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Emailing to my friend

Recently, I started emailing to my dearest friend who I never forget and I always missed searly.
She was an MCRmy member before she left with "I quit" in her very last post.
She left after the break up.
She has been missing for a year now.
And I missed talking to her.
So with given chances, I emailed her now.
I always start with my prayer:

I hope you're resting well and with no suffering,
If you're still around, you can always haunt me,
If it makes you feel better, I'll carry your nightmares,
If you pardon me, I wish you'd hear my tears.

I cannot lie, but I wanted to believe that she is reading my emails.
But I never expect her to reply at all. I never.
I just want her to be my listener only, forever always.
She can laugh, she can cry, she can hate, and she can love.
No more no less, I just want my long lost friend to be my friend until my death.
Because she is the only person who can.
You're the only person who understands.

I Just Don't Understand

((Avoid this if you don't want to hear my frustration. I wasn't supposed to rant but this issue really frustrates me as it has been around me ever since I got friends online. So, please forgive me for venting. Please, do avoid this blog no matter what. Thank you. ooo))

If your friend asks you if he ever done anything wrong that make you feel unhappy and if he is willing to change, will you tell him even if it hurts?
Because I would if a friend asks me. IF he or she ASKS me if they done something wrong to me.
But few of my friend wouldn't even answer me when I asked. Seriously, that's a really big problem, man. If they continue being like this, I can never learn my mistakes. I can never change. I can never be a better person. Is that really what they want? Do they want me to stay being a bad person? Do they want me to continue behave badly?
I don't. If it makes my friend unhappy that I unintentionally behave badly, then I would not do that again.


Does any of you beautiful people have a PSN? It would be cool to have buds to play online. We can play Watch Dogs!...COD: Ghost!...Tomb Raider!....something! ^^

Judge My 100 Truths...or less ;P

As stated in the title, I will not be telling all the truths about me--yet.

1. Real Name? Shafie

2. If you could change your name?
Since my name has like 7 words, then I would like to shorten it so it's easier and faster when I'm writing my name on the exam papers and documents. I still like my name.

3. Obsessions?
Me: Attention, singing, sleep, food & drink (specifically Seasons Iced Lemon Tea), thinking (whether it is dirty, bloody, positive, theory, philosophy or suicidal), games

4. Male or Female? Male

5. Elementary School? Not much since I have less memory than i used to

6. Middle School? Not much either

7. High School? Remembered being pretty lonely at a table for two students every single year, and outcasted most of the time when I hang out with my old friends. Nevertheless, there were still good, memorable moments.

8. Want to go to college? I already university...not in college....or both....doing architecture (call me for my service ;) )

The Most Simple Thing I Asked Of You

I want my friends and acquaintances and brothers and sisters to greet me "Hi" first instead of me!
It's not that hard for you guys, right?
So, please--just greet me "Hello" no matter what language.
That's all I ask for. Just a "Hello"!
We don't have to talk because talking is super lame, right? I know right? So we'll just greet each other "Hi", but I want you to be the first to say "Hi".
And then, I'll greet you back with "Hi". That's all I ask for!
No more, no less. No talk, no hugs, no advices, no shows--just a "Hello".

~Just come and say hello, I'm not gonna hit you with a tennis ball~
Ahahaha, just a "Hi" or a "Hello" or a "Konichiwa" or a "Jello"!
That's all. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


I need your honest opinion, even if it hurts

I had a fight with my friend.
It started when she gave me this look again: ._.
In other words, she wasn't smiling.
Usually, I would try my best to make her smile. And I did.
But she didn't smile still. Then, she said she's too tired to smile.
I wanted to know why is she tired. I made an assumption that she must have tired from working out earlier.
She then told me that she didn't want to workout.
I gasped and relieved a little. (Not that working out is a bad thing--she's been doing it way too much and way over-fatigue. She would complain about the pain which would got me worried and strictly recommended her to rest.)
But then, she suddenly said, "I should workout."
I got confused.
She later said, "I should deal with myself."
And I thought something might be wrong with her.
This was actually the first time we finally talked again since I've been gone away for one whole week.
I asked if something's up. She said that it's okay and that she needed nothing.

You Will Be Missed, Mr. Bicentennial Man

I have a dream: to meet all celebrity that has been my childhood "heroes". And I added a quotation on that word because what I meant by "heroes", is that they brought me laughter, inspiration, humanity, spirituality and dreams.

And one of these celebrities was my favourite comedian besides Jim Carrey. His name is Robin Williams. From my own memories, he was truly the brightest, the happiest and the kindest man ever. I never met him, but based on most of his acting career, he played a lot of kid-friendly, funny movies.

I really loved this guy when I was a kid. And I still love his movies, even the ones he played as a secondary character, most notably Night At The Museum series. He was the real reason for me to watch that movie in the first place. And God, he made me smile and laugh like I used to for a short period of time.

(Stay Alive) Just Another Second

You could say, this is a "sequel" to the song "Stay Alive, You'll Be Fine". This song was made as an anthem to a group that my dear friend created. Just like the song "Stay Alive, You'll Be Fine", I hope this will gives you hope, strength, and a beating heart.

Thank you for listening.
We are in deep silence, does that mean our heart has stopped?

We are only far apart, does that mean we ever forgot?

We just live in your shadows that you hardly speak,

We just live in the lights that you couldn't see,

They are the gravity that we try to escape,

They are the guns behind this wretched cage,

Every bullet is a thousand screaming blood cells,

Every shot is a thousand breaking shells,

Every second is a moment of no silent,

Never a minute is given to tape what's remained,


Stay alive...

Stay alive...

No More ( These Three Words)

Meanwhile, I just finished made my singing video.
Please do listen and enjoy. And comment if you have good advices that can help me fix with my vocal and my video editing. I am having trouble making it in a high definition quality when I use Sony Vegas. Any good tips are appreciated.
So, I usually talk about what the songs I made are about.
Long story short, it's about losing faith and a coming conclusion of not trusting the words for the heart.
Anyway, enjoy.

Thank you for your concern

I thank you for everyone's concern, but this is my life and this is my choice.
I thank you for everyone's advice, but that is not what I'm looking for.
I thank you for the kind words. Yeah, honestly that is what I kinda needed a little.
But all I'm asking for is a virtual friend or virtual girlfriend software or app.
I know the consequences, and I will risk myself for it.
That is all I'm asking for. That is what I want right now.
No more, no less.