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I'm bored...

[] smoked
[] consumed alcohol
[] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[] kissed someone of the same sex
[] had sex
[X] had someone in your room other than family
[] watched porn
[] bought porn
[] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 2
[X] taken painkillers
[] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[X] lied to your parents
[X] lied to a friend
[X] snuck out of the house
[X] done something illegal
[X] felt hurt
[X] hurt someone
[X] wished someone to die
[] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 10
[X] missed curfew
[X] stayed out all night
[X] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[X] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[X] dyed your hair
[X] been in an accident
[] been to a club
[] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 16
[] been to a wild party
[] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[] had a spring break in Florida

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Can you guys please check out this video I made?

~NightHawk

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Dear Lola

I wrote this song for Lola the mule. If you aw my earlier blog you know why.

Watching you slip away
Day by day
Calling out for you
The pain I can't see through
You're gone
Slipped between the cracks
And you won't come back
And these tears don't change a thing
Nor do the words I sing
You're gone now
I don't know how
But you said goodbye
Leaving me to cry
Nothing's gonna bring you back
Your world went black
They gave up on you
You gave up on us
Because they broke your trust
And these tears don't change a thing
Nor do the words I sing
You're gone now
I don't know how
But you said goodbye
Leaving me to cry
So much pain in your heart
They ripped you apart
You couldn't come back
You didn't hear my pleas
I'd help you through the fears
But now all there are is tears
In your place
I miss your face
But these tears don't change a thing
Nor do the words I sing
You're gone now
I don't know how
But you said goodbye
Leaving me to cry
You're gone

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These tears can't mend the wounds...

I'm really upset. I've been working with this mule. Lola, the past couple weeks because she's traumatized and doesn't trust anyone. But she was finally starting to trust me. I managed to touch her and have her not run for her life.
Then today I found out she's more than likely going to be put down. She's been limping and she's in pain. They think whatever it is would probably need constant care to heal if it even could be. And she's as good as wild.
I was starting to build a bond with her and now she's going to be put down. I know I could work with her and get her to trust me enough to let me help her with her leg if it was curable but how do I explain that to them when I can barely touch her face much less her injured leg and no one else can get near her.

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I'm bored...

1. Any scars? Lots.
2. Crush? No
3. Kissed anyone? No
4. Coke or Pepsi? I don't care
5. Someone you hate? Lots of people
6. Best friends? Satan's Angel
7. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? No
8. What's your dream job? Singer
9. Ever been in love? No
10. Last time you cried? Can't remember
11. Favourite color? Dark green, dark blue, yellow, red, and black
12. Height? 5'8 I think
13. Birthday? May 7th
14. Eye colour? Brown
15. Hair colour? Brown with blue streaks in it (thinking of dying it black over the summer)
16. What do you love? My horse, my pets, music, singing, drawing, acting crazy, playing pranks
17. Obsession? My horse, music, singing
18. If you had 1 wish, what would it be? To start a band and be able to go on tour with my favorite bands (if MCR did like a reunion tour or whatever they call it and with my other favorite bands)
19. Do you love someone? No

~NightHawk

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Stuff I got from th All Time Low conert I saw a couple weeks ago...

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I'm trying but you keep pushing me down...

My horse is being a bitch. He bit me today. He's always been nippy but he's only ever really bitten me once before and that was because I had a treat. And today he drew blood. It's not bad but my finger is pretty sore and that's not all this damn horse did.
He also ran from me in the pasture. He wouldn't let me get on him to ride until I lunged him and he tried to trample me.
I swear to God I have had so many problems with him. It's like a never ending battle. I accomplish one thing with him and he develops another problem. Or I'm doing good with him and he does something and ruins it.
Last time I cantered him he fell and I haven't cantered since. Last time I trotted him he spooked and I nearly fell off and then he started cantering and wouldn't stop and I flashed back to last time he cantered.

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So I'm training a mule...

So at the barn where I board my horse there's this mule. She's basically wild because she was rescued from an abusive home two years ago and she's basically been out in the pasture ever since and no one's been able to get near her.
Well I asked my instructor if I could work with her t gain her trust and she said sure so I went out in the pasture and she kind of ignored me but if got closer she'd run off.
Well today I went out and she took a treat from me. It's my third day of working with her. She took a treat from me so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be able to get through to her. Because mules are apparently not very trusting and it can take a year or longer to get there trust and this mule hasn't had any human contact in two years and yet he came up and took a treat from me after three days.
I'm so happy!

~NightHawk

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I'm bored so I might as well do this

1. Any scars? Yes,on my arms, ankle, and my leg
2. Crush? Noo
3. Kissed anyone? No
4. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi
5. Someone you hate? There's a lot...
6. Best friends? One
7. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? No
8. What's your dream job? Singer
9. Ever been in love? No
10. Last time you cried? When my counselor said I should sell my horse (she regretted saying that)
11. Favourite colour? Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, and FUCKING BLACK!
12. Height? 5'8
13. Birthday? May 7th
14. Eye colour? Brown
15. Hair colour? Naturally it's dark brown but it's died a reddish brown
16. What do you love? Writing, singing, being around animal, hiking
17. Obsession? Collecting model horses
18. If you had 1 wish, what would it be? To start a band and tour with All Time Low (it used to be MCR but...)
19. Do you love someone? No

~NightHawk

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I don't know what I want to do anymore....

I don't know what to do with my life anymore. For the past five years I've wanted to be an equine vet an now I just can't see myself doing that anymore. Mainly because I've been having attention problems and right now college seems impossible. I'm only a freshman and my mom keeps telling me not to worry about it but I overthink everything.
And lately I've been thinking about how I want to be a singer. I mean I wanted to be a singer when I was really young but I think I sort of thought it was never gonna happen so I gave up on it but now I keep seeing myself up on a stage in front of a huge crowd singing and I don't know maybe I'm being crazy but I really want to sing. I love songwriting and singing.
I told my mom but she keeps saying that there are a lot of good singers who never make it big and that it's a lot of work.