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This bitch who calls herself a killjoy...

Ok so my ex friend thinks she's still a killjoy. She still calls herself Firefly (the killjoy name I made for her) like nothing happened. And now she wants to fix things.
So basically she abandoned me last year near the end of school when all my other friends abandoned me.
So anyway she thinks she's still a killjoy. Like, bitch realy killjoys don't abandon their friends when they need them most.
And now she wants to fix things. There's no way she can.
I have to be homeschooled because I have no friends at school because of her and I get too depressed there.
Anyway she still says she's a killjoy. She knows nothing about being a killjoy. Nothing.


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My friend wants to kill herself! What do I do?

Ok so I was talking to her and I told her I might be moving in a couple years and she seemed sad but then she hung up and called back twenty minutes later. She said she won't be able to see this horse she loves (Toby) anymore. She wouldn't tell me why. I talked to her for a long time and she seemed really depressed. When she hung up I told my mom and she's calling my friend's mom but I'm worried a) my friend WILL try to herself b) She'll hate me forever for telling or c) both.
I don't what to do. I can't cheer her up because I suck at it.

~NightHawk (I'm so scared something will happen)

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Life is sooo complicated

1. My dad is moving to Georgia (we live in NH) but my mom brother and I will still be here and he'll drive up every weekend.
2. I might be getting homeschooled
3. If I get homeschooled we might move to Virginia (where I want to live because of plenty of land for horses) but then I won't see my friend as much
4. I'm kind of working things out with Tam (the friend who stabbed me in the back) The deal is (if she's telling the truth) that things kept getting misinturpreted (shit I think I spelled that wrong) and I don't know if I should forgive her. I mean it's not like I'll ever trust her again no matter what happens.
5. Life is just really complicated.


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What I did over school break

Made a weird video with my friend featuring some of my Schleich model horses.
Saw my horse. Taught him how to behave on a lunge line. Tried to teach him to lay down and failed miserably.
Turtured myself with thoughts of school and how I made it worse for myself the day before break (Long story. Might put it in another blog)
Got a pocketknife.
Proceeded to somehow slice my finger open with said knife and now have to deal it throbbing. (It sucks!)
Made some stuff for my model horses.
Laid around bored.
Got pissed because my parents both said to do things with me last week and neither of them did it. My dad said he would take me a shooting range and my mom said she'd take me rockclimbing. So I didn't do either.
Watched stupid tv shows.
Saw The Hobbit.
Cheered because Twilight was rated worst movie.
That's about it.
~NightHawk (oh and I wrote a long of fan fics but I never post them online anyway so...)

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I'm bored sooo

Put your ipod or mp3 on shuffle and see what your movie soundtrack would be:

Opening credits: Break Me Down- Red

Waking up: One- Simple Plan

Falling in love: One By One- Simple Plan

Fight song: How To Save A Life- The Fray (wtf?)

Breaking up: The Day That You Decide- Drive-By

Life’s ok: Demolition Lovers- MCR (oookay)

Getting Back Together: Never Be The Same- Red

Wedding song: Take A bow- Muse

Birth of child: Gone Too Soon- Simple Plan

Final battle: Save Me- ShineDown

Death scene: Bully- ShineDown

Funeral song: Dead!- MCR (oh my god. That's so weird)

End credits: The Static Age- Green Day


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Things I hate about society

(some of this is just at my school, others are just in general)
1. RULES! They say "oh you only have one life to live." but then there are a million rules you have to follow. Like how can I live my life to the fullest if there are all these shitty rules to follow.
2. Everyone says to be yourself and then they judge you.
3. If you show your true feelings they take advantage.
4. You're expected to go to school go to college get a job get married have kids then die. It's like everyone is supposed to have the same rountine.
5. Everyone expects you to find "true love" and have a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school and if you don't you're weird.
6. Everyone thinks highschool girls should have a million friends and it's just weird if you don't when in reality they're all just too stupid to be around.
7. The ability of everyone to see only what they want and not the truth or the outcasts.
Yep that's about it for now.


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I remember when....

I remember when I looked forward to growing up
I remember when I liked school
I remember when my only fake friends were invisible
I remember when I had friends
I remember when I was happy
I remember when no-one judged on clothes, or hair, or anything
I remember when I was innocent
I remember when I had no reason to cry
I remember when there weren't cliques
I remember when the worst insult was sticking out your tongue
I remember when people wanted to be friends
I remember when I was a kid
I remember when I didn't need counseling
I remember when I felt alive
I remember when I wasn't afraid
I remember when crap was the worst word in my vocabulary
I remember when I wanted to be a teenager
I remember when I didn't cry myself to sleep
I remember when I had none of these scars
I remember when drama was someone stealing someone else's crayon
I remember when "keep me away from sharp objects" was a joke
I remember when my worst fear was the dark

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Still bored

(so iPod on shuffle)

Opening Credits: Gotta Be Somebody- NickelBack

Waking Up: Castaway- Green Day

First Day of School: 21 Guns- Green Day

Falling In Love: I Don't Love You- MCR (sorry just have to laugh my ass off right now)

Fight Song: What A Shame- Shinedown

Prom: Dead!- MCR

Dammed Finals: Nothing On My Back- Sum 41

Breaking Up: The Only Hope For Me Is You- MCR

Driving: The World Belongs To Me- My Darkest Days

Getting Back Together: Crazy- Simple Plan (oookay)

Wedding: Wake Me Up When September Ends- Green Day

First Child: Drowning Lessons- MCR

Death: Grow Up- Simple Plan

End Credits: 21st Century Breakdown- Green Day


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1.) How are you?
stuck between rage and depression
2.) Are you a dude or a chick?
3. Do you like any other band besides My Chemical Romance?
Hell yeah. (looking through phone to make sure I get them all) a littleGreen Day , Simple Plan, Sum 41, some Skillet, Shinedown, some Three Days Grace, Avenged Sevenfold, Breaking Benjamin, Crossfade, Dave Days, Drive-By, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, Paramore, some Pop Evil, some Plan Three, Papa Roach, a little NickelBack, Scars on 45, Sick Puppies, and 30 Seconds To Mars, others that I only have two or three songs by so not worth mentioning
4.) Do you like the color black?
Hell yeah
5.) Are you an Idiot, a Killjoy, and a Deathbat?
Killjoy (the others WTF?)
6.) Do you like anyone?
My best friend
7.) What are your favorite colors?
Black, red, green, yellow, and blue
8.) Would you follow me on Twitter?
No social networking is dumb
1.) What is the color of your underwear?

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Broken inside

I'm broken
I'm choking
I can't breathe
I can't sleep
I can't dream
I can only scream
It hurts so bad
I'd rather be mad
Rather be alive
Not fighting to survive
I'm broken
and I'm choking
It breath strangles me
This isn't how I wanna be
But what can I do?
Be a lie
I'd rather die

~NightHawk (have to cry myself to sleep now)