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Just sent them a message. I don't even know why.
I said:
hey
I said I wouldn't talk to you ever again
But I'm really curious of what your situation is now
Where are you staying? Are you in school?
Z
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We were 2012-13. Why can't I ever fucking move on. And I've been doing so much better this month. Hardly thinking of them. I want to know if they're out of the group home. If they're in a house or a hospital. If anyone is considering adopting them. If they ever think of me. If they know that they're the one in my mind torchering me every. single. day. That I can't be in a relationship with anyone cause I can't forget them. We were 13-14. It's pathetic I can't let go long enough to see just how fucked they left me. I WAS THIRTEEN what type of human can't move past a relationship form when I was 13??? I can't even go into Waltham, the town he used to live in.

Ok, so im not sure which is bothering me more, my english grade, or question of character. Lets start with the more easily fixed of the two. My english grade (Virtual class) is fucking tanking because of hamlet. Its not that i dont understand it, its because i have to take all the test off memory of the play when i read it two years ago. (Sophomore year) and im getting straight sixteens and twenties out of forty. Ive dropped to a fifty six percent in the class because of it. I have an exam on it and after that its done, but i cant find a copy of the book anywhere, and it doesn't have a link with it to read and work with! So im going to hope theres enough left in the course so i can bring it up some to at least pass. (D is for Diploma). The other problem ive had lately is ive always introduced myself as bi, for i find both men and women attractive, But lately ive felt. diffrent.

So after thinking i was working this weekend it turned out i wasn't, so i looked up tickets for the Brighton Tattoo Convention and it was to expensive. But my Fiancee entered a competition for a pair of tickets and she bloody WON!!
I was so excited, so on Saturday we went and saw some amazing artists and incredible tattoos. we live just down the road from where it was so it was great. We saw Dan Smith and Phil Kyle who i have followed, and other artists from a shop called Jayne Doe that i have had work done at, so good! bought some cool earrings and a t shirt.
after that we had afternoon tea (sandwiches, cakes and scones) in a hotel on the sea front, then down to the pier and played some games, popped into a pub and then back home for some food.
It was the best day we have had for ages.
We don't get many days off together, so i was extra special. Love my lady to bits :-)

HEY
I've missed you!! how are you? What's up? and don't just say nothing I haven't heard from you in a while and need an update!!
xoxo
- Z

My guitar playing is generally below average, but I have been getting a lot better and can actually play some stuff. "Some stuff" is code for "Shut Me Up" by MSI and the intro/chorus of "The Sharpest Lives" by MCR. I'm pretty pleased with my progress and am in talks to be getting lessons.

The really good news about it is that I'm in the process of writing a song! I have some tabs written for second guitar (my own) and part of a first guitar part. Some bass tabs are also written, but only for the first part, not nearly as much as the second guitar. The one thing I have absolutely NO idea how to write is drums, nor do I have a set to even fiddle around with. My sister is the main (and superior) lyricist, so she will most likely go through her little book and match things up...or, maybe she'll write some new stuff. Right now I refer to it as "Untitled #1". "Untitled ##" is, in my head, a decent working reference/title to any work that at the time has no name.

met a girl four days ago
everything is fine... nothn too crazy
see her today
she wears flower crown with her blonde and pink hair. red lipstick
suddenly, i wanna kiss her and cuddle her.

ive been working against being gay for the longest.

i hold down the feeling of wanting her kiss for about 6 hours

then i work up the nerve and ask her

she says i can kiss her

i nod and then later decide i might be too shy

she has to go to her job in a hurry

she says bye.. and gives me a kiss

her lipstick got on me. i turned red.

i panicked....

and.... i'm scared.

I'M A CATHOLIC... AND... IVE BEEN FIGHTING AGAINST THIS URGE... AND IM SCARED! I'M SO SCARED!

SOMETIMES I WISH THEY COULD BEAT THESE FEELINGS OUT OF ME

My mom has informed me that she dreamed about Gerard last night. Gerard was in my neighbor's garage, looking for the building where his interview was. He then came to my house and was lying on my bed, chilling out. I wasn't home for some reason, so my mom was taking all these pictures for me. She also told me that Gee had Danger Days in this dream.
Good job mom. Dreaming of Gee the same night we saw Frank :)
xoxo
- Z