X_XAriiAX_X's blog

this is going to suck. . . why? because i broke my toe last week and i have ballet on wensday D: *sigh* well imma just gonna have to bite the dust and deal with it. i have a performance in june and i have to pratice and learn the steps....... oh god why me?

okk so my stepdad sayed something last night that really hurt me. now he wasnt tlking about me...... he was talking about my brother.

he said " i hate johnathon, i hate the way he dresses, i hate the way he talks about everything, i hate that he thinks he knows everything about music, i hate how he is going into the navy expecting everything is going to be great. i just hate him"

so i havnt been on im what seems like a long time but really isnt. im in homeschooling so i never get to use the computer. lol so i went to the beach with my friends... not really mcr related but whatever. there like my best friends... we have eachothers back, soo imma go now cuz. . . i dont really have much more to say...... oh wait i dont have an ipad anymore D: i had to give it bck to the school. welllll bye bye :)

Hey killjoys, what's up with all the early Gerard happy birthdays? It's not untill April. Which is three months away. Lol I don't want to sound all bitchy. But I was just wondering what the rush was. He's gonna be 35, and imma be 15! It's so weird that he's exactly twenty years older than me. Lol HAPPY EARY BIRTHDAY TO ALL APRIL BABY!!!

 OH NO!!!! My brother sighing his navy contract today D: I'm soo upset. I want to cry. This means that he is going to leave me VARY soon....I - I can't take this!! Who is gonna be that person that tells me that perfection isn't everything.... Oh god I feel so heart broken rite now. We've been getting really close to each other. He helped me find who I am. I can't go on knowing tht he's not going to be home aiding if I wanna come over for the weekend. I can't even tlk about him anymore with out tearing up. I asked my mom to pick me up early from school because I saw that he was leaving me. This is why I don't get close to family.... Because they always end up falling away

This is a sad poem... But I would like to know if it is any good. If you don't read it that's okk. I don't want to hurt your mood

She told me to keep calm and not say a word, for the bad guy is comming and you will get hurt. Scard of not knowing, scared of what was comming, I held my mom close, I didn't say a word. Untill I herd crying, my mom held me and sayed he'll never take me. Soon I realized the crying came from above, not from just one voice but many. The sharp realization, that the crys came from family, memories swepted over me. First of peace and my worlds grace, and then there was blood all over moms face. I looked at my mom, she was cut from the neck down, I took my hand, and felt dried blood on an open wound, she looked at me and sayed I'll always protect you. Dirt hit the box I was in, sending me into forever silence, with a fate I couldn't escape.

This isn't my usuall,blog, but I'm so sick and tired of shit that I need to vent. And people over the Internet can't do a dam thing to help but give words of advise. I have voices in my head telling me to end it all, I have everything I need in front of me. But someone else is saying why end your suffering by hurting yourself? Kill the sorce instead. UGHHHHHHH I canT TAKE. This. ANYMORE! I'm ready to fucking snap! My life rite now is a fucking lie, every fucking thing is falling around me, my mom asked if I was ok, I wanted to yell and scream -no! Dose it look like I'm fucking ok?!?!- but I didn't, I kept my mouth shut and sayd no I'm fine. Why can't I just tell her?! It not her fault, it's his! HE IS RUINING EVERYTHING!!! Not only that but I love my brother, and his dad is pretty cool, BUT REALLY IM FUCKING 14!! I don't give a shit that your drunk and u think I'm cute! Oh and its not only him, it my FUCKING UNCLE TOO!! He like to get drunk and get way to fucking friendly. Really?!

Soo I'm English class rite nowMand my teacher is a big jerk. No one is doing there work. They r either on Facebook, YouTube. -I'm making a blog- I so wanna ditch but I'm to close watched. And my school is so small it would be to hard...... What if I jumped the fierce when a train is comming and let it me hit me? No.. I can't die yet. I have to see mcr first. But after. Uhhhhhhh! Almost lunch, I can hardly wait. Hey I'm open to talk to anybody. So message me??
Well talk to u later killjoys :D

I was talking to my friend and told her about mcr stuff..... She looked clueless. So this is what happened and I think everybody can relate to this.
Me- Ohhh so I was drawing this picture and it has things resembling mcr
Her- mcr??
Me- yeah you know my chemical romance...
Her- oh I don't know them
Me- :O O_O (face expression)
Her- :/ sorry
Me- :O O.O it feels like the world is ending....
Her- oh well. .
Me- my room now! Imma show u some mcr!!!! >:O)

Hey all killjoy, he is just some randome things I wanted to post about.
1) I'm going over to my brothers home for the weekend. Sooo this means I get to go out in madera ca, for some playing on the train tracks, stake dinner, skating in shity roads. And maybe SNOWBOARDING!!!
2) I'm drawing this picture with things from mcr. It's hard for me to explain so I'll take a picture and post it later. I really messed up because I had a really good idea after I colored some of it.
3) I really wanna run away from here. I hate my stepdad and I can't take him much longer. I asked my friend if she would go with me and she said she would because she's tired of shit too. I know where to go, and have everything planned out.
4) why the hell dose my hands smell like beer??!! Really?! I just took a shower, I swear I didn't drink at all today.