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Im about to have my MCRmy anniversary

in 6 days it'll be two years that i joined the community, though i loved MCR before but yknow.
i just wanna thank you all, even if no ones gonna read this, i wanna thank each and every one that has cared about me and supported me, or even if i havent talked to you yet, i wanna thank you for being a part of this amazing family that has kept me going through so many hard times, its so comforting to know that no matter what happens ill always have you guys, people that are like me, that understand and are here to listen. thank you for all ive been through with you, if i cried, smiled, felt good or bad. you are all so important to me. thank you <3

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someone spit at me.

theres sometimes i want to stab myself to death..

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I wish i could be dead now

And im not the only one that wants me dead, i would make a whole bunch of people so happy. Im going insane, yet again... The worst nightmare i could have is better by far than the reality i live in. I dont want to sound like i want anyones attention, i just need to put my thoughts somewhere. Im not looking for anyone to help either, nothing anyone could say would make things better. All i can think of asking myself right now is 'what else (if theres something) can go wrong now?' my life and selfpity make me sick and yet im pathetic enough to feel the need to write it down. Like if that would help... Im just everyones problem yes? Im what everyone regrets. My dad wants me to go back to the mental hospital but i hate that place. my mom doesnt really care, she always says 'she will end up killing herself anyway'. I.feel.like.dying. and its funny because im 'the positive girl' and i spend my time telling everyone things will be okay. I know they will be, for them.

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if youre having a bad time..

soooooo.... im feeling very good right now cuz i talked to my friends on here and and and i missed them and im happy c: and everything is going so great right now, i mean not great, i still fight with my family have some problems here and there but nothing worth the mention, in general things arents so bad, compared to how i was living 6 months ago.. i was in a hole, desperate and about to die, literally.
and now things seem to be working out. im feeling happy for some people which seem to be better now (: and and one of my brothers and i are getting along, my boyfriend and i are okay, my dad came out from the hospital.. its just good (:

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nothing my psyquiatrist hasnt told me yet

Anorexia
[x] You hate your body.
[x] You have starved yourself.
[x] You have low self esteem.
[ ] You use laxatives.
[x] You need to be skinnier.
[x] People always say you're skinny, but you think fat.
[ ] People think you are way too skinny.
[x] You skip at least one meal a day.
[ ] You limit your calories or check them constantly by compulsion.
Total: 6
ADHD
[x] You are hyper most of the time.
[x] You barely pay attention to anything.
[x] You cannot cooperate with people well.
[x] You seem to never sit still.
[x] You talk all the time.
[ ] You need attention 24/7.
[x] You aren't very shy.
Total: 6
Bipolar Disorder
[x] You can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[x] You are very irritable.
[x] You barely get any or no sleep.
[ ] You have very high self esteem at times.
[x] You are have used or abused alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[x] You have thought of/attempted suicide
[x] You have the worst mood swings of anyone you know.
Total: 6

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im sick and tired of hurting myself

but i really cant help it....

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OMG

yesterday was the worst day ever and today is the worst day ever too. i hate everything, ive been crying nonstop and im just... god i hate this

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Hurricane ._.

ok, so. theres a hurricane passing through my city right now. like, NOW. and i dont usually get scared by stuff like this, but o_o its so loud, im alone at home, like TOTALLY, i just have my pets with me. and im just hoping my laptop doesnt die. the wind is literally screaming and the rain is hitting the windows so hard i feel like theyre gonna break, the trees outside are falling and the doors sound like if someone was trying to open them though its just the wind. my dogs are shaking uncontrollably, im scared, but i know ill be fine. i wish i could grab the phone and call my boyfriend but theres no line :c gaaahhh im scared i dont know whats gonna happen when i have no more light. im sure i wont sleep tonight

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Too much spam D:

i think i want the captcha back..

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Thanking God

So.. today was such a good day. The best day I've had in a long time. 3 friends i really care of are doing so much better right now, it seems like things are finally working out. Im so happy to have HIM back in my life (though this happened some weeks ago) We laughed all day at school today, my teachers were super happy for some reason, so i had the biggest smile, i just.. enjoyed it. I forgot all my problems and focused on things like this, short days that make your life so much better. So, thank you god for having him back, for giving my friends hope, for letting me see my dad, i missed him so much. Im even thankful for the internet, so i can come and write this blog.. and for so many other things. i cant say them all.. now this is random, a blog directed to god lol.. weird, i know. But, well if someone is reading this.. i just wanna say .DONT.GIVE.UP. ask my friends, ask me, things do get better. wait and youll see ;)