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gender thoughts

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chpeverill-conti's picture
on February 16, 2016 - 7:59pm

So I'm genderfluid. My gender changes. all the time. I usually identify as all the genders mixed up and made into the cake and I am that wonderful cake. But right now I identify much more masculine. I am something like a a teen boy who wears nail polish and eyeliner and is a little feminine sometimes. I guess that means my gender is young Andy Biersack right now
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Told one of my superviseres today. I told him I'm trans* and use they pronouns. he said he had thought so but wasn't sure if he should ask. Took it well though, which makes me feel good :)

Ace know (obviously) that I'm genderfluid but I don't really enforce that he uses they/them pronouns. I guess that's because, since we have a sexual relationship, he seems more evidence that I'm biologically female. And I feel like it would be really hard for him because of that. Right now I'm not his girlfriend. He knows me as girlfriend. I call myself his partner. Right now, honestly, I'm his partner or his boyfriend. I'm scared hat would freak him out, since he's really straight. To know that, even just for a few days, he had a boyfriend. I'm sure he wouldn't actually be that weirded out. He know me very well. He tells me things about myself before I tell him. Like, he told me I like people and don't get caught up in what gender I want to date, I just date people. He also understood that I can't be monogamous before I told him that I'd been fooling around with Dylan, he knows It's not because I can;t commit to just one person, but because this is just how I am. He can read me and understands me. But I still worry about this stuff. I know Dylan would be ok. Dylan and I are like... friends with benefits. I do *stuff* with him, but not as much as I do with Ace, since Ace is my main boyfriend. Dylan is pansexual. I've been friends with Dylan since 7th or 8th grade. Dylan is the most accepting person I know. I feel very very safe with Dylan. He listens to me always and checks to make sure I give consent every time we do *stuff*.

My big struggle right now is passing. Passing means being able to go in public and be identified on sight as the gender you are presenting as by strangers. Pretty much means people can tell you're a guy if you are dressing and identify as male. It's hard since I don't really have a defined gender. Some days I do want to present and pass as more 'male' or female' but it's hard cause I'm not just 'male' or 'female', i'm both. I bind and wear pants and converse and try to have more masculine posture but I also like eyeliner and makeup and rings and things that are more 'feminine'. so people get confused. I wish people would just ask me my pronouns. My friend Michaela used to ask me every day what my pronouns were and I liked that cause they DO change every day. I wish everyone did that.

that was an interesting rant. I hope you got something out of it.
night guys. love ya.
xoxoZ