Vampire princess's blog

So last night, my friend Robin asked me out, and he's a really awesome guy, and really nice, so I said yes :) But then today we had the problem of telling my ex...Which doesn't sound like much of a problem right? Wrong. We're still really great friends, like he's one of my best friends, and according to himself and Katie still has feelings for me...Hawkward. So yeah, I said to him: "Btww...Uhmm...I'm kinda seeing Robin..." And his response was: "Die." He hasn't spoken to me since, and he's meant to be coming round my house in half an hour...My parents keep asking when he's getting here, and tbh I don't even know if he's still coming...What am I meant to say? Or do? I mean, I'm over the moon, but I wish Jack (my ex) hadn't reacted the way he did...I'm kinda worried about him...But then again I wish he'd grow up and accept things the way they are...

I don't really know what's come over me lately, but I've been feeling more alone/useless/unwanted these past couple of weeks. I kinda feel like I'm the friend everyone secretly hates, y'know like I'm not wanted anywhere...Even here. I'm not making a jab at you guys, you're fucking awesome, it's just my mind telling me these things. I want to hit my head on a brick wall 'cause I can't get these thoughts out of my head. The other day my friend Oscar noted that I was being a lot more quiet than I usually am, I just told him I was tired. I don't know what to do anymore! I've written so many blogs like this, and then deleted them for fear of being a nuisance, but seriously, I feel like shit. And I feel fat, and ugly. I genuinely feel like my life will amount to nothing. Gah, I dunno what to do, I've tried listening to MCR & Green Day, I've tried drawing, I've tried playing my guitar. It's like nothing I do anymore makes me happy.

Yeah, I don't really know how I've been these past few days to be honest...A bit numb, I guess. It's weird, me and dad had this massive fight the other night, we were screaming at each other for about 3 hours, then he went into my room, grabbed my purse, and poured all the money I'd been saving up to get my lip pierced, into his wallet, and cancelled the internet access on my phone. Needless to say, I went ballistic, which just ended up in more screaming at each other, at one point I wrote online about how much of a cunt he was...But then he saw that, and screamed at me some more, so I deleted him as a friend on there, and it was like WW3.

yad so toniught i wrnt out wiht my friends nad we all had a but to drink,but it w\s okay, casue I'm hime now and my dadr new i was drunk hr didn't te'll me off but he' toldme top be truthfuk with mhim. I had soime voka liek, half a bottle?. and songe cider andbeer and jack tolf me to hang myselg i might go that, i'n stuipid and ugle... Alson zac and ema hooked jp...i reallyliike zac, sothat made me sad..i'm gonna e dringk with my frinends tomnotteow tool,. and on my ownd of sunday, i'lkn be dead of nomday boit who cared? mY Mum picks me upn tonuight. she was ojke with it, buti i got alice druink and i'ma bad persons now, shen ever been bfrunk fegire. it;s all my bealt. u';n gonna go tto bed nopw;. night niughe ikillhoys. <3330

Oh my god...All these years I thought he didn't care...And he's just sat me down and spoken to me about how I'm feeling, what to do if I'm having a rough few days, how to look on the bright side of things...That he understands my brother and I are teenagers and bound to get upset and lash out at people...God we've never had a conversation like that before...It was kinda nice, but at the same time I want to cry...I'm 16, why haven't we spoken like this earlier? Either way, I'm happier now...I'm nearly crying, but it's tears of happiness I think. :')

Ahghh, my brain isn't working. T_T Anyone else get this? Please say I'm not alone here? :P

So yeah, last night I went to see Of Mice & Men with Katie, it was so awesome, and we met Austin Carlisle after the show!! :D But that's unrelated to what happened today. Basically I was sitting on the sofa at about 11am scrolling through Tumblr and having no intention of going out today, I was still tired from the concert last night and I just wanted to stay at home, but when my friend Aimee phoned up saying her, Jordan and Kyle were outside Morrisons, and asking if I wanted to meet them, I just kinda figured 'Yeah, why not?' So I got off the sofa, put on some makeup and better clothes, and headed off to meet them.

Who were you with yesterday?
No one, I was being a loner...But I stayed over my friends in the evening (:

What woke you up this morning?
Dunno, I just woke up...

Where are you?
In my living room :P

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Maybe, depends if I hang out with friends or not :P

Do you like anybody?
Oh god...It's really complicated...I do, but I don't know if they like me back, and then there's a few other guys that keep flirting with me and I don't know how to tell them to F-off without upsetting them, and this other guy probably isn't even interested in me, and my ex is being a nuisance...God...It's just...Asdfghjkl;

Ever thrown up in public?
Yeah, after going on too many rides at Chessington :/ And some guy just walked past and said "Been on too many rollorcoasters?" And walked off :L

Passed out because of alcohol?
Far too many times to count...Most recently the other day, then a few days before that...

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?

I don't know if you've heard of Joel Faviere...But he's one fucking amazing guy. ♥ He's the lead singer of Get Scared, and he really fucking cares about people, please take the time to just listen to this! It's only 4 minutes, and it'll really help if you're feeling upset or depressed or anything. Especially the last line. The bit that got me was when he spoke about alcohol, and how 30% of teens suffer from alcohol/substance abuse...That kinda hit home hard...But please just listen, if you're depressed this will help, and if you don' t fully understand depression, this will help you to. It's only 4 minutes, and it's so fucking amazing. ♥

But no seriously, I was at a party last night, and Josh got some straight vodka (40%) and mixed it with some Dr. Pepper, and then asked what I mixed my vodka with, and I replied "Oh I just drink it straight" and he was like "Really? So if I give you this and tell you to drink half of it straight, you will and it won't bother you? O.o" And I was like "Yeah I can do that easy (: I'll be drunk as fuck afterwards though xD" And so I did, and as well as that I had a fuck load of beer, and into that beer I poured a fuck load of vodka as well...So the above photo shows what I was like after all that...Lying on Robin's bathroom floor, out cold. XD But it was a really good night. When I sobered up I got a mug of coffee and sat on the stairs with Ray, Josh and Lauren, just talking about shit, haha. Then Ray left at about 3am, and we all tried to get to sleep...Which was when the two people I was sharing a duvet with started...Ahem...Getting a tad intimate...AWKWARD. FUCKING. TURTLE.