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I'm Proud of Myself

okay, so last night was not a good one at all. first, i heard some howling outside. i went to go check it out, because i thought there was a hurt animal, and my curiosity got the best of me. it was night time, and all i had was my cell phone for light. when i came back inside, my parents were really mad, but i don't blame them. that was really stupid of me to do, and i could've gotten hurt. luckily, i didn't. So i ended up crying because i felt like an idiot and i hated myself, all because i did something stupid. after i calmed down, i realized that i shouldn't be too hard on myself, and to learn from my mistake. next time i hear something outside at night, i'll try my best to ignore it. But i ended up coping in a healthy way. Also, i had a paranoia attack. i felt someone was out to get me, and i was so scared i was literally crying. i ended up doing deep breaths to calm myself down. i feel so proud that i could cope in these situations, because before, i would've cut.

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ZOMBIES APOCOLYPISE!!!

1.Deep in the Medow (not very zombie-like)
2. Bring the Pain (fuck yeah, :3)
3. in it for Life (not very runny, but whatever)
4. Skin to Bone
5. Give 'Em Hell Kid (i'd definatly be less scared with survivors)
6. Vampire Money (Definetly not a love song)
7. Devil in a Midnight Mass
8. Teenagers (random...)
9. Family Reuinon (i'd definatly say those words if i found zombie bite marks)
10. No More Sorrow (sweeeeet)

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I am Confused as to what I Should Do

okay. i am having quite the predicament within mineself (yes, that sentence was rather strange). you see, i am bullied for being different. Example, whenever i say i want to be in a rock band, everyone laughs at me. BUT, here's the thing. not all the time, but mostly, i basically ask for it. What i mean is that i am a freak. i wear two belts and act like a fucking psycho. i tell people i'm dead and shit like that. i am also the only black person in my school who listens to rock music. I hate being bullied, but the way i act is who i am, and i change for no one. BUT i also don't like being bullied. but no matter how hard i try to be normal, my brain just doesn't process conforming unless it's conforming to non-conformism. but i hate being bullied! it's like half of me is like, "you are such a freak, be normal already!" and the other half is like, "No! you're awesome just the weird, but great way you are!" and i don't know who to listen to! thus, i shall ask the help of my killjoys.

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okay, i'm confused as fuck right now

okay, so we all know about Full Metal Alchemist, right? so, can someone please explain to me Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood? because in the last episode of FMA, Edward was on the other side of the gate and Al had his body back. Hughes was dead and so was Bradly. in FMA:B, Ed is on the "right" side of the gate, Al is back in armor, Hughes is alive, and Bradly is the Fierier, and nobody knows the Elric Brothers. WTF is going on? can someone please explain this to me? because i'm confused as fuck. and even though i may sound like an idiot, i just wanna know what the fuck is going on.

~~Splash Bubblez out~~

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She's doing it again -____-

Sigh. My mom's doing it again. she's planning my future for me. i keep saying i already know what i'm gonna do, (be in a band), but she completely ignores that. she even looks up colleges for me, and she's like, "oh this place has a great theater blah blah blah," "ooo! look at this place, it's got communications and blah blah blah!" i don't even know if i'm going to college yet she already has a list of where she wants me to go. i'm just like, chill the fuck out! i'm only 13! and she completely ignores that fact that i'm interested in music. it's like she's sending me hidden messeges that she would rather me do anything else but be a musicain. Like seriously? i know there's a high chance that i won't make it, and i already have back up jobs in mind, but please let me make my own future please!
xoxo
-Splash Bubblez

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I Don't Think I Can Fight For Much Longer

Yeah, i hate to be such a downer, but... i've been fighting with depression fo a long time now. that blog i posted about me being happy? yeah, it's not going well. I have a knife in my room i keep in case i need to cut. i haven't used it. yet. but i might real soon. because i feel like such a horrible person who doesn't deserve the life i have. and i don't. and the voices keep saying the only way i'll be able to keep living is to make myself suffer. because i want to suffer. and i have no fucking idea why i would want to! i just want something bad to happen to me, even though i've got a loving family, awesome friends, and a nice house, in a somewhat nice place! i don't get bullied too much anymore, and life for me is good. so why the fuck do i want something to mess it up so fucking badly!?! This is why i don't deserve what i have. because i have everything a kid could ask for, and i would rather lose one of my parents, or get bullied even more, or some shit like that.

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OKAY...

My Chem needs to have at least ONE more show before they release their next album, because i have yet to see them live. and if i don't get to see them on DD, they had BETTER play Na Na Na, Planetary, and I'm Not Okay, or i will be speaking with the band. Because I wanna see those songs live. And, you know what? they don't even have to play those, i just wanna see them live! i always get so close and then i either piss off my mom, or we don't have the money, or i'm at a psychiatric hospital (yes, these have happened before) and i always miss them! I just wanna see them T.T I always dreamed that i would get lucky and be able to sing with them on stage, but i never expect much, just being in the crowd close enough to actually see them. that's all i ask.
xoxo
- a concert-deprived Splash Bubblez

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OKAY...

My Chem needs to have at least ONE more show before they release their next album, because i have yet to see them live. and if i don't get to see them on DD, they had BETTER play Na Na Na, Planetary, and I'm Not Okay, or i will be speaking with the band. Because I wanna see those songs live. And, you know what? they don't even have to play those, i just wanna see them live! i always get so close and then i either piss off my mom, or we don't have the money, or i'm at a psychiatric hospital (yes, these have happened before) and i always miss them! I just wanna see them T.T I always dreamed that i would get lucky and be able to sing with them on stage, but i never expect much, just being in the crowd close enough to actually see them. that's all i ask.
xoxo
- a concert-deprived Splash Bubblez

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Fullmetal Alchemist

holy shit, man. i just finished FMA and it was fucking intesnse and deep as hell. but it was also very insightful, and made me think about things, which i think benifited my mental health. but seriously, that was a fucking awesome anime, and i'm gonna start brotherhood tomorrow. but, yeah, i guess thats the end of this pointless blog, soo, see ya!
xoxo
-Splash Bubblez

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In Honor of MCR Day....

...I'd like to share my story. which i don't do often, so read it now or forever hold your peace. SO. It all started in sixth grade when the bullying started. I was the freaking imature still-stuck-in-fifth-grade kinda person. and i was getting bullied for it. I was also the only African-American who wasn't ghetto as fuck in the school. so i also got bullied for that (and i still do). i desperatly wanted to be like the other black kids, but that would mean i had to lose my friends. i didn't care. i just wanted to fit in. and i tried so fucking hard, but it only got worse. But at that point in time, i had started listening to rock music. So, on the radio, i heard 'Welcome to the Black Parade" and thought that song sucked. i hated it when they played it, but slowly, it grew on me. Eventually i loved the song to death (see what i did there? X3) and looked up some of their songs. Since i was a newbie rocker, they stuff scared the shit outta me.