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My Chemical Love Affair...

So this is probably the last blog I'm gonna post on here. But I'm still gonna be a member of the MCRmy forever! I just wanted to write down my feelings about MCR splitting up, about my love for them and everything... I'm guessing it is pretty much what everyone feels, but I wanted share this with you.

My first love wasn’t for just one boy; no it was for five very handsome boys who spoke directly to me. Or at least it felt that way.

Owh my gaawd (yeah, I wanted to write that!)

My coffee essence aka. the thing you make coffee from is all gone. What the heck am I going to do now?! Gotta get to school without coffee :o

My day.

Drinking way too much coffee, having MCR blasting on the stereo way in too high volyme and studying for my first exam at uni. Today is a good day!

On the egde of a breakdown

My grandpa is not only having Parkinsons disease, now his heart is on it's way to give up... I can't even figure out to do with myself. I don't want him to die but I don't want him to suffer! Grandpa I love you so much!

Hey, help needed!

So yeah, I'm in my first year at university and I'm having my first examination next friday = I'm really stressed out, and I can't sleep and I'm having these huge headaces 24/7. I really don't know what to do to relax... any tips on what I can do?

So sick

I'm feeling so weak, been throwing up a couple of times and it feels like i'm going to pass out when i stand up. So i'm laying in bed trying to study, hoping this will pass soon.

First party with my new classmates

I had an awesome night last night, but i do regret drinking so much today... it's fucking hard to write a paper when you are slightly hung over.. I need coffee!

I feel used..

I was her personal shrink for over four years, i listened to all of her problems, i held her when she cried... i was there for her in good and bad times. And i thought she would be there for me when i was going through some bad stuff but no. I was brutly dumped two weeks ago and she haven't once asked me how i'm doing. So this is how she pays me back for everything. I feel so used. And fucking lonely.

Urgh

I have a fever. Again. >.< I really need to stop stressing out so much... (and prevent those panic attacks that come's around too often when I'm about to sleep...)
But I kinda can't stopp stressing since I have an article about the history of oaks to read until tomorrow, another one about something else for the day after tomorrow (I seriously don't know what day is today..) and I need to write an abstact for that. Plus that essay and those 200 pages in the book... okay so I'll sleep when I'm dead!

Him.

I want to feel good, to not being on the edge of bursting into tears any second of the day. But I can't, becuase the one person (apart from my family) that cared about me for over a year crushed me some days ago. The only person that I ever loved left me after telling me for a long time that he never wanted to lose me. And I can't even hate him, because I still love him more than myself... I just want to be able to cuddle up in his arms, him holding me close and telling me everything is going to be okay.. But that is never going to happen. So I better drown my sorrows in alcohol and tears.

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