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Somebody help...

I'm supposed to be at my mom's house for the day. I really don't want to start crying, because I won't be able to stop, and then she'll find me and ask what's wrong, and I don't want to upset her.
She just started talking about all this stuff going on in her life, like how her husband doesn't want me around my eight-month-old sister, but she doesn't think that's right because I'm her daughter, and how her decision not to keep me away is driving them apart... She thinks he wants out, because of me being at the house. But if I had known... I would have stayed away.
This happened three

I just want the world to leave me alone...

I've been extremely withdrawn lately. I don't know why, I just don't want to deal with anyone these days; I only leave my room if I have to. Barely eating, and if I do eat, it's half-warm oatmeal. I guess I'm just tired of having people I love hurt me just to win some stupid, self-initiated game with the objective of wiping the smile off my face. I'm tired of being second-best, you know? I'm tired of having people put me "on the back burner" - am I just invisible to everyone, do I just not matter, am I just a joke now? What did I do to earn that?

Is it weird..?

I've had this dream ever since I can remember, of going on a road trip (preferably with a couple people that like long car rides and don't have problems with motion sickness), and finding a bunch of abandoned theme parks.
I just think it'd be so cool, trying to picture the day the music stopped, the fun ended, the rides halted and the gate closed up for good - that day the park fell into the brooding silence, deep and desolate, yet fraught with echoes and afterimages of former joy.
I see pictures of trees and forests growing out of Ferris wheels and roller coasters; of forgotten fiberglass

This is a lot of work for a bandana and some Zone 6 buttons...

I wanna buy a bandana from the Merch site, and some Zone6 buttons. I've been trying to set up an account for about 3 hours. I got the account set up, but now it isn't letting me log in. I know I'm getting the password/email right, it just takes me back to the store homepage - if it gets that far. Someone help me? ;/

Not now... I don't want to be like this on Christmas Eve.. :/

I feel like I've just been stuck in a heavy, thick gray fog for days with just no feeling at all. I always get like this when I'm supposed to be upset, I guess it's just my way of blocking it out. But it just makes me so tired; like it's physically weighing me down, and it's like I'm not even here in the world - there's just something else in my skin... I don't want to be like this when everyone else is so happy. Not today..


Have any of you ever been in that gray area where you should be upset, but you're just absorbing it instead and not feeling anything?

It's just boy/best friend trouble. I told him a while ago that I was in love with him. He said he liked me back, but he didn't want a relationship yet. For a long time, I was hanging on that 'maybe'. Before I left he kissed me, and a couple nights ago, he told me he was gay.

I mean, it's not his fault. Normally I'd talk to him about these things, but I can't with this one
I was hanging on that hope; it was the thread that kept me going some days, and then I

Just a thought (I've blogged twice tonight already, so I'll make this one short)

I was thinking, since the MCRmy is awesome and thoughtful and creative like that, if anyone wants to mail sympathy cards or letters of support and solidarity to the school, the school address appears to be:

Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson Drive
Sandy Hook, CT 06482.

Please copy/paste/share/reblog/post/etc. anywhere you prefer. Sending a card is something small but at least it's something we can do. A friend of mine came up with the idea; I personally think it's wonderful.


I'm not a mom, I'm not a parent, I was not affected by such a tragedy, I did not lose someone important, but yet I wonder, what is our world coming to? What could someone get out of looking children in the eyes, knowing they'll never see their parents again? And what upsets me more, is the amount of people who will rush to hug their guns rather than their kids... I can't honestly believe it. I'm sick to my stomach.

Ripping my hair out.. I love you too, Mom.

I went to see my mom on Friday, and seeing that she's religious, every once in a while, something extremely insensitive slips out of her mouth. Most time I can let it go, and it doesn't affect me much... Anyway, she was saying something to me about one of her friends "Oh, I have a girlfriend downtown, blah blah blah- " And then my sister cut her off (she's 9 years old by the way), and says "YOU'RE GAY?!"
And then when she thought I wasn't listening, I heard her mutter under her breath,
"Thank God I'm not."

ONE - Not only does it piss me off to no end that my sister is nine years old and

Smile, dammit!

“People order each other to smile because they feel uncomfortable around people who are not smiling, especially when those people are women (or are read as such). Women are expected to be nice and sweet, to make other people feel comfortable.