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Update I guess

I never come on here anymore... I used to know and recognize all of you guys but I'm so out of touch everyone is new to me. Most of you probably don't know me and all my friends are probably gone... I'll update I guess.

So. Love. It sucks I know, you know, we all know, and I'm becoming a sophomore in high school now. I thought I had everything figured out. I didn't. I really like two girls. One lives in Texas. The other is in school with me but is going to be a senior next year. And they both like me back. I don't know how to decide. The one in Texas said she doesn't want a relationship with me because we're so far apart. The one in my school, I'm pretty sure, just wants to fool around with me and nothing more. While all this is happening I have to keep away my guy friend who keeps coming onto me. I don't know how to choose. I know I should choose the girl in my school but I don't want to break the other's heart.

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anyone going to AnimeNEXT?

I'm just wondering. It's next week and last year I met another MCR fan who even recognized me from this site. I'm definitely going Saturday and if I can I'm going Sunday and Friday. Let me know!

XOXO
Crushed D's

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drawing I did

Do you guys like this drawing I did? It's an angel turning into a demon. I love it but I've gotten like no feedback on it.

XOXO
Crushed D's

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the school is "helping" again.

They told me I was the victim. I'm not anyone's victim. I didn't mean for this. I didn't want this!! I just.. I don't know. I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted for... them... to stop. No one did anything but annoy me. They didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that. It's just a personal space problem. It's not anything else. Why do they do this?!

I just...

It makes me want to fall back into old habits.

XOXO
Crushed D's

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What's wrong with me...?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry.
I feel like an ass. I am though aren't I? I'm isolating myself again. Every now and again I sink into this state. I just don't answer my phone, I don't talk to anyone, and I can't handle anything. I feel so bad. I want to talk with my friends but I can't bring myself to. My own stupid past! If you ignore someone and bring them down they end up like me. Please, if you're pushing people away, please, just don't end up like me. Just stay close to those around you.

And Angel, if you're reading this.... I'm so sorry... I just can't bring myself to face you...

XOXO
Matty

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Bruises -_-

Just got back from marching band, was in the memorial day parade. When I was walking to the buses, carrying my huge ass banner, my friend who was watching the parade shouted to me, I shouted back and walked STRAIGHT INTO A POLE. It hurt so much T~T a big bruise is forming on my knee. Fuck. Oh well.

XOXO
Matty

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I don't know

Today has been so shitty. First my grandma is disgusted with me then my step dad screams at my sister and I. I wanted to scream at him and my mom so badly. Basically what my family has told me is that I'm an ungrateful rude little teenage shit who sits on their fucking ass all damn day and I'm going to hell and grow to be fat and lonely. All true things they said to me. My mom isn't a mother to me. I'm forced to love and trust her because she gave birth to me. She's just a bully.

Happy fucking mother's day.

XOXO
Crushed D's

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titles la la la

Look look! I own a military uniform!!! I finished it last night. I love it so much! It's an Italian WW2 uniform. When I showed my family I was like "I look fabulous." XD My step dad asked if I was Lara Croft lol

XOXO
Crushed D's

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Well fine!

So I just got back from a Mother's day dinner and I made a card for my Grandma that I made in Italian class (I wrote the English translation too). I was like "yeah she's gonna love it I made it by hand and worked hard on it!" Seriously I had high hopes.

When I gave it to her I said "I made it in Italian class" and she laughed, looking at it for less than a second. She laughed and laughed and my step dad joined in. Then was like "this stupid Italian!" and continued laughing. I was so embarrassed. She was so disgusted with it. She shoved it in her purse and didn't say thank you or anything.

Would you take a little kid's drawing and crumple it up and laugh at it?! No! Then why do it now?! I drew a nice picture on it of a bunch of flowers. I always make cards for every holiday, one for everyone. This must be a sign I should just buy a fucking card like the rest of the world.

I really want to cry. I thought it was sweet... clearly I was wrong....

XOXO
Matty

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WIP uniform

Working on an Italian WW2 uniform. I think it's awesome so far. I just need the pants and I have boots already. I'm so excited!! >w<

XOXO
Crushed D's