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Wow

Okay, so for the past year or two I really hadn't been into any hobbies. I stuck myself on the internet morning till night because is helped distract me from problems, and made me feel numb... I was really depressed and watching stupid videos all day kinda helped, i guess.
But anyway, I hadn't been into any of my hobbies AT ALL. I use to love art and photography, but they just didn't seem to matter anymore. But last night, I did something amazing. I actually picked up my camera (shoved in the back of my closet! XP) and took some pictures. I pulled out all my art supplies and started drawing again.
This is kinda big for me.
I'm actually excited about stuff again. It's been so fucking long since I last felt this way. Maybe this is good? I'm not as depressed as i usually am.
I haven't ... insert taboo topic here... in about a week and a half. Wounds are healing. I'm glad :)

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Life, Complicated

One of my friends has always tried to set me up with this douchbag I know. He's a complete jerk, and honestly abuses me. One of the worst people I know. She says we are 'perfect for each other' or something like that. (she doesn't know how much of a jerk he can be) So I asked one of my best guy friends to be my fake boyfriend to get her to stop. And i unintelligibly did this over text.
So he ended up confessing his feelings for me, and how he actually wants to date me.
I only think of him as a friend.
But to make maters worse, we had an entire text conversation where I was pretending to be into him, and he was 'acting' as my boyfriend when he thought we actually got together and it was all real. It wasn't on my side.
So i pretty much ruined our friendship.
And broke my best friend's heart.
Advice on how to make this better? Because it sucks dick right now.

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Why Not?

[] smoked
[X] consumed alcohol
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[X] kissed someone of the same sex (Is it strange that I've only kissed members of my sex while I myself am straight? )
[] had sex
[X] had someone in your room other than family
[X] watched porn
[] bought porn
[] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 6
[X] taken painkillers
[] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[X] lied to your parents
[X] lied to a friend
[X] snuck out of the house
[X] done something illegal
[X] felt hurt
[X] hurt someone
[X] wished someone to die
[] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 14
[] missed curfew
[] stayed out all night
[X] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[] dyed your hair (want to!)
[] been in an accident
[] been to a club
[] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 15
[X] been to a wild party
[] been to a Mardi Gras parade

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Why Not?

[] smoked
[X] consumed alcohol
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[X] kissed someone of the same sex (Is it strange that I've only kissed members of my sex while I myself am straight? )
[] had sex
[X] had someone in your room other than family
[X] watched porn
[] bought porn
[] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 6
[X] taken painkillers
[] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[X] lied to your parents
[X] lied to a friend
[X] snuck out of the house
[X] done something illegal
[X] felt hurt
[X] hurt someone
[X] wished someone to die
[] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 14
[] missed curfew
[] stayed out all night
[X] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[] dyed your hair (want to!)
[] been in an accident
[] been to a club
[] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 15
[X] been to a wild party
[] been to a Mardi Gras parade

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Bleh.

I have literally been stuck home sick ALL WEEK. This is the third time i've been sick in two months. It seems every other week i'm coming down with a cold, the flue, or some other strange illness. What makes it worse is finals are next week, so I miss all the review sessions and get none of the study guides.
So here I am, sitting next to the toilet blogging about my nonexistent life.
Also, my mother's not letting me go out with my friends friday.I understand, since i'm sick, but i've literally been trying to get out of this house for months and she hasn't let me. Whatever, back to cough syrup and my ipod.

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Bleh.

I have literally been stuck home sick ALL WEEK. This is the third time i've been sick in two months. It seems every other week i'm coming down with a cold, the flue, or some other strange illness. What makes it worse is finals are next week, so I miss all the review sessions and get none of the study guides.
So here I am, sitting next to the toilet blogging about my nonexistent life.
Also, my mother's not letting me go out with my friends friday.I understand, since i'm sick, but i've literally been trying to get out of this house for months and she hasn't let me. Whatever, back to cough syrup and my ipod.

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LaLaLa

I'm actually pretty happy today, which is kinda a rare thing. It might just be that I'm high on cold meds, cuz I'm getting sick AGAIN. XD
I got a haircut, which I haven't gotten for almost a year and a half now... It always seems to make life a little cheerier, maybe it's just less weight on my head. The gay... philipenian? Philipeno? Whatever. My gay hair dresser from the Philippines, who is fabulous btw, did a great job. I actually let him curl it, and I never curl my hair. It's naturally bone straight, plus i have horrible memories of standing in front of a mirror for hours while my mom attempted to curl it, using anything from sleeping in curlers to curling irons. So i kinda don't know what it looks like straight... oh well!

My dad's on a business trip for the next week, which won't make a difference because he is never around anyway.

I'm going out with friends next friday, which is really rare. It's been over two months.

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Cookies!

I had a few really bad days last week. Bad being an understatement.
But, being the resilient person I am, I lived. I am still alive, with a little help from my favorite band ;)

Life got better. So here I am, sitting at my computer eating cookies, thanking all you guys who supported me and helped me keep on living.

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

If today's the day I die

I thought today would be fine.
But it's not.

If i end up broken, crying on the floor, does anybody notice? If i covered in blood, does anybody care?

No.

I can't handle the abuse from my mother, friends, and peers anymore. I. just. can't.
Is there anything to take this pain away? Can no one hear me screaming?

WordsHaveNoPower's picture

Today...

Today has been pretty shitty so far. sigh. Isn't there any way to escape this box I'm trapped in? I'm not a stress toy, so don't take it out on me! I have my own problems, I don't need yours too. Stop yelling at me for things I didn't do. It was your fault, and you should learn to deal with it, rather than taking it out on your family.

There was this drug/alcohol presentation at school, about people who have reformed or whatever. I doubt half the people in the auditorium were listening. Everyone there had such horrible pasts, it makes me feel so depressed that everyday I come home and am depressed with my life and situation when I could be living on the streets. It makes me feel like an ungrateful brat, wich just makes me feel worse and worse.