Second chance animal's blog Syndicate content

Second chance animal's picture

I am under so much stress right now

Well first because I'm starting high school in two days and I have zero friends and don't know where anything is.
Then there's my horse. I'm still training him to be ridden without trying to kill me or run me into walls.
Then biggest of all. My ex friend. I'm gonna have to see her at school and whatever I've told everyone else I don't if I can take it. I mean last night I was reading my old notebooks with killjoys with her in em and I ended up crying. And I dont cry.
Then there's the fact that I have whiplash from some dipshit rear ending the car. At a red light!
And I havent been able to breathe right. Just the other day I was leading my horse around and I just couldnt breathe all of a sudden. I actually had to get on him and ride him back to the barn and I was right down the road.
I feel really close to a mental breakdown and it's all I can do to not start cutting again. I mean it might make me feel momentarily okay but I'm not going down that road again.

~NightHawk

Second chance animal's picture

I'm just a shell of a person

So this is basically directed to everyone who knows me.

Cant you see I'm not okay?
Is it because you're too self involved or do you just not care anymore?
And if you knew would you even care?
Would you try to help or just call me crazy?
Or would you turn your back like everyone else?
Don't you notice when I talk and it sounds like a conversation but you weren't talking?
Cant you tell I'm bleeding inside?
That all day I'm an empty shell and at night I scream for a way out?
Are you blind to it all or do you just not care?
Is this how I'm supposed to be?
Can you tell im falling apart again and I don't know how many more times I can pull it together?
Would you think I'm crazy if I told you?
Or would you turn your back again?
Can't you see through my fake smile?
Am I that good a liar or are you not looking?
If you read this would it change anything?

~NightHawk

Second chance animal's picture

I feel hollow inside

The only time I feel okay is around my horse and I only see him for a few hours a day and whenever I'm not around him I feel empty. God I thought I was over this. It's not as bad as it was last time but whenever I'm alone which is most of the time I think about cutting and I hate it!
I feel like no one even gives a fuck because everyone betrays me I don't believe a word anyone says because they lie and no one even seems to notice me. No knows what's going on with me right now because if I told them they'd call me crazy and I basically have no friends to even tell anymore.

~NightHawk

Second chance animal's picture

Ok so random stuff about my horse

1. He tries to gallop up hills but he throws his head down like he's about to buck and freaks me out
2. He runs DOWN hills and stumbles a lot
3. He bites other horses on the ass on trail rides
4. He rams my feet into stuff to try to get me off
5. He half reared at me the other day
6. He tries to eat my feet/boots
7. He's so sweet everyone loves him and I can't stay mad at him.
8. He follows me around like a puppy

~NightHawk (I'll be posting a vid of him following me around sometime)

Second chance animal's picture

My giant draft horse follows me like a lost puppy!

Yeah that's about it.

~NightHawk( and he comes to me when I whistle)

Second chance animal's picture

GAH I HATE ELECTRONICS!!!

I'm soooo pissed off. So I just got my horse Friday an I wanted to post ica of me and him but my computer decided to crash and be a shithead. I've been living off my phone all week and I am sooo pissed.
And my horse is horrible to ride. I mean he's so sweet and cute and all but he doesn't understand the concept of steering and every time I try to get on him he jumps away or starts spinning!
I love rebel (his full name is Break the rules of Rebel Warrior) though and he's just really young so hopefully he'll get better.

~NughtHawk (gah I wanted to post more about him but I can't because I hate this damn phone!)

Second chance animal's picture

MY NEW HORSE!

Ok this is my very first horse. This isn't me riding him, it's his trainer but I just bought him today. He's Western and he's a Clydesdale cross with something else. Maybe Thoroughbred. We don't know. But anyway his name is Rebel Warrior (or it will be) and he needs some work but he's only four so he's very young.
He gets delivered to the barn where I ride on the 3rd and I know these are gonna be like the longest two weeks of my life. But I actually do own him right now.

~NightHawk (I'll post pics of me and him when I get him.)

Second chance animal's picture

I got kicked by a freakin horse!

Ok mini horse but they kick HARD!
I have no idea what I did. Me and some other people at camp were trying to jump him because he's so cute when he jumps. And he wouldn't go over so we were making him run over it and just out of nowhere he starts bucking.
And of course I'm in the way. So now I have a hoofprint on my arm.

~NightHawk (But I forgive him)

Second chance animal's picture

Ok so I'm buying a horse.

I was gonna post a picture but their were only pics on my mom's email and she deleted them.
Anyway the horse I'm looking at is a gorgeous Gypsy Vanner. I am absoulutely in love with him. His name is Bruno but I would change it. Well he's just gorgeous as I said.
So of his owner writes back and says that he can hold him till next month (when my current lease on a horse ends) then all I have to do is interrogate the guy on the horse. Well not interrogate but I have seriously a ton of questions. A page and a half of em. But he sounds like a great horse. He's English and Western and really smart supposedly. And he's way cheap for a Gypsy. They're like tens of thousnads of dollars usually but this guy's only 600 so if everything goes well.
Anyway he hasn't written back yet so, fingers crossed.

Second chance animal's picture

How do I change my fuckin account name?

I am so sick of what I have now. How do I change it?

~NightHawk