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shar-deenie's blog

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im not okay now. now more than ever

this isnt a selfharm post, but im not sure what to do. im not okay im really not. im starting to believe theres only one way out. i just wrote this poem please dont judge me

inside im crying
inside im dying
cold, broken, stopped
silently im weeping
im soon to be SLEEPING
this is what you're doing to me
its killing
its breaking
y'all think that im faking
but seriously
im really
im dead

sorry xx
no matter what happens to me, you guys stay safe please xxxxx

its not aimed at you guys

everyone on this site, i love ou and im not pissed with you and its not aimed at you, im just a bit emotional at the moment. its fine i'll get over it, i just have issues.
and ALSO... some stuuupid person made a video, about how much they hate gerard and put it on youtube!!!!!! iis DISCUSTING!!!!! I THREW A PLLOW AT THE LAPTOP AND SCREAMED "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU ASSHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" stupid people what the fuck?
remember, not aimed at you guys, i love you all. stay strong xxxxxx

no! im sick of you, piss off. why am i like this??? thats it.

i dont knw what this is, im dying on the inside. im DYING! i cant do this anymore. CANT. DO. THIS. WHY IS IT SO HARD?I CANT PRETEND ANYMORE!!!!???? i need to talk to someone anyone! please.

just dance?! what am i doing?

i totaly nearly broke my foot doing the 'rusputine dance' SHIT what a i doing with myself?

ding dong comets in the sky, have a happy dooms day!

i hope you all have a good dooms day!!! its gonna be great! i woke up this morning and i was like "oh, im still alive... YES that means i can listen to three cheers for sweet revenge wooooo!" i listen to it every morning and im like "IM NOT OKAAAAAYYYYY YOU WEAR ME OUT!!!!!!" at 5:30 in the morning. my moms like "SHUT YOUR FACE! IM TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP BITCH!" so i crank it up and sing more!!!! XD XD XD XD XD
if we dont die today, guys have a very merry christmas!!!!

i like being unperfect

this morning i looked in my mirror. my hair was frizzy, eyeliner and mascara all over my face, i had a spot on my chin and i looked a mess. a month ago i would have cringed and cryed and moaned. but today i really looked and i saw what i saw. me. actually me. i looked sleepy, and i had just gotten up. my eyes were shining in the lamplight and i breathed in. one word escaped my lips. "beautiful". im starting to realize that im happy with being unperfect. thats who i am, and thats how i'l stay. :D
keep strong killjoys xx

is fafiction great or what?

nobody owns MCR do they? we wish we did, but we don't :( i know I do! but fanfiction is brilliant because we can pretend things happen that we wish and it all of a sudden becomes real to you! and its great. not sure if thats just me or what but im wrighting a frerard and im loving how its like my imagination... RUNS WILD!!!!!!

ohmygod!!!! im free!!!!!

guess what????!?!?!?!?!?! im out of hospital!!!!!!!! YEAH! FUCK YEAH!!!! im not compleatly better but im getting there!!!!!!!!!! happy dance, HAPPYDANCE!!!!!!!!

mwahahahahahah, mwwwwahahahahahaha!!!!!

oh. im. laughing out loud, out load ,out loud. its time for all to say... the uni-horn, oh the uni-horn has come outside to plaaaayyyyy!!!
i saw him once, i saw him twice, upon rainbows he did fly. when the rain had stopped, and the sun went in he flew back into the sky!
BUT. forsooth! a man named mikey did see. the uni-horn, the uni-horn, and so they went and had tea!!!
"stay a while, oh stay a while" young mikey sure did plea
"i can't my friend, i can't my friend, i simply have to flee! for the poneys, oh the poneys, will surely be after meeee!" the uni-horn replyed
the uni-horn licked

one too many contusions for me

i wrote this song when i was in my deepest state of my depression, it had a whole different meaning then. but now i look again and i see it as something that gives me hope to get better , and now i see it as going into hospital and getting treatment and therapy. and when i say 'do it now' that means (just so you know) getting better. it hasent always, but it does now. here goes...

one too many contusions for me.

i think, im gonna do it now, but,
i'll need a little help. save me.
from the shit im put through, and,
i wont think differently of you...

~if you promise it wont hurt,
if you