putonyourhappyface's blog

thats all my nephews doing today
our rent is cheap he wont pay he complains
feeling sick complaining and still going to gfs
stupid stupid boy

sometimes i dont know who my family is
sometimes i just want to ryn away and never look back
sometimes i want to dig my own grave, lay in it, and wait to die
and somtimes
just sometimes
i want to live.
but tonight
well tonight
tonight i want to survive.

tonights another night im hit with depression again
i know i can beat this i know i can
last night i did so why not tonight?
tonight i WILL survive

i know i havent been on in ages but theres been stuff going on. i moved and returned been in counciling and now my dads having open heart surgery.
its been hard to sleep night full of worry and nothing i can do about it

so i ask you mcrmy if anyone out ther believes in prayer please do so. not jusgt for my dad but for my family too. thank you all for understanding

cherise

long distance relationship but i love her to peices
shes talked to me less and less lately
all i wish for her is happiness but if she doesnt want me she should just say so
im not good at loving at all and this is a first its been this strong

normally i dont believe words.
just saying i love you never works for me
but when she says it i believe it and now
she hasnt said it in days and now im worried like no other

i dont know guys... im something i just dont know what.
i suffer from PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) and depression
whenever i get into these moods i just blame the depression
what else is there to do when i can find nothing to be depressed about and yet i still am?
ive only had one flash back this week and headaches but i can handle it right?

i really need to find a purpose

heres the bebinning. if you like it comment and ill keep posting :)

Prologue

We sit at the table
As always you take out that notebook
I've tried to look in it but you pull it away
"What are you writing? You can't keep secrets!"

You look over at me and smile
"A letter to your mom of course!"
We laugh and you put it away
Five years of friendship with no secrets hidden

I give ben a hug and walk home
No secrets? That's what he thinks
If only he knew
I open the front door to my house

A sudden pain shoots through my left cheek
"You're late again!" The screams begin.
I run to my room but he's right behind
Grabbing my wrist and pulling me to the ground

"Where do you think you're going. Whore?!?
Is that where you were?!
Out with a boy?!?"
A boot to the ribs makes me curl up

I watch as he slowly turns away
He's drunk I can tell so I crawl to my room
Slowly close the door to be sure he doesn't hear
And go to my closet to take away my fears

yeah thats right and im not afraid to admit that either!

so today during work i almost broke down in tears.
i was wondering what would happen if my dad died today
this isnt normal for me and thats what pisses me off the most
i really dont know what i would do i dont have anyone here

http://youtu.be/yiW91e3IZkM

kiss the ring: http://youtu.be/b3JT1xmzuXE

the world is ugly: http://youtu.be/uSr8l6Iht-0

enjoy :D and comment if you ove me XD