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((I love what he's doing)) ((but it makes me feel especially guilty)(if that makes sense?))

It was quick
My smile
My real smile
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Again I fall
Again I break
Again I broke it
I broke myself
I don't know how to fix myself
I know only how to hide myself
And that only breaks me more
I know only how to muffle my own screams
And that makes me scream louder
I go back into darkness
I go back into the hole
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I see nothing but the dark
In the hole
In which I've fallen
I feel nothing but the hard
Sharp rocks
At the bottom
I taste nothing but the blood
Of the nearly split flesh
It had been a little while
Since the blood was nearly fresh
I have not yet
Since the last time
But I am close
It is taking all I have

Last night I wasn't tired. And then I sorta.... passed out I suppose. I mean, I was in my bed, but still....
I've been having sleep issues. I mean, it feels like I sleep great, but then I wake up and I'm tired. And that feeling of lethargic slothiness doesn't go away.
You want to know I blame? I blame the fucking sun. Because I have a very thin curtain on the window right beside my bed, and it's there more for decoration. And then I have three windows on my other wall next to my bed, and light peaks in through the massive gap between window and sill. So instead of waking up at 8 or 9 like I want to, I wake up at 5.
...It's times like these that I want to live in Alaska.

-Chemical Insanity

ASDFGHJKL I'm so excited, I can see my babies!! And I'm sorry for coming across as a fangirl there.... honestly I love the music more than their faces and the fact that they're awesome people. And I'm 99% sure I'm gonna bawl my eyes out during Hold On Till May, yet I still haven't told anyone that I am not going in the mosh pit because I've had 3 panic attacks this month, more often than not they happen in a crowded enclosed area where people are moving around which means a fucking most pit is my worst nightmare! I can't even get through a fucking shopping centre without feeling like I'm gonna die! *sigh* I wish it wasn't, anyway I don't want this to come across as a downer because I know that it's gonna be a lot of fun (aside from moshing) it shall be amazing and I can't wait!! Anyone else here like Pierce The Veil?

So it's thundering and lightning outside but no rain I just happend to be awake right now.

Anyways it's 1 week from Memorial Day weekend in the US and I am exstacticly waiting for the weekend so I can go get 4th of July Fireworks. I know most of y'all are from the UK but the 4th of July is like Christmas for me except its in Summer and there's bright colors and loud explosions.

And since my dream job is to sell and set of fireworks in shows what better way than learning how to run a show by setting of consumer fireworks.

Now back to the thunderstorm it's pretty calm now, I watched a little MMA last night then fell asleep but I'm up now.

Weird
I've heard it enough times
For the image to have been bleached and burned repeatedly
And yet I still cannot define it.
I've typed the damned word so many times
That now it's structure looks scribbled
And I can't tell if it's the right word or not

Weird
I am it.
I live and breath it's very essence,
And it's holds me close in branched out arms
It's thorns poking my vulnerable sides.

Weird...
What is it?
Is it coming to the realization
That a raven and a writer's desk
Are so tightly bound?
Is it screaming to the skies in an elfen tongue
Only to realize that you're still awake
And no amount of cursing will bring that dragon to you?
Or perhaps it is the supernatural
Like the coincidence of the barrel being empty
When I tried to fire one through me the night before last
And knew I had filled it up before I started.

Weird
I can't explain it
I just know that I am it
And whatever it may be,
Be it fucking psychotic
Or devoid of feelings,