ALL of them. If I'm in depressed and treatment for the whole semester, that's not going to happen. But my meal plan is being far from completed right now...

I've never wanted to grow up, but now I'm 19. I'm *technically* an adult. But my therapist was bringing up how I behave very immature when I always seek guidance instead of doing things for myself. And I've never really cared about being an "adult child". It's easier. But now I'm thinking... I really want to get an apartment this year or next year if I don't get into any schools that have housing for next year. And I REALLY want to get a job that's either fun retail (like newbury comics, that was a fun place to work) or work for a non profit, or work some really low level entery level job at waside or the crisis call like in framingham, or be a respite worker (but i think i'd need an associates degree for that). But to get a job, I need to get out of IOP first. so now I'm more motivated to accelerate through IOP. however, that isn't going so well so far. food + me = hard. No way around it. even if there's food that looks good to me that I WANT to eat, it's hard. actually, when i want to eat its even harder because i fear that i'll lose control and begin to binge (even though i've never done that before). I just get scared.

and my case manager is megan. I liked megan as a MHC. not as a case manager though. as a case manager, she says "yeah" and "uh-hu" a lot, without saying a lot of content.

it's 6:00 here. I'm tiered, irritable and sad. what's wrong with me, I'm usually very happy and bubbly.

ALso, my therapist wants to get me tested for OCD. That's just what i need, ANOTHER diagnosis. I already have 3! And in family therapy, I was describing something that happened or I did or something and he asked "is that an OCD thing?" and when I told mom that my therapist wants me tested for OCD, she said that I've had OCD symptoms since I was in elementary school (ages 5-10) and that she thought I knew. Does everyone know I have OCD but me! But I wouldn't say I have it, because I haven't been tested. That's one of the rules, you don't have a diagnosis unless you're explicitly told by a doctor. I have a lot of rules for the world and what I can and can't do. I think that might be part of why they think i have OCD. THat, and my obsession with memorizing numbers. Like, in ER 8, in year 2015 at the hosipital, it says np231a27 on the wall. and in 2015, at my first job, my code was 3175802. stuff like that. I also make rules around my self with numbers. how many calories I can eat. how many weigh I can weigh. what time I do things. But I'm not a perfectionist by any means. I love messes. I love chaos. I hate when things are clean. And even though I love listening to numbers, I hate math.

If anyone has OCD please email me chpeverillconti@gmail.com because I just want to know more about it from a real person.

love you all.
xoxoz