Community

Yeah...I'd like some more friends on here...so yeah.

Feel free to message me if you want.

I'll try to not be too awkward.

its amazing how one can think such a little thing... a little deed that can stay visible for your whole life can save you... but really in the end it just destroys you.. but in the midst of doing it you dont care if it destroys you, or ruins your life. in the moment its all you want and you think its the only thing in this world that can help you and that can understand you.

tell me if you know what im talking about...
and yes :/ im resisting to relapse again.. but i think i might be alright.

I posted a blog last night/early this morning about the guy stood looking in through my window, and firstly thanks for your comments they really helped me stay distracted :)
However, i didn't sleep last night and so when my dad made me go to my art class i couldn't stay and ended up leaving after 30 mins ( i locked myself in the college bathroom for 15 minutes though) but no one could pick me up so i had to walk for nearly 2 miles to my nan's house all the while panicking so i was sick a few times so my feet are killing, i'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I know i shouldn't let last night get to me it was probably a drunk guy but now my anxiety is hitting an all time high and i dont even know when my next CAMHS appointment is :(
Anyway thanks to the guys who gave me advice, much appreciated.

So college has kind of finished. I think. Well it has. I've done all my assignments and so far I've achieved all the pass criteria so that's good. I feel kind of proud because I've had 2 breakdowns this year and missed so much and had so much work just piled on me at once and the stress I've had to deal with is immense. I slept for about 4 hours a night for 5 days to try and get all the assignments done and I thought I was going slightly crazy. But yeah I've had to do all this while other people in my class are on a 'drop down course' (6 units instead 9 a year) and haven't managed to do everything... So that's why I'm proud of myself.
Well done if you read that. Have a gold star cookie. I don't know if they are real but THEY SHOULD BE.
Red Thunder is an energy drink from Aldi and it is 79p for a litre and it is AWESOME! Cheap energy drinks are great.
Ugly Love. They're a band. They're a great band. You should check them out.

Chapter 17: Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

I was getting utterly sick of this shit! It was no longer funny. Hell, it wasn't funny to begin with! How Frank and Mikey could go an entire month! Yes an entire month! Of giving me the cold shoulder, stink eyes, and just pure hatred was fucking me over. I knew that what I had done (whatever the fuck it was) wasn't that bad. Yeah I could get all sass and snaps, but that didn't mean they could bitch and be jerky assholes about it! So what!?! They know i'm sassy! It's just in my nature. And their undying love for me has only gotten worser by the day. Have I mention that its been 31 days? Prom was excatly in one week, adn I was determind to get my bro and friend back.

So, yeah. Today's not the best.
I went to the doctor today as a follow up appointment for a check up I had three months ago to see what this large spot on my head was. They said it was probably just a large mole, but that we should come back in three months to check up on it.
We went back today, and the doctor took one look at it, turned to my mom, and said "I think it's gotten bigger." So they measured it again, and yes, it got bigger.
That immediately shifted the entire appointment for options for how to remove the mole because apparently, it has, now that we know how to treat it, an extremely high risk of turning into a melanoma. Or in other words, become cancerous.
So I'm getting a biopsy done. And I'm scared to HELL. The biopsy is to a) double check to make sure its not already cancerous, though my doctors almost positive it's not, and b) to remove the mole.

I wish i wasnt lonely, i wish i wasnt trapped. I wish i could make you happy, just imagine that. But even if i wish for all these things, theres one i want the most. For you to stay and love me, and just hold me close.

THE END