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What am I doing? and thanks!

I've just been looking over my older blogs and I mean, what am I doing?
I'm 13 and I'm already getting stressed and jealous about a guy, not even a guy , a boy!
I know I'm probably going to go back into that state of mind where I want everyone to die cos I didn't get the fella I wanted, but right now I feel amazing and nothing (bar my friends situation) is stressing me out! :)

And thanks to everyone who helped me in my friends situation because I was getting very stressed and worried about what would happen! So thank you all so much! :')

-xDontYouDarex

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Whats wrong with my mind?!

I can't believe my head is creating these thoughts! I love my friends so much and I never would want to argue with them about anything!
Firstly- My head says all my friends will leave me , as if our friendship were a joke.
Secondly- My mind tells me I'm going to get into a full on screaming fight with my best friend!

I can't do this anymore! I've always thought to myself what things might turn out like for me but never in a negative way before. I always got upset if I had positive thoughts too because I just kept telling myself it would never happen! Yet I'd still carry on, dreaming away in my own sea of emotion, and praying to Our lady of Sorrows.

Please help me!

-xDontYouDarex

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Gone.

I just had an overwhelming thought that all my friends will leave me for some reason.
They'll wake up one morning and never want to talk to me ever again.
What's wrong with my mind?
I'm fighting the thoughts with some barely helping messages my friends have sent me but now that I've thought about it , my friends always slag me and not in a good way.
My best friend or so I thought, called me a prick and said I was annoying a couple days ago....

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Unpopular.

All my life , I've always been the unpopular one, the weirdo, the freak. Only my fellow freaks wanted to hang out with me, and I loved them.
But every time I made friends with a popular, it always ended in them ditching me for the rest of the populars...someway or somehow...
I'd then shrivel up for a while, wallowing in my own sadness, but then move on and immediately hate the person. I'd only ever stick with MY group, until this year...
This year is First year in secondary and I've made a bunch of friends , yet, I still don't mix well with the populars or at least I feel that way. It's just awkward!
This year I've met one of the most amazing people in my life! I can't believe it! She's my bestfriend and I love her but... Whenever I'm hanging out with her, a big group of people come up to her and completely block me out. I hate the way that she's popular. And I'm afraid that it's going to end up like the rest.

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Shittin' it!

Ok, here we are. In the attic. Two of the girls have gone downstairs because they were sick of us being loud an they needed sleep and we're all tucked up on the air mattress.
Laughing and stuff , and then we hear a ton of creepy noises.....
The window is open and there's a weird tapping.....
So we're fighting over who's gonna go over and close the window.
Eventually I get up an my heart is beating so fast , you would've sworn it was gonna win the Olymics!
Then we realise that the bathroom window is open too...
The door then opens and we scream our heads off but it's Roisin telling us to be quiet.
A few hours later , another one falls and wants to sleep so we lead her downstairs , using our iPods as torches and we get the fright of our lives because of the decorations! Ghosts and skeletons everywhere!

Creepiest night of our lives!!!

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Life is good! ...kinda....

I'm in my besties house for a sleepover.
I really don't get why they call them sleepovers when no-one sleeps?
Well, almost everyone. There's always that one person who's telling everyone to be quiet and go to sleep.
Yeah , that's Definately not me. I promise.
I probably make the most noise. Woops! ;)
I could actually win an award for eating the loudest!
In the room, our light source is our iPods , lighting the whole room!
I was talking to Niamh by text because she wasn't there and
1. I put the sickest images in her head! ;) and
2. My other best friend was getting a bit jealous , I think, because she was saying ''Oh , I could guess who you're talking to!'' and things like that but it's really annoying sometimes, she couldnt expect me to go to a completely new school and not make new friends.
I dunno.... Stressfulness!!! :)

-xDontYouDarex

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I'm Not Ok , I Promise!

I really amn't , my bestfriend has just gotten with the guy I love.
He's a player. I hate him but I love him.
I wanna die.
I want him to die.
No I don't, no-one deserves to.
It's not his fault he doesn't like me , and it's not my fault I'm not I'm not them.
Love is retarded.
It's awkward and fucked up and dramatic and it only depresses everyone.

I'm in my room , music blaring.
MCR and All Time Low.
Cheers. Really.
Stupid love.

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It's complicated

Dont tell me it'll be okay , because I know you love him.
I guess it's just the price I pay .
I brought this on myself.
He's a player ,a dirty rotten son-of-a-bitch.
What you doing to her? She's my bestfriend.
Does she have my permission!

Go ahead, do it. Let my self-esteem shrivel up inside of me
, as you make yourself a relationship with a guy you don't love... While I do.....

I brought this on myself.
And now I'm sharing it with you.
You probably think I'm just a sad little girl getting all hissy because she doesn't have her prince charming.
It's much more complicated than that.
Much much more.... -.-

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Posh?

Don't you hate when people call you something you're not? Not exactly bullying but its your bestfriends slagging you on one thing. Sure , I may give in to laughter eventually but I swear,

I AM NOT POSH!

Okay , I may use some long words that people our age aren't familiar with or that they don't understand? And I may have a big house and stuff? But that doesn't mean I'm posh, does it?
Like , I just have a more sophisticated vocabulary than they do?
Examples being 'clarify'' and ''composure''.
I said ''Just to clarify, I'm not dressing up for the disco'' and I said to my friend , Ro, when she burst out laughing when she was trying to pretend to be someone else on the phone ''You really can't keep your composure''
What's so posh about that?
I don't go around in dainty little dresses holding my pinky high as I drink imported Indonesian tea?
That was completely improvised , I am not speaking from experience here , I don't even like tea. Im more of a hot chocolate person!

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hey...

Here , finally. Hey.
Heard by my best friend that you can rant here? :)
Finally! A place where people won't judge me or my emotions. (Hopefully)
Thank you , AngelFire!