Crushed Dreams's blog

So I've made so many wonderful friends on here and have grown incredibly close to them. Well recently it seems none of them are on anymore.... and I haven't spoken to them in many months.... including the one I consider my sister. When I get on and see I have a message I get excited. It's usually someone new I've started talking to though and they aren't as close to me.

But when I do happen to get the rare message from a close friend I was to burst out in tears and pour my heart into words of what I've gone through without them.

But... that's rude yes? So with these beautiful people I can share everything with, I won't. And it brakes my heart even more and my loneliness grows... I wish I could point you all out to say I love you in this blog, but again it feels rude.

Yup. The End. It's not a break up. It's just.... an end.

As you all know, their last show was at Bamboozle. I feel so blessed yet so selfish I was at that show at Asbury. I wish everyone was here was with me to share that beautiful show. The sound system was broken yeah, and only one other person near me was decked out in merch and dancing and singing like an idiot, but it was amazing. I feel selfish for it though. And also the fact I saw them two other times.

But, in all of that, I never once met them.

My mom had, yeah, but I never did. All I ever wanted to do was meet the men that had made the past 6 years of my life worth living. I'm completely serious when I say for a long time the only reason I wasn't killing myself was to see the future of MCR's music. And I have seen it all.

I've met wonderful people, became a musician, became a singer, became a writer, and became an artist all because of them.

Okay so you guys probably know of the guy I've always talked about, the one who made me so paranoid it drove me to offing myself, right? Well I'll share a bit of our past.

We were great friends. Seriously, especially since no one really liked either of us. He was a bit strange and said things I sometimes didn't understand. He was a really weird kid. Well, a little while after he made me paranoid he moved away. This was about five or six years ago. Well.... guess what happened today.

He came back.

Okay so you guys probably know of the guy I've always talked about, the one who made me so paranoid it drove me to offing myself, right? Well I'll share a bit of our past.

We were great friends. Seriously, especially since no one really liked either of us. He was a bit strange and said things I sometimes didn't understand. He was a really weird kid. Well, a little while after he made me paranoid he moved away. This was about five or six years ago. Well.... guess what happened today.

He came back.

Okay so you guys probably know of the guy I've always talked about, the one who made me so paranoid it drove me to offing myself, right? Well I'll share a bit of our past.

We were great friends. Seriously, especially since no one really liked either of us. He was a bit strange and said things I sometimes didn't understand. He was a really weird kid. Well, a little while after he made me paranoid he moved away. This was about five or six years ago. Well.... guess what happened today.

He came back.

Okay so you guys probably know of the guy I've always talked about, the one who made me so paranoid it drove me to offing myself, right? Well I'll share a bit of our past.

We were great friends. Seriously, especially since no one really liked either of us. He was a bit strange and said things I sometimes didn't understand. He was a really weird kid. Well, a little while after he made me paranoid he moved away. This was about five or six years ago. Well.... guess what happened today.

He came back.

So today I was talking with my friend about the end of the world and movies that focus on that and such. Suddenly it turned into talking about my paranoia. Now this is a topic that makes me uncomfortable usually but I feel safe here so I'll share.

I've shared my depression story here before and those that know it know that the first time I tried to off myself was when I was eight years old. I only said I was severely depressed, never giving a specific reason. The reason is my paranoia. When I was eight a guy I knew told me something... terrible. At my age now it would have never bothered me because I had common sense but at that age I knew nothing. And I believed him.

What did he say? He said the world would end in thirty years.

So today I was talking with my friend about the end of the world and movies that focus on that and such. Suddenly it turned into talking about my paranoia. Now this is a topic that makes me uncomfortable usually but I feel safe here so I'll share.

I've shared my depression story here before and those that know it know that the first time I tried to off myself was when I was eight years old. I only said I was severely depressed, never giving a specific reason. The reason is my paranoia. When I was eight a guy I knew told me something... terrible. At my age now it would have never bothered me because I had common sense but at that age I knew nothing. And I believed him.

What did he say? He said the world would end in thirty years.

So today I was talking with my friend about the end of the world and movies that focus on that and such. Suddenly it turned into talking about my paranoia. Now this is a topic that makes me uncomfortable usually but I feel safe here so I'll share.

I've shared my depression story here before and those that know it know that the first time I tried to off myself was when I was eight years old. I only said I was severely depressed, never giving a specific reason. The reason is my paranoia. When I was eight a guy I knew told me something... terrible. At my age now it would have never bothered me because I had common sense but at that age I knew nothing. And I believed him.

What did he say? He said the world would end in thirty years.

And I think it's about to be a horrible week. (this is long. just sayin')

So this week is hspa testing for juniors and practice hspa's for the sophomores. While they do that, we, the freshman, have this thing called "the freshman experience". First, da fuq kind of name is that. Second, I hate it and we still have two (three?) days to go. ALL WEEK WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BULLYING. OH FUCKING JOY. Today was the first day, talked about cyber bullying and watched the movie Cyber Bu//y. God it made me angry -_-" I was like "oh someone called you a slut on Face Book? How cute." My friends and I were on the verge of crying because it was so infuriating. We've all been bullied to our faces and have been beat up and here comes this girl all sobbing over some words on the computer and tried to... you know.