putonyourhappyface's blog

havnt been here in 4 months... wow i feel like an epif fail for that but its all good

hey guys hows life rolling for you?
i just turned 20 yesturday and NO I AM NOT OLD YET!!!

i havnt checked in in a while. im still alive... sort of.
counciling is telling me everything i already know so no help there
i suffer from depression (saw that coming it runs in the family) and PTS (post tramatic stress syndom) didnt want to hear that at all but it us what it is

right now? im putting glow in the dark beads into a cool looking jar

i wwant to be done with everything. with this house these people in this house my love life everything. the arguments arent worth it and the waiting isnt either. why must i wait to be truly happy and still not be when she comes because my family will always and forever diapprove.

i cant handle anything anymore. i dont want to die or anything but when people cause me to want to cut thats when i know i should leave and stop being those peoples friends.

i just dont know anymore

nothings more perfect than finding that perfect soeeone. the one that can be by your side at all times the one who can make you laugh when youre down and doesnt judge when you do something wrong.

the one who will help you with your issues no matter whats on their mind and who will never change the topic even when its one they dont like.

i love my special someone.

now im writting more than ever im so happy!!

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[X] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[] bought porn
[x] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 9
[X] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[X] lied to your parents
[X] lied to a friend
[X] snuck out of the house
[X] done something illegal
[X] felt hurt
[X] hurt someone
[] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 18
[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[X] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[] been to a club
[] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 23
[] been to a wild party
[] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[] had a spring break in Florida

so its been going around that just because gerard way's wrist was wrapped at saturdays show in new jersey that he must be a selfharmer...
i cant believe anyone would stoop low enough to start that roumor. i dont believe it for one secound. anything could have happened to him.
he has spoken against self harming for years now why would anyone think he would go against his own words especilly a so called fan of MCR.

please dont believe everything you hear. i like to get to the bottem of roumors. not believe them the minute they come up.

gerard way is not at this moment known to be a selfharmer and ill stick to that until HE says otherwise

"not knowing youd change from just one bite."

love him fir this one. this band saved my life and i will never forget that.
welcome to the black parade famous last words was the song that did it
but he desighned this one just for me so i said it could be my first :)

please tell me what you think

depression is a funny thing really.
only you get to choose how you feel no matter whats going on in your life
may it be divorced parents, moving, friends, family, even abuse
how you feel about it all and react to it all is your own choice.

for me?
im happy.
yeah i still have my moments
where i feel like i want nothing more to do with anything
but i find reasons to snap out of it
and remeber whats really important

i havnt eaten a proper meal since thursday... its tuesday now and its still not happening yet im going to pizza hut tonight for my friends birthday... maybe ill eat right then but i highly doubt that too... im a horrible person sometimes