Zankoku_sinner's blog

Man, Friday the 13th, and NOTHING happened. >_> You'd think I could at least have gotten hit by a police car and sued the city, but noooooo...

Other than that, I'm a bit bored. I turned 20 today, but I'm having a hard time giving a damn. Maybe if Linkin Park, MCR, Gackt, Exist Trace, Miyavi, and Simple Plan were all on tour today at Madison Square Garden and I had tickets, I'd be more energetic, but none of that is true. It's just a day.

Least I don't feel like crap anymore. I think it's my clothes... I wore a loose t-shirt and jeans instead of a tank top or babydoll, and I feel more comfortable now. I gotta get Mom to buy me more t-shirts. (Don't laugh, recall I'm broke and jobless and still live with her. >_>) Maybe I can make my cousins feel guilty enough for missing my b-day that I can get them to buy me an MCR tee. XD Maybe even an "I don't support anything" bracelet. Hell, if I play my cards right, I might even get a pair of 5A's out of the whole thing. >:)

Just when I'd stopped angsting about my past, it all comes back out again.

I was talking to my mom about something, and she had brought up one of my teachers. She asked why I didn't confide in her in high school, as we seemed really close. (Yeah, mom's nice sometimes, but it's hard to remember when she's complaining.) I told her that it was because I didn't want to be sent to a mental institution, or be chided for whining, because adults tend to dismiss teenage problems as "just a phase." Them Mom said I should have spoken to somebody, because then I might have felt better about myself, and that she didn't think anyone would send me away.

It was about that point when all my old memories came back. The loneliness, the insults, the revenge fantasies... now I'm depressed all over again.

Thank goodness I have MCR to zone out to...

"Once it's been dealt with you feel like you've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be..."

I think I know know what Mike meant when he said that.

Over the course of the past couple of weeks, I've been slowly starting to see my depression receding. I still have bouts of it, but usually either early in the morning or late at night is when it's strongest. I now rarely spend whole days thinking about how fruitless it is to live.

I just created a new email account, and I feel it needs christening. Would you be willing to help me do this? Please? Promise I'll write back. =) Me needs email buddies on the new account!

The new account is as follows: zankokusinner@gmail.com

Happy 6th Soberversary to Gerard Way. In honor of your accomplishment, and in rememberance of your hardships, I hereby vow to never, ever let a drop of alcohol touch my lips. No matter what.

So I've been drumming for almost a month now. And I've decided... I want to work with a band. Not to play in it yet, but just to work for them, like an internship. I want to see how the music industry works. I want to be a part of all that.

But at the same time, I need a paying job, so I can support myself. (Not to mention I need to buy a kit. And some MCR merch.) I am having a great amount of trouble doing this.

Anybody have an idea of how I can do both at the same time? Thanks!

So I've just sent out my third tweet. Now Frank, Ray, and the official account have my letter. Sending it made me feel a bit angsty, but in a syrupy way... so I'm kind of in a crapsaccharine mood. XD You can skip reading all this crap if you want to, I won't mind. Especially since it ended up being hella long. :) I just felt like pouring some stuff out of me.

I've been thinking a lot about my past lately. How I wish I'd listened to myself, to MCR, sooner than I did.

I would like to now take this time to thank everyone who joined my little poject and sighed the letter! I just know the guys are gonna love it. I've already tweeted it to Ray and Frank, and the trinity will be complete with the official account! ^_^ And yes, if they don't get it this time, I'm gonna keep tweeting them till they know how much we love them! |:)

We're almost there on our letter... just two more people and I can tweet this thing. Let's show the boys some lovin'! Just sign on the dotted line! ^_^ And don't shy away if we hit our minimum... anyone and everyone can sign this thing! ^.^

http://tinyurl.com/fromthermy

... so I have to make it count! How will I do that, you ask? By reminding everyone to take a look at the letter for My Chemical Romance! ^_^ We've got just nine more signatures to go, and then we can wrap this thing up! ^.^ Just write your name in the comments box to show your love for the boys! A small note may also be added if you want.

http://tinyurl.com/fromthermy

Now if that tinyurl failed to work for some reason, the post can be found a few entries down in my blog, I believe the fourth down.