Crushed Dreams's blog

Tomorrow I start my freshman year in high school. GOD I'M SO SCARED TT~TT I know I'm going to get lost all day and make enemies and I just... gah!!! I don't know what to do!!!!

ADVICE!? PLEASE?!

XOXO
Crushed D's

Don't ya hate it when it suddenly feels like everyone is against you? Yeah.... I really want to lock myself away right now. Love fucking sucks.

XOXO
Crushed D's

So I finally started writing again (YAY!) IT was a song-fic for Kill All Your Friends by MCR ^_^ On DeviantArt I entered a killers contest for one of the groups I'm in. It was a fan fiction for the anime Hetalia. (It was a Snapped!GreeceXJapanXTurkey). It was the first thing I ever wrote with rape in it. And people like it!

On DeviantArt? Find me! My username is SereneDash

XOXO
Crushed D's

So this is Night Core and they usually cover openings for animes ((they did Pokemon :D)) and my sister found this one and I was "AHJUGHFK OH MY GOD!!" Enjoy ^^)

XOXO
Crushed D's

So tomorrow is a big pizza party where the football team, marching band, and cheerleaders get together. In other words, we need a picture of the three groups together and to get you to come we're bribing you with free pizza and sugary treats. My band instructor said "You're so lucky the three of you get along so well!" We're all like "WE HATE THEM." Now lemme tell you, I was a cheerleader for 6 years and stopped so I could be in marching band so I know about 80% of those cheerleaders. They. Are. Assholes. The football team is no better.

So basically, we're just coming for the free food and nothing else. YAY! XD

XOXO
Crushed D's

Ugh!! I hate being so shy. I'm always so scared to talk to people. Face-to-face is a nightmare. Online is better but its still scary. Fuck me and my self-conscious issues!!! I went to a convention in June and I hate how I was going to meet up with a friend from DeviantArt but when I saw her I was too scared to go up and introduce myself *burries head under pillow* GOD DAMN IT! I hate how I didn't talk with anyone there other than these two other people I met and the group I was with :I and I'm still pissed at my sister ((but that's another story)).

I mean I know now that most people are generally very nice and understanding... but when I was little it was never like that. ((I have a strong urge to yell "don't judge me" right about now.)) Fuck fuck fuck. I'm so afraid of people!!! T-T At band it took forever for me to talk to anyone other than my friend April. The section leader told me to talk with everyone but I mainly hid behind her for awhile....

XOXO
Crushed D's

Ugh... today has been a bitch. I've been in a bad mood all day. At band today I was bringing my marimba outside and let me say this thing is so heavy that it takes forever to bring to the parking lot where we practice. To explain a little, a marimba makes sound because under the keys are big brass pipes. It's kinda like an organ I guess? Anyway, so I'm pushing this thing around the back corner of the school and one of the sets of pipes FALLS OFF. Since I was already angry I just snapped. I just stood there and fucking screamed, kicked the damn thing, threw things, and started crying. I did that for about 10 minutes until finally someone showed up ((I couldn't just leave the marimba there!!)). My two friends run over and one says "what are you doing?!" so I said/cried "SCREAMING. DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!" and she thought I was laughing. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! So it took about a half hour to fix the damn thing.

I was thinking a lot about when I was a kid, like a little kid in elementary school. I wasn't liked. By anyone. Really, everyone hated me. But I was all "fuck you people I'ma loner!". As a girl I tried being friends with girls. That failed. Horribly. I feel like it was because how I dressed. Erm... I wasn't very girly. I wore pokemon shirts and super hero shirts and mcr tees and sneakers and jeans every day. I also grew up wrestling and fighting with my sister (who isn't girly at all) and playing pokemon and watching the justice leauge and star wars. When I started school my only friend were my neighbors, who are all guys. So I thought "maybe I should be 'one of the guys'" and I was. I had my own little circle of guy-friends. Yup it Max, Jordan, Rodger, Alex, and Cam. Funny how accepted I felt, talking about video games and world of war craft. They all saw me as a guy, except Max who saw me as his nerdy girl who's a friend. (later we started dating but thats another story).

I drew this the other day AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!! I tried drawing in this style again but it came out more steam punk than lolita -_-" Oh well. Do you guys like it?

XOXO
Crushed D's

PS- if anyone wants me to draw them something I'll be happy to do it :)

urg.... today at band camp my friend and I went to go refill our water bottles and it was a brake so we took our time. then heading back our section leader was yelling at us to hurry up and get ready to play (we didn't even play until like 20 minutes later!!!) Then my friend says that while we were getting bottled the rest of the section was making fun of us and calling us slow. then one said we should be whipped. WHAT THE FUCK??!?!!?

XOXO
Crushe D's