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I bought a wig X)

I'm so damn excited. Seriously. Just ordered it. I offered to pay for it but my mom said no. It's for a costume I'm wearing to a convention. I'm going as a guy if you hadn't guessed ^_^" it's a short brown wig, bangs on the right side, and a curl on the top of the head :3 I'll post pictures of me wearing it as soon as I get it!!!

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venty vent vent

Okay so something that really annoys me is gender. I mean I'm not "gender confused", I know I'm a girl and I like it that way. It's just that it seems that other people are gender confused of me. I grew up as "one of the guys" because the girls didn't like me. To be truthful, not many people, boy or girl, liked me. But I made friends with the outcast guys. From a young age I dressed like a rocker. Black clothes, shirts with skulls, band shirts. I felt as if I set myself up for failure. By the time I reached middle school I realized no one saw me as what I was. Girls bullied me as they do to other girls but I realized that I wasn't a "girl". The guys did too. A guy hit me over the head with a chair. I got in a fist fight with two guys.

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stupid poem YAY!


Those are just some charms
That come with being human.
Too many to count.
Let's continue the list of us.


There's more,
Oh yes, there is.
But one stands out
Above all.

It is the ultimate emotion,
Stronger than a self conscious.
Strong enough to blind us from common sense.
Strong enough to will us on.

It brings down falls, death, and mistakes.
It's kind and warm yet full of wrath and jealousy.
We want it more than anything,
Yet it hurts more than anything else.

Some shut out this emotion,
Doomed to a life in solidarity.
It brings out the worst in humans.
It brings out the best how ever.

This emotion has its flaws.
As all humans do.
However, it defines a person.
Keeps them strong.
Makes them weak.

Its name is simple.
Its name is warm,
Kind and caring.
Yet so painful.

It's name is-

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I don't want to go back

On Monday my church class served a dinner at my church. Before hand we were all sitting, talking, joking around and all when this guy (like the straightest guy ever) starts talking about "how gay he is". Me, being bisexual, could not watch this. Eventually I asked him why he was making such a big deal over it. He got a huffy and offended and asked if I was, expecting a no then accusing me of a hate crime probably. I just smiled and said "no I go both ways actually". There was the smallest moment of silence but it felt like forever. The guy stood up, pointed at me, and shouted "she's gay, everyone she's gay" sat back down, and laughed at me. Then the rest of the night he kept saying hi to me and even said I was "gucci" (assuming that means good looking).

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Tally marks anyone?

I'm home alone so of course, I go and do a Doctor Who photo shoot with myself as 11 XD

Today was the day of silence for Doctor Who fans. My friends and I freaked out a lot of people :3 So basically, a Silence is an alien (well it's a religious order but whatever) that kinda looks like Slenderman. If you see one and look away you forget you ever saw it. So to keep track of them the characters would mark themselves with tally marks whenever they saw one. So yeah. Pretty fun day.

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My Day of Silence!

It was my first time doing it ^_^" My friends and I were doing it. I never realized how much I talked until now o.o Anyway, I'm really proud of myself. I carried around a pen and notepad all day. I felt so great doing this. My girlfriend was going to do it but didn't so whatever. I found out some bad news today but I'll leave that for another time.

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good news for once!

Okay so my last blog was how I thought my girlfriend was cheating on me. Well she's not!! Her friend was super pissed at her and started a rumor (even though she liked the guy in the rumor? Idk). I'm just happy. I was so close to crying all yesterday because of it.

Anyway, other good news, I'm going to AnimeNEXT in June!! Again lol. If I got all three days I'll be Romano from Hetalia, Canada from Hetalia, and Cry (aka CryaoticMonki on YouTube). Comment if you're going!

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Well then...

Today I found out my girlfriend is now cheating with me. I'm going to confront her tomorrow. I have to say, I knew this was coming. I don't know why, yesterday I was like "this week something horrible is going to happen like my girl breaking up with me". I want to cry so badly. I just fucking knew it.

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traumatic week so far?

So yesterday I went down to Seaside, a huge boardwalk and town in south Jersey. Idk my mom likes taking absurd trips to the beach when its not beach weather. Anyway, I had always spent my childhood summers down there and I haven't been there in awhile.

A big reason we went down was to see the Hurricane Sandy damage. I mean in Asbury it wasn't that bad compared to Seaside. You know those million dollar mansions celebrities have? I literally saw them sitting there ripped in half or with the roof down the street. The entire board walk was ripped to shreds, pieces of it everywhere.There was a house in the middle of the street. I saw the pizza place I loved eating at ripped up. I saw the roller coaster in the water. My mom always said it was the first coaster she was ever one and I remember telling myself "when I'm brave enough I'm going to ride it too" but now I can't.

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more dumb poetry

so this came out crappy. I tried to write about my paranoia in this but it came out weird. anyway, enjoy.
It's different every time.

I am alive,
Too much for my liking.
Part of living is emotions.
Why are we cursed with such things?

They control us.
Affect everything we do.
Can be manipulated easily.
Can manipulate us easily.

Mine though?
Controlling does not even begin to explain it.

I like to believe I had innocence,
But it was destroyed early on,
Lost in time with age.
Inside my mind is similar to a battle.

Common sense.
We all are born with it,
It is our instinct.
It helps tell smart from dumb,
Reality from fantasy.

My common sense?
It was altered.
Reality is all too real,
But only because it was mixed with cruel fantasy.

The paranoia,
It controls me.
I am its puppet,
And it is my master.

There isn't a day that passes
Without the thoughts.
Thoughts of...