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BlueRoses's picture
on February 22, 2018 - 3:50am

Last night I locked all the doors and turned the lights down low. I turned the heating back on and smoked out my window watching the lights turning on and off in the building behind my house. We still haven't worked out what that building is, the cats like it though. Maybe the roof is warm.

"Oh well if anything really bad happens," has been trying to settle down in the back of my mind lately, I think I've said that before. It keeps coming back when I'm not expecting it to, it takes advantage of that early Thursday morning lethargy that clings to you, keeps you trapped in a smoky haze. The kind of haze where your eyes feel sticky and your body doesn't feel like its entirely yours. I'm a bit too warm. It talks over people now, when I'm trying to listen to them and the things they always only say because they want the best for me. It keeps interrupting them when they try to ask me what I want to do with my life, where I'm going to go after uni. When people say "do yo actually want to go into music? Because thats hard," the voice shrugs its shoulders and says "oh well if anything really bad ever happens," and I just have to smile and shrug my shoulders too, say, "I don't know," as if I haven't really heard either of them.

Anyway, when I get the urge to self destruct, I tend to have a smoke and make something sound as beautiful as I can. So I left the lights down low and hid myself away in my room, and I didn't go to sleep until I'd finished this.