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BlueRoses's picture
on January 7, 2019 - 4:20pm

I missed 11:11, tragic.
C says its his favourite time of day because it makes him think of me.
Usually I make 11:11 wishes for the patients I work with, stupid things like hoping they get a good nights sleep or they have a happy delusion, not a sad one. Sometimes I just wish they'd get some peace.
When I was a teenager I just used to wish I could be thin, or that boys would like me, or that I could be pretty, and I used to set an alarm so I'd never miss 11:11. It was like this weird routine I just couldn't falter on. You know, just in case something happened.

I wish on everything, dandy lion clocks, stars, birthday candles. Literally anything you can make a wish on, I'll make a wish.

I'm not even that superstitious. I just have this childish desire for kismet or some higher power to just provide for me, just once. Its like my version of a god I suppose. I don't pray for things to get better, I just sorta wish for them to.

Anyway, when I was a teenager and I wished to be skinny I already was, and when I wanted to be pretty, I already was, and when I wanted boys to like me they already did, I just lacked the self confidence to realise it. So what I really should have been wishing for was that, a little self esteem.
And last night I caught myself wishing for that again, to be skinny, so maybe tomorrow morning, come 11:11 I'll eat a bowl of fucking cereal and just wish for a less dysmorphic set of eyes.

Idefk anymore.