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Ughhhh so im talking to one of my friends and hes like "Hey you know theres gonna be a gay guy in our class?" and im like "...yeah.. so?" and OH MY FREAKING GOD HE SAID: "like.. thats so gross. what if he likes me or.. i dont know ugh.. gross" WHAT THE HELL?!?! so i freaked out and screamed at him and.. UGH im not gay but it pisses me off when people judge them! its SO childish! i cant believe this guy is my friend.. and now hes like trying to talk about other stuff but i dont wanna talk to him right now.. im so mad. hes so ignorant...

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You keep crying till you cannot see at all, cannot breathe at all♬

today is one of those days when life isnt as pretty... ☹ and the worst part is that i know its my fault.. see, i always end up hurting the people i love.. damn it -.- now i just hope i can move on.. (look on the bright side) i have amazing friends and i know theyll help me c: anyway.. how was your day killjoys? (: i hope everythings okay ♥

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Flashback o_o

this is one of those days when you just cant stop thinking about the past o: not that its a bad thing, i like memories.. but these hurt x) how the hell can i erase them from my mind?

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Ö! you remember?!

gguuuuyyysssssss!! i just remembered how this site was before danger days! i was checking my messages (cuz i have nothing else to do :P) and i see myself welcoming SO many new users! and i thought.. how did i know they were new? and i freaking remembered! on the right side of the page we had a little box, it said who was online and if they were new soldiers! and the likes on facebook xD remember? remember? :D some of you must remember! and the community wasnt named "zone 6" but just.. community x) aaaahhh im excited :3 i actually have a good memory, i dont know why did i erase these things from my mind ._. good to have them back :D
*random blog*

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Surgery! *faints*

I have a surgery tomorrow! And im super nervous! eeeek! Hagleinduhibevygalsitwoflydia.5inkobdu!!The only good thing about it is that after it ill get to see my dad for like 30minutes... Thatll be great ^^ and after the surgery i have 3 exams! O_O Super important exams! If i dont pass them ill die e__e okay, i wont die but omg i dont know what im gonna do. I wish i could talk to my boyfriend or to my best friend. But i dont know where they are .-. & i was like 'ok. Calm down mariana, you can let your stress out on tae kwon do' BUT i wont be able to... Cuz of the surgery -.- so yeah... I think ill be alright though c: lets hope for the best!

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I stole this :D (is that a ...manatee?)

[1] Are you bi?

[2] Where was your Facebook profile picture taken?
My room x)

[3] What is your middle name?
*skip this question*

[4] Do you have a crush?
I have a boyfriend c:

[5] Does your crush(ill add boyfriend) like you back?
Yeah ^^

[6] What is your current mood?
Im.. im bored (cant you tell?)

[7] What are you looking forward to?
nothing in particular

[8] What makes you happy?
MCR, my pets, my friends & Josh <3

[9] Look at a poster in your room, who's on it?
i took them off :/ but i have lyrics & quotes written on my wall :D (all MCR)

[10] What are you not looking forward to?
School D:!

[11] If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A freaking manatee.. :D they dont have problems :)

[12] Have you ever had a near death experience?
like 6 times.. (not kidding)

[13] What was the last phone conversation you had?
Best friend: "Youre coming over?"
Me: "i cant today.. im sorry ):"

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Rant in ...3...2...1... *RUN!* -you DONT wanna read this-

FUCK. thats all im saying right now. literally. just FUCK FUCK FUCK. im just so tired... my 4 best friends are on vacations, so i cant really talk with them that much, i mean, we talk via msn facebook & all that but its not the same. they cant come & hug me and wipe my tears off.. god i miss them so much. & AGAIN im sick. and when im sick things get SO ugly. ive been hallucinating and its terrible. (this is gonna be so so gross...) im spitting blood (yet again) i have this.. blackouts where i just stay still, no moving just crying & crying and its part of the illness, when thats happening i cant see. and even if i try, i cant move..its scary -for me- i cant sleep & when i do i have nightmares right away, i wake up crying and... god im so tired of everything. Its not like if im saying im all alone, no guys. i know i have you but.. i dont know, i just feel lonely. and like.. i never get to see my parents, never never never. and they promised they would be with me more and shit.

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Just... huh.. i dont know ._. its called "Always" ...

its not really a poem but... meh, it was 3:00am and i couldnt sleep.. so yeah..its very different from what i usually write.. considering the fact that all of my poems have the words "blood, suffering, sorrow, tears or razors" in them x) so yeah.. im new on this. You cant make fun of me! :D *pretty pleaseee* okok here i go (:
"I slowly let my walls down as i get closer to you.
i reach of your hand. you hold me tight.
i hear you breathing heavily as your lips taste mine
Feeling your touch reminds me that Im alive.
That everything will be alright
Your warm breath surrounds my neck. you make me feel safe
i cry in your arms. hoping this will last.
its been a long time since i last smiled
You pull me close enough to hear your heartbeat.
Slow&Calmed. Slow&Calmed
I look at the clock
with your gentle hand you turn my head. Touching my cheeks
making me blush
We stay quiet. Theres no sound.
The deepness in your eyes lets me know youre not looking at me.

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That awkward moment when...

You keep hurting the people you love because youre stupid and selfish. *sigh* i hate myself sometimes...

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D: i dont know how to use it! guys.. can you help me? xD lol yes, im pathetic i know!