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tiered blog

trying to study for spanish. new semester starts on tuesday. im falling asleep. it s so cold outside. been listening to a lot of ell fitzgerald and louie armstrong. im going to leave the library soon. cant study wen im this theird, maybe ill go to DD or something.
i miss a lot of things.
hung out with autn to day that was good. i got a sewing patern to make a nice set of painties and a little camisole. should be cute i like the fabric i chose.,
how ar eyou gus? the site had been quiet. im alsways scared it will get so quiet that theyll shut it down and that mnakes ma worried.
i applied top

he keeps coming back fuck me

I made an OkCupid because im lonely and want to try dating again.
I was scrolling through matches...
And fucking ACE was there.
I can't stop staring at his profile.
and the picture of him in his room,
that's the room where it happened
thats the room where i felt violated
i felt alone
i felt helpless
he made me feel like that a lot
like he didnt care about me or about how i felt. how vulnerable i felt with him
i dont want revenge
i just want closure
or for it never to have happened

havent been here in 4 evah

hey buckos
whats up
things are ok here in MA. been hospitalized twice in the past month but im ok-ish. withdrew from ssu as well. now im at massbay. taking a night spanish class for the winter intersession. next semester ill be taking many more classes! four i think...
im meant to be studying rn but cant focus.
happy 2019 everyone, the apocalypse isn't here like in DD... but we can bring it on haha!
anyways, hope yall are having a wonderful day.

happy brithday to frankie and my virginity!

i always remember when i lost my virginity
because it was 6 years ago
on frank's birthday
to a girl dressed like black parade gerard way
i am not shitting you
lost my virginity to gerard way... kinda... haha
on frankie's 31st birthday
also, if you do the math,
i had just turned 14
its ok
i could've been younger haha
do not recommend though lol
but that's my story!
i love frank
i also still get triggered by anything that reminds me of
the gerard way girl from 6 years ago
and makes me dissociate or cry
but we still talk lol
thats ok

lotsa hw

i still have 200 pages of my book for enl 110 and i am dreading it! its due on tuesday with assignments to go along with it... my professor gives so much homework and i am so tiered.


I decided I'm going to work on my skateboarding
I tried skateboarding when I was 15 (5 years ago). But I got discouraged because i was slow and it's kinda hard to figure out how to actually move on it.
But now I walk a lot, when im going to class or the library specifically. So i figured it would be a good opportunity to get plenty of practice in!
I have a shitty walmart cruiser here on campus but I'm going home to pick up my nice deck.
The only problem is it's hard to learn when you feel like everyone is watching you! I fell of my board yesterday and that was embarrassing.

i really like diet cig

my cold is getting better
talking to killjoysneverdie now. We've been friends for years <3
im still sick but getting better
i cant find the punk scene here in salem
i heard its not great
theres no boston hassle like their is near me
ive been getting emails to help with the boston hassle's flyer hangs
i really want to
but my car is in the shop
and it's about a 30 min drive
i just need more social things
i really like the band diet cig

4 am blog

my roommate has a cold
so now i have a cold
doing much better eating wise
feeling motivated
it's 4:20 AM
can't sleep
maybe i'll just do some homework

the modern lovers

I just started listening to The Modern Lovers. I strongly recommend, especially their hit, Roadrunner! They're a classic punk/rock band from the 1970-80's.
I'm thinking of making a blog just to recommend bands.
I went home for a few days and I'm doing much better now.
Hope you all are well.

sorry for the eating disorder spam but i need to get this out

i am so depressed all the motherfucking time.
i got really upset last night b/c i wanted to use a behavior i've never used before. i really wanted to. i didnt but it was so hard.
it's 4 am. i woke up because i had a dream that i used the behavior and was sent to the impatient hospital. it was really scary. i just kept doing it over and over again and im so scared ill do it in real life.
sorry to keep talking about this but posting these blogs is really therapeutic.