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more dumb poetry

so this came out crappy. I tried to write about my paranoia in this but it came out weird. anyway, enjoy.
===================================
Falling.
Crashing.
Burning.
It's different every time.

I am alive,
Too much for my liking.
Part of living is emotions.
Why?
Why are we cursed with such things?

They control us.
Affect everything we do.
Can be manipulated easily.
Can manipulate us easily.

Mine though?
Ha.
Controlling does not even begin to explain it.

I like to believe I had innocence,
But it was destroyed early on,
Lost in time with age.
Inside my mind is similar to a battle.

Common sense.
We all are born with it,
It is our instinct.
It helps tell smart from dumb,
Reality from fantasy.

My common sense?
It was altered.
Reality is all too real,
But only because it was mixed with cruel fantasy.

The paranoia,
It controls me.
I am its puppet,
And it is my master.

There isn't a day that passes
Without the thoughts.
Thoughts of...

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some more crap poetry~

This is how I feel most days ^_^" enjoy I guess.
=============================================
I sit here,
looking at what I have.
It's all good things,
I must admit,
More than some others have.

But yet when I look at what I have,
It feels as if it's nothing.
I have friends, family.
A warm house and food.
Yet nothing at all.

There's a sadness within me,
An ever growing hollowness.
What...
Is this?

I'm just empty.
All I can feel is regret
And pain,
Sorrow.
Yet nothing at the same time.

This feeling is torturing me.
Taunting me.
What does it feel like to truly feel?
For years I have been like this.

I can never recall a happy memory
And not be sad afterwards.
It just contributes to the emptiness.
Why is that?

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Musician's confession

I need to share this. This is a secret big to me but not so much to others. You guys are well respectable people so I thought I'd share. I'm embarrassed because of it but I'll explain why later. So my secret is... since I was about eight I've wanted to play the cello. Okay so this isn't a big deal on the surface right? Right. But I've been so afraid to ask anyone or even tell anyone about it. In my school you can join the orchestra in 3rd grade. Of course I wanted to swoop up this chance and decided that everyone played violin and viola so I wanted cello. I asked my mom before sign ups and she said sure. Well... when I gave her the sign up sheet she gave it back and told me no. She said I couldn't and wasn't aloud too.

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Idk but here's a picture of me

Hey guys. I just realized I've been on this site for over 2 years. I've been looking through all my old friends on here. My close friends. The ones that were here for the darkest chapter of my life. Just looking at their usernames made me almost cry. I haven't talked to any of them in so long... I've sent out some messages and I hope they see them. They made me so happy and they just... disappeared. I feel so alone, so disconnected from everything. So I'm just sitting waiting... waiting for my friends to return.

Btw in the picture I'm on the left, my girlfriend is on the right.

XOXO
Crushed D's

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Haven't posted poetry in awhile

but here it is. I wrote this earlier today. I hope you enjoy it.
=====================================
I know I’m far too young.
But these dark circles under my eyes tell differently.
Despite my smile,
My laugh,
My jokes,
And the joy you may see in my eyes,
It’s just fake.

I know I’m far too old for my age
And my thoughts show that.
I’m worried that I will do nothing with my life.
I’m worried that I will die tomorrow and leave no legacy of mine.
Despite my worries,
I’m nothing here,
Worthless here on this planet.

I know I should be carefree,
But I’m not.
I spend my free time in paranoia,
Living false fantasies.
Despite that fabricated feelings,
I still live in fear.

Fear of what though?
Fear of the world,
The unknown,
And more than anything,
The monster above all,

Myself.

Crushed Dreams's picture

Haven't posted poetry in awhile

but here it is. I wrote this earlier today. I hope you enjoy it.
=====================================
I know I’m far too young.
But these dark circles under my eyes tell differently.
Despite my smile,
My laugh,
My jokes,
And the joy you may see in my eyes,
It’s just fake.

I know I’m far too old for my age
And my thoughts show that.
I’m worried that I will do nothing with my life.
I’m worried that I will die tomorrow and leave no legacy of mine.
Despite my worries,
I’m nothing here,
Worthless here on this planet.

I know I should be carefree,
But I’m not.
I spend my free time in paranoia,
Living false fantasies.
Despite that fabricated feelings,
I still live in fear.

Fear of what though?
Fear of the world,
The unknown,
And more than anything,
The monster above all,

Myself.

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this "christwire" site

Oh my god. I'm laughing so hard. Who the fuck writes this shit XD First, the article about MCR is just so funny I burst out laughing. And the article on "your daughter might be a lesbian" is even more hilarious.

If you want a laugh I suggest googling this site.

XOXO
Crushed D's

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sad but not to do with "the brake up"

So I've made so many wonderful friends on here and have grown incredibly close to them. Well recently it seems none of them are on anymore.... and I haven't spoken to them in many months.... including the one I consider my sister. When I get on and see I have a message I get excited. It's usually someone new I've started talking to though and they aren't as close to me.

But when I do happen to get the rare message from a close friend I was to burst out in tears and pour my heart into words of what I've gone through without them.

But... that's rude yes? So with these beautiful people I can share everything with, I won't. And it brakes my heart even more and my loneliness grows... I wish I could point you all out to say I love you in this blog, but again it feels rude.

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You all know what this blog is about.

Yup. The End. It's not a break up. It's just.... an end.

As you all know, their last show was at Bamboozle. I feel so blessed yet so selfish I was at that show at Asbury. I wish everyone was here was with me to share that beautiful show. The sound system was broken yeah, and only one other person near me was decked out in merch and dancing and singing like an idiot, but it was amazing. I feel selfish for it though. And also the fact I saw them two other times.

But, in all of that, I never once met them.

My mom had, yeah, but I never did. All I ever wanted to do was meet the men that had made the past 6 years of my life worth living. I'm completely serious when I say for a long time the only reason I wasn't killing myself was to see the future of MCR's music. And I have seen it all.

I've met wonderful people, became a musician, became a singer, became a writer, and became an artist all because of them.

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Awkward....

Okay so you guys probably know of the guy I've always talked about, the one who made me so paranoid it drove me to offing myself, right? Well I'll share a bit of our past.

We were great friends. Seriously, especially since no one really liked either of us. He was a bit strange and said things I sometimes didn't understand. He was a really weird kid. Well, a little while after he made me paranoid he moved away. This was about five or six years ago. Well.... guess what happened today.

He came back.